ive liked the same straight girl for over a year
The story
before i start, i know im naive and stupid and unknowing when it comes to love, as i’m an incoming junior in high school and i’ve never even held hands with anyone. i’m just conflicted and a bit annoyed with myself and have no where else to really say this without annoying my one friend who knows about this. it doesn’t help either that im a lesbian in a relatively conservative small town so i know my chances were slim to begin with.
anyways, this passing summer marks around one year of me liking the same girl. we have been already good friends for a while. i’ve kept it a secret from her to keep our friendship strong. i’d rather have her not know and stay friends than her know and us not be too close. i know she’s not homophobic, but up until recently i didn’t know she’s was straight. well, i knew, i just didn’t wanna believe it because i get caught in my own head. there were signs, like the tik toks she reposted about a future husband, or the videos of fictional men she would show me, but then there’s also the fact she’s never been in a relationship. we’re close enough to talk about that stuff without it being awkward. and then i also caught her checking out my schools lgbtq+ poster for a new club, which i don’t know how it got passed our school board but whatever.
so i held hope that maybe she was bi or something. because i just didn’t wanna accept that i never had a chance. i still don’t really wanna. but, i had a good friend of mine text her sister and basically confirm she’s straight. i know there’s nothing i can do, ive heard the “you deserve someone who can actually reciprocate” more than enough times, but im stupid and don’t wanna accept that. she’s a great person, and now i kinda feel like a creep for feeling like this and she doesn’t even know. but i can’t tell her, this would ruin her, i have no clue how she would even react. it’s all me, and i kinda want this crush to go away so i can be normal with her. but i also don’t want it to go away. it’s fun to imagine if i didn’t know her orientation, even if it kinda hurts me when i remember.
the part of me that wants to hold on, i wanna say it also stems from the fact that ive never been in a relationship. i wanna know what its like. i see all my friends get cute hoco proposals or fun dates with each other, and im just here. i take care of myself, try to be kind, i get good grades and help a lot, but ive worked on myself enough. i think im ranked 9 out of like almost 400 students in my class in terms of gpa. i just wanna know what it’s like for someone to like you back. i know im also young and 16 isn’t the end of the world to never have dated, but i can still wish, can’t i? and i guess my wish with a straight girl is a little unrealistic too. i want to be loved, i really do. i don’t wanna wait, i feel so behind my peers when it comes to love. im not really too sure what to do with myself now.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
dude, being in high school and catching feelings is like living a never-ending drama episode. but seriously, your feelings are super valid; you can't just turn them off like a switch. you're not alone in wanting to be loved back and there's nothing wrong with that desire either. have you considered talking more with her about lgbtq+ stuff? might give more clarity. keep being yourself though, someone out there will notice;
Hey, it sucks feeling stuck in this situation. I mean, wanting someone who isn't available is tough; been there, done that. But don't beat yourself up over it. It's okay to have these feelings and it's totally normal at your age to wonder about love and relationships. Just remember that things can change when you least expect them, even in a small town. Being true to yourself is the best part though! Focus on what makes you happy and you'll attract the right person eventually, even if it feels like forever right now.
yeah, i get it, but it's not easy just letting things go when you're feeling like that ya know.
yo, i totally get where you're coming from. growing up in a conservative small town can seriously limit your dating pool. i remember having a crazy crush on this guy in high school who was super artsy and cool, just to find out he was into someone else entirely. kept that secret too 'cause keeping a good friendship felt more important. it might feel like everyone else is ahead in the love department, but trust me, you’re not alone in feeling that way. 😊
hey, don't be too hard on yourself 💖 it's totally normal to feel all these things and want that connection! sometimes crushes are a real mixed bag, especially if they seem like they'd be perfect for us; being in a small town can make it feel even tougher. but hey, you're doing great at school and being an amazing friend already!!! keep focusing on the awesome parts of you and who knows what's gonna happen next? love has a funny way of sneaking up when you least expect it 😉
hey, don't beat yourself up too much over this. i know things feel intense in high school but it's not the whole story. you sound like a great friend and honestly, being able to keep that friendship solid is crucial. have you thought about joining that lgbtq+ club? even if she's not into it, at least you'll be in an environment where more people understand ya; what's keeping you from trying that out? coming across someone who can reciprocate those feelings doesn't always happen fast but you'll get there! 🌟
It's understandable to feel stuck, but maybe focusing on other friendships could help?
Hey there! I totally see where you're coming from, though I've got a slightly different take on this. Honestly, holding onto the idea of someone who can't reciprocate your feelings might be weighing you down more than it’s worth 😉 Sure, crushes can feel exhilarating and daydreams are fun; but if it's causing distress and making you feel like some kind of creep (which you’re not!), maybe try channeling that energy elsewhere? You seem to have so much going for you beyond this one relationship!! your academic accomplishments alone speak volumes 🌟 Love can sometimes come unannounced when you're least trying to find it, especially if you're focusing on what truly makes you shine. It's frustrating now, but time's got a way of bringing people into our lives when we're ready and open to it. Hang in there!
it's tough being in a small town where everyone seems to have their path set. liking someone who doesn't like you back is painful. i think what you're going through is really normal for your age.
but then again, holding on to something hopeless makes it hard too. sometimes i wonder if clinging onto these feelings is our way of keeping hope alive even if it's misguided? idk, maybe i'm rambling.
That's an interesting thought about keeping hope alive even if it doesn't make sense!
maybe holding on too tight isn't the best idea tho...
I understand wanting to experience mutual affection, but why not explore meeting new people? Do you think expanding your social circle might help you feel less stuck in this situation?
being young in love can be seriously confusing and frustrating. you're doing well with school and all, so clearly you've got lots going for you and that's awesome. trying to move past this crush while still appreciating your friendship with her could be worth a shot. though i guess easier said than done right? hanging out with more folks might give you new perspectives or maybe even some unexpected connections.