just another friend problem
The story
okay, so i have this one friend that i started to get close to. it was going great but then she started like ask me to do stuff for her. its just simple stuff like can you take that for me can you come with me to pick up my stuff and all. were roomates. but sometimes until she's bugging me. in our room we use like double decker beds.
and she would ask me to get her stuff all the time that im starting to get tired of it. she literally just had to get up and walk two steps. but instead she had to ask me thats like laying down on my bed and sleeping or whatever
i was sleeping on top. she slept at the bottom. i was literally sleeping and she woke me up to ask me to close the lights. and she literally wont close it until i did it. she was doing her assignment until like 2 am and woke me up to close the damn lights.
then sometimes she would leave me to talk to her other friends and left me alone. and she would always ask me to get her stuff that she ordered. its like 5 minutes walk away from the pick up point. again, i was sleeping and she woke me up to get it with her. i was super tired at the moment but i went anyway bcs she doesn't want to pick it up alone. i declined like for five days she wont go without me.
then, when i ask her to come get my stuff with me. shes like oh where? then i said just at the guard house. okay then when i went to pick it up she left me to walk with her other friends and when i asked why she didn't come with me she said oh i probably didn't hear you, i was wearing earpods.
shes like always being sarcastic like saying she dont want to and that shes lazy at the moment.
so i start to decline whenever she asked me to go anywhere with her and started hanging out more with my other friends. then she blamed me saying she's starting to be quite around people because of me. that her mental drained because of me. and always like, when did you get so close to this person to that person.
but, whenever i explained that i felt more like a servant than a friend all she does is laugh it off and does it again. idk how many times i said this in like a serious manner and she just kept like laughing.
now she always looks at me weird whenever i said im going out with my friends she looks at me like she dont want me to.
how do i get her to understand that i like her as a friend but i dont like the way she treats me 🥲🥲
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Dude, I dunno about you, but this sounds hella annoying. You're not her personal assistant!!! It's nuts she wakes you up to do stuff she can easily handle herself. Maybe it's time for a serious sit-down chat, instead of just laughing it off like she does... Or just keep your distance and hang with people who actually respect your time. If you've told her how you feel and she doesn't get it, that's on her, not you. 🧐
man, this whole situation sounds exhausting 😅 like, i'm all for helping friends out but this seems like a one-way street. it feels like she's getting too comfortable treating you as her go-to person for everything, even waking you up to switch off lights? that's not cool. maybe setting some boundaries is the way to go here; nobody likes feeling used or unappreciated. it's important she knows that respect goes both ways and you're not just there to be at her beck and call 💤
man, that sounds super frustrating; it totally sucks when people just see you as their personal assistant instead of a friend. i get the whole she might be more comfortable with you than others thing but there's gotta be some mutual respect there too. maybe try sitting her down one last time and tell her how serious this is for you? like no laughing and brush-off vibes allowed, y'know? also, don’t feel guilty for wanting to hang out with other friends (everyone deserves people who actually appreciate them). hope she gets it before it makes things worse between y’all!
man, that situation is a real pain. i had this buddy in college who pulled the same kinda crap. always asking for favors and then somehow magically disappearing when it was time to return the favor. like seriously? once he woke me up at 3 am just to get his phone charger from the living room. i almost lost it, but kept my cool and just stopped doing anything for him after that incident. it's messed up 'cause you try to be nice, but some people take advantage of that kindness without even a shred of self-awareness or gratitude. maybe cutting back on doing stuff for her will make her realize she can't just treat you like her personal assistant, you know? keep standing your ground and let her stew in her own drama if she can’t handle it.
update, today she cried and told me that she's feeling like she's losing me honestly i dont know how to react to that🙃🙃 i told her everything again and as usual she just pay little attention to it and then continue about how i hurt her.
That's so frustrating. It seems like she's not really listening to how you feel and just focusing on herself. Maybe try setting some firm boundaries, but if she doesn't respect that, it might be best to distance yourself even more. It's tough when someone doesn't get it, especially when you've explained multiple times.
wow that sounds rough but are you sure you're not overreacting a bit? I mean, maybe she just doesn't realize how much it's bothering you?
They might genuinely not know!
It sounds like you're in quite a challenging situation with your friend. In any relationship, be it personal or professional, establishing clear boundaries is key to maintaining mutual respect and understanding; without those, things can get pretty lopsided. Your roommate seems to be taking advantage of your kindness under the guise of friendship and that can be really frustrating when all you want is an equal partnership. You mentioned how she uses sarcasm to brush off your concerns: it's like she's not acknowledging the emotional labor you're putting into this friendship. While it's understandable that conflict might make her uncomfortable ("People don't resist change...they resist being changed"), it's important for both of you to have an honest conversation about how her actions affect you. Maybe try explaining again but in a setting where she can't just dismiss it as a joke; sometimes addressing these issues head-on can lead to positive changes and if nothing else, you'll know you've been authentic to yourself.
Damn, that sounds like such a frustrating situation.
I had a roommate like that once...
ugh, this scene kinda reminds me of my old college roomie who almost treated me like a bellhop for our entire first semester. i guess it's easy for people to fall into these bad habits without realizing the impact it has on others. maybe next time she asks, playfully but firmly remind her you're not running a 24/7 service?! that might help lighten the mood while still getting your point across; plus, hanging with new friends sounds like a healthier vibe if she keeps ignoring what you say! good luck sorting things out :)
this kinda reminds me of my old college days, i had a buddy who was always asking for favors too. it got so annoying after a while.
maybe it's worth thinking about why she's acting this way, like if there's something else going on with her that you don't know about; it sucks when someone doesn't see how their actions affect others but maybe trying to find a middle ground where you both feel heard could help.
Alright, it sounds like you're stuck in a roomie sitcom where the plotline keeps circling back to you being the errand runner. Honestly seems like she views you more as a 24/7 concierge than a friend; and that's no fun ride. While it's understandable that she's feeling anxious about losing you, it's crucial for her to comprehend how inconsiderate she's been with your time and energy. It's almost comical how she shifts the guilt onto you whenever things get real but then hides behind humor or dramatics when responsibilities come calling.
You've already tried addressing it directly multiple times only to have her responses fall flat. So maybe it's about emphasizing that boundaries are essential for maintaining your friendship (hash out what you're comfy doing and what you'd rather not be disturbed for); who knows? It might spark some appreciation or self-awareness on her part. Plus, if she's genuinely interested in preserving your friendship, hopefully she'll meet you halfway instead of leaving all efforts one-sided.
Sounds like your friend is kind of using you. Just be firm and tell her no when you don't want to do something.
I've been in similar situations before with friends who take advantage without realizing. It's tough to bring up but necessary if the friendship is going to survive. I've learned that setting boundaries early helps avoid these problems later on.
How did they react when you set those boundaries?
Doesn’t she see?