Untamed desire
The story
So me and my boyfriend just hit 1 year together, and I’ve been really wanting more intimacy. He has some medical issues that he’s insecure about and prevent him from directly engaging like that, but we’re long distance so the latter isn’t a problem.
But it’s still hard. I tried to initiate before and it was so close but he mentioned that he wanted to practice not masturbating because of his past porn addiction before we got together, and he wanted to do better for me. I respected that heavily, because that was a problem in my last relationship.
I love how we connect emotionally and intellectually, and those two things make me fall harder for him every day. But I also find him so attractive, even if he doesn’t see it. When he shaves, he looks like those South American hunks that they always joke about in movies. But he doesn’t see that. And I think it’s also why he doesn’t engage with me physically. I just got off the phone with him, because he didn’t want me to see his chest. I was a little sad thats the reason. But I’ve had my own experiences with SA, so I would never force him to show or do anything he’s uncomfortable with.
That being said, I desire him so much. He’s more than his body, but I also believe sex is more than just pleasure. Being vulnerable with him is so natural and he makes me feel so safe. Of course I also want to make his eyes pop out of his head but I also find that authenticity comes out during sex. Fantasies, kinks, fetishes, parts of us that (most of us) are kept away. I want to share that world with him.
And to no disrespect to those in open relationships and ENM, but that’s not for me. I enjoy having an emotional connection to someone, and only then will I be attracted to them, and I only have that capacity for one person. So getting it elsewhere is absolutely off the table, and I would rather die than cheat on my boyfriend. I just have no idea what I would do. I want to respect him and give him the time and space to come to me when he’s ready, but I also feel my heart ache and yearn to simulate being closer than we’ve ever been. And I refuse to break up over a reason like this one.
Any advice?
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Have you considered discussing your feelings and desires openly with him, while also expressing continued support for his journey?
Doing so currently thank you
it sounds like you're really valuing the emotional connection you have, which is awesome; maybe shifting focus from physical intimacy to finding new ways to emotionally and intellectually bond could help ease some of the longing you're feeling while giving him space until he's ready.
wow, this sounds like a tough spot. i totally get where you're coming from about wanting more intimacy in the relationship. it's so awesome that you respect his boundaries and his journey to work through past issues. still, feeling that ache for connection is so real... maybe it helps to think of ways to build physical intimacy without crossing any lines he's not ready for? sometimes just being creative with what "intimacy" means can bring you closer in unexpected ways. as someone who's been in a long-distance thing before, i know how challenging it can be when you crave more than just words on a screen!! have y’all talked about other forms of closeness that don't involve full-on sex? video calls, love letters (i'm old school like that lol), or even reading the same book together might bridge some of the gap while respecting each other's limits. ultimately, patience and understanding seem like your best allies here... but dang, i feel ya 🤷♂️❤️!
It's awesome that you care so much about your boyfriend's comfort and boundaries, but I get why you're feeling a bit stuck. It sounds like you're caught in this balance between respecting his space and fulfilling your own needs. Have you tried talking to him about finding other ways to be intimate? Maybe exploring different kinds of non-physical intimacy could bring you closer without overstepping his limits. Just don't forget to make sure both of your emotional needs are being met in the long run too.
yeah I get that, but sometimes giving space can mean missing out on something real special.
good point, space matters too in relationships.
yo, first of all, major props for respecting his boundaries and supporting him through this. that's real love right there. 💖 but damn, i totally get why you're aching to connect on a deeper level. it's tough when emotional and intellectual vibes are so strong, but the physical side is missing. long-distance makes it even trickier too.
maybe y'all can find other ways to be intimate that don't involve sex yet? like video calls where you just be yourselves or sending cute texts that keep the spark alive. explore new forms of closeness without rushing things. sounds cheesy af but sometimes patience really pays off, and maybe he'll feel more comfortable in time. hang in there! ✨
yo, this is kinda tough. like, i sort of understand wanting more intimacy, especially after a year together, but dude's gotta handle his own stuff too. being patient seems key here since he's trying to better himself for you by dealing with the whole porn addiction thing. though I wonder how long that's gonna take realistically??? in my experience, when someone’s insecure about their body or whatever, it can seriously drag out any progress. have you thought about what you're gonna do if things don't change anytime soon? might be worth considering therapy for both of ya to bridge that gap... just a thought 🤔
i get where you're coming from... balancing emotional intimacy with physical desires can be tricky, especially with his medical issues and your experiences. it sounds like you're really committed to giving him the space he needs, which is super important. have you tried having an open convo about what intimacy means for both of you? maybe there’s a middle ground that doesn’t necessarily involve traditional sex but still brings you closer; things like video calls where you're just together or other forms of connection could help bridge that gap until he's more comfortable. idk, just tossing ideas out here!
i do understand where you're coming from and your yearning for more intimacy. but it's also crucial to remember that his decision to practice restraint is a step towards better personal health. pushing things might lead him away from progress. maybe focus on the emotional connection you've nurtured while supporting his journey? it might bring you two closer in an unexpected way.
Dang, that's such a tricky situation! I know it's tough when you're just bursting with all these feels for him and wanna share that special closeness; but it's clear you care deeply about his boundaries, which is amazing 💜. Maybe both of you could try setting little milestones; like starting with something smaller than usual but meaningful to both of you, such as planning a future trip together or trying out a shared hobby? It could build trust while not diving straight into the deep end of physical intimacy. I've found that sometimes doing something new together can spark those warm fuzzies and keep things fresh between you two!
hmm tricky situation
hey, it sounds like you’re in a bit of a pickle, managing your own desires while respecting his boundaries. i can see how the long-distance aspect adds an extra layer to this already complex situation. perhaps exploring open conversations about fantasies and desires (even if they remain hypothetical for now) could foster intimacy without physical pressure. sharing each other's dreams and secret wishes might bring you closer together in ways that surprise both of you. i know from my own LDR that sometimes imagination has its own kind of magic... ✨
just talk it out clearly, if he's open.