My relationship makes me wanna k!ll myself
The story
I (F22) have been dating my girlfriend (F21) for 3 years.
🧡 We met 1-2 weeks before starting college, since we were going to be classmates. She was supposed to live in the dorms for free, but after 2 days, she hated it and invited herself to sleep over at my place (we barely knew each other). We hooked up that night - and she basically never left. Classic lesbian stereotype, I know.
🌈 At first, I hid from my parents that she was living with me since they were paying my rent and didn’t know her. After 2 months, we made it official. A few months later, she met my parents (they thought we were just friends) and they adored her. She came home with me every visit. After 2 years, I told them we were together, and surprisingly, they were super supportive - even got over their strong homophobia for her. Now they treat her like their own daughter, and my whole family loves her... even more than they love me, sometimes.
💼 She’s been a super supportive partner and has helped me a lot with my business. I honestly wouldn’t be where I am without her. But she doesn’t have a job, and her abusive parents don’t support her or even know about us. She lives off a small scholarship allowance and feels guilty for not contributing more. I got her a laptop, my dad got her a phone, but she refuses to let me hire her because she wants to earn her own money. I usually cover everything, and I don’t mind since my business does very well. We recently moved to another apt, and my parents still pay the rent for both of us.
💔 The truth is, I don’t think I ever truly loved her romantically. I was probably just scared of being alone in a new city and clung to her because we were both lesbians and colleagues. I mistook her vibe for something more masculine at first, but over time I realized she’s not really my type physically. I do love her personality - she’s emotional, artistic, and sees the world beautifully. I’d often find myself staring at other people, not fantasizing, just feeling a quiet frustration inside. In the first year we were very active se)(ually, but now I am forcing myself to do it. I'm not enjoying it.
🕳️ When I moved away for college, I was excited to live independently, but that never really happened. She moved in almost immediately, and we became co-dependent: always together, doing everything side by side. Now that we just finished college, I feel like I missed out on everything -freedom, partying, self-discovery. While others were out living, I was working nonstop on my business. I am succesful, I've even been on the news, but I feel empty, like I sold my soul for money. Sometimes, I think the only escape is death. I don't want to be in this relationship anymore, but I’m scared to leave. My parents love her and they’d never forgive me. They would never accept another girl, because SHE is the reason they stopped being homophobic.
🏠 I’ve been saving for a house abroad and told her it’s for both of us, but she hasn’t contributed financially because she doesn’t have a job. I’m not upset - most people our age aren’t making this much, but she constantly compares herself to me and feels like a failure. She has breakdowns because she can’t provide, even though most students don’t have it figured out yet. I tried encouraging her to freelance; she got one client and gave up. I have tons of business and investment ideas, but she won’t act on them. I can’t keep pushing her. I’m already exhausted from running my business and dealing with my own mental health issues.
🌍 I’ve always valued freedom, and marriage feels like a cage. I like being alone and dream of traveling the world. I could afford to do it now, but I can’t because she can’t afford it and feels guilty when I pay. I know she’ll get a job eventually and things might balance out, but for now, I’m sad my youth is slipping away. My past relationships were traumatic - one landed me in the hospital, another was a drug addict, one dug up her dead dog’s skull, and another cheated on me while I paid for everything because she was nearly homeless. This time, I chose someone kind and stable, not really my type, but safe. She’s never hurt me, but I’m still unhappy. And even though I know she’s not using me, I’m tired of always being the provider.
📱💬 I know you’ll judge me, and I don’t blame you. Last year, feeling lonely and needing a new friend, I started chatting with a masc lesbian on Bumble BFF. She had a girlfriend, so I saw her as a safe friend. She was adventurous, always traveling and doing extreme sports - basically the life I wanted. She wasn’t the issue... it was what she awakened in me. She was the version of myself I never got to be. We talked nonstop for months, and my girlfriend noticed. I felt happy texting the other girl - not se)(ually, just less lonely. My girlfriend got jealous, and I understood why, but I couldn’t stop. The girl broke up with her partner of 4 years and started dating around. I was interested in her stories because I was frustrated about my own relationship. She invited me to hang out, but my girlfriend asked me to cut contact, saying the other girl was flirting. I didn't tell my gf that that girl broke up with her partner, because I wanted to keep things safe. She eventually removed me from her following list and she unfollowed me, because I stopped replying to her texts, since my gf was mad.
💀 I want to be honest. I hoped we’d become best friends and maybe more. Some of our chats felt like flirting. She complimented me a lot, and we talked nonstop. After we started talking, I had a breakdown and told my girlfriend I didn’t love her and wanted to break up. She was devastated and she thought I was falling for that girl. I couldn’t break up for real because I worried about my parents and that my girlfriend would have nowhere to live. I told another time I wanted to break up, and she begged on her knees for me to stay. We’re stuck together for at least two more years because we’re doing our masters in the same city. I feel trapped and often think about su!cide as the only way out. The pressure from my parents, business, and her situation feels overwhelming.
💔 It’s been 1 year since I stopped talking to that girl, but I’m still frustrated my gf wouldn’t let me meet her. I think I developed an unhealthy obsession, hoping to run into her or reconnect. Now I see it was emotional cheating and wrong. I never even met her in person, so it was just lust stuck in my mind. Since then, my girlfriend lost trust in me and started trying to be more masculine, feeling like she was competing and getting easily triggered.
🚫 I’m stuck. Leaving my girlfriend now would ruin my relationship with my family, and she’d have nowhere to go. But staying makes me more depressed every day. I’m on medication and feel like my youth is slipping away. I regret not exploring more before her. I only slept with 2 women before. When I tried to break up, she begged me to stay and offered that I could sleep around while she waited but I refused because that wouldn’t be fair to her.
🪞I’m still dating her but feel guilty for leading her on. I’ve lost myself in this relationship and put on 10 kg. I hate the way I look. I wanted someone who would push me, but she’s my mirror. We even say the same things and act alike. We often leave the house messy because we’re both struggling mentally and isolated from friends. She had therapy for a while but stopped due to cost. Her therapist once told her that they knew the girl I talked to. It used to be one of their old patients but she was problematic. The fact that the therapist told my gf the confidential info about that other girl made me distrust therapy even more. Although I know people will say I need it.
Please tell me what you think about this situation. You can be harsh, because I know that what I did was not moral at all. I haven’t told any of my friends this, because I am afraid. All of our friends are common and they would think I am a s!lut. I have been keeping this inside for over one year. Thank you!
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Points of view
It's clear you're in a really complicated situation, and I absolutely resonate with how you're feeling. Balancing personal freedom with relationship obligations is tough, especially when your partner is deeply intertwined with your life and family. 😞 It sounds like you're struggling between staying for everyone else's benefit and leaving for your own well-being;
Have you thought about how your girlfriend might respond if you shared your feelings more openly? It's really important to consider your own mental health and not stay locked in a situation where you're unhappy. Your feeling of having "sold your soul for money" is strong, and maybe it's time to reevaluate your priorities. It might also be worth considering how professional guidance could provide new insights and help navigate these emotions.
man, that sounds like such a tough spot to be in. totally get why you're feeling suffocated. it's like you're stuck between what your family wants and what you really want. 🤯 you're carrying a lot on your shoulders, and it’s super relatable. i mean, wanting "freedom and self-discovery" is something we all crave, especially when we're young.
ever thought about taking a short solo trip just to clear your mind? maybe it’s time to put yourself first and figure out what truly makes you happy. not saying it's an easy fix, but it might give you some headspace. hang in there, and remember, it's okay not to have everything figured out right now. sometimes, stepping away can really help you see things more clearly! 🌄
dude, it really feels like you're projecting a lot onto your girlfriend. sure, relationships can be tough, but blaming her for everything that's going wrong ain't gonna help; 🤷♂️ you mention being "trapped," but it sounds more like you're trapping yourself by not making the decisions you need to make.
I've been there, thinking that changing someone else would change my own situation. turns out, I had to look at myself instead. being honest with her and yourself is a step in the right direction. it sucks to hear, but sometimes the hard choices are the ones we need. why keep dragging it out if you're both just miserable??? making decisions based on what your parents think will just keep you stuck. it’s your life, man!
I truly empathize with your predicament and understand how challenging it must be to navigate such a complex situation! While it is evident that you are experiencing immense pressure, it's commendable that you have taken the time to articulate your thoughts and emotions so thoroughly. Relationships can indeed become intertwined with various aspects of our lives, and it's not uncommon for individuals to feel as though they are sacrificing a part of themselves in the process!
I once faced a similar situation where I felt overwhelmed by familial expectations and partner responsibilities. However, I discovered that focusing on open communication and finding common ground helped create a more harmonious balance. Even small steps towards self-fulfillment can yield significant benefits over time. Although it may appear daunting, know that it is entirely possible to reach a resolution that honors both your individual aspirations and your present commitments. Wishing you clarity and strength as you navigate this journey!!!
honestly, it sounds like you're placing a lot of blame on your girlfriend for your own unhappiness. while I get that things are complicated, it seems like you're more focused on how you're "missing out on life" than on actually taking steps to change that. 🤔 I've been in a relationship where I felt like I was sacrificing too much of myself, but I learned that it wasn't about the other person—it was about how I was managing my own choices.
if you feel trapped, it might be time to ask if you're being fair to her. expecting someone else to fill the gaps in your life won't work. you mentioned that you "chose someone kind and stable," but stability shouldn't be a burden. maybe it's time to own up and take responsibility for your own satisfaction. relationships are a two-way street, and if you're not happy, it's up to you to make a change. blaming her isn't going to solve anything.
totally feel you on this one. you're in such a tough spot, and everything you're saying makes a lot of sense. it's no wonder you're feeling trapped with all that's going on in your life. 😞 your story about feeling like you've "sold your soul for money" really hit home. it's hard when pressures from family and your relationship collide like that;
i get the guilt you're carrying about wanting more freedom and it isn't fair to you or your girlfriend. these choices are heavy, and nobody wants to hurt someone they care about. staying in this situation sounds like it's affecting your mental state in a big way, which isn’t good for anyone involved. hang in there and try to find a way that works for both of you. 💔
man, i totally get what you're going through and it's really tough. you're feeling all sorts of pressure from every direction and it sucks. makes perfect sense why you'd feel trapped like that. 😞 you said you were "running your business and dealing with mental health issues," and that's a lot for anyone to handle. trying to balance a personal life while also dealing with family and work is like a heavy weight to carry.
it's clear you love your partner's personality and how she adds value to your life; but at the same time, you can't ignore your own feelings and the doubts that have been building up. sometimes people stay together because it seems easier or because they’re scared of the fallout, but it's super important to consider your own happiness too.
you have been an incredibly supportive person, and it's evident you care deeply, but don't forget you deserve to find fulfillment and joy in your own life. navigating through these feelings can be super difficult, but being honest with yourself is a good place to start. hoping you find a way to figure things out!
i see where you're coming from, but it feels like you're placing a lot of emphasis on what you think you're missing out on. you reference "freedom, partying, self-discovery," but don't forget that everyone's path is different. questioning your relationship is normal, but it's worth considering if you're projecting other frustrations onto it.
you mention feeling like you're "trapped," but have you really explored every option for resolving this? it might be helpful to look internally and think about what changes in your life could make you happier without immediately assuming it's the relationship. remember, sometimes the grass seems greener, but the reality might not be as different as you think.
It's crucial to prioritize personal well-being and ensure open communication with everyone involved. It might feel daunting now, but embracing small changes can lead to significant positive shifts in your situation. Maintaining optimism and being patient with yourself through this process can make a difference. Remember, it's okay to seek a path that truly aligns with your values and goals. You've got this! 😊
completely get where you're coming from; it's a really tough spot to be in. emotions can get so complicated when you're in a long-term relationship and start questioning whether it's right for you. your feelings of being trapped are valid, and it's very brave of you to share your story here. 😓
i've been in a similar situation where the pressures of a relationship felt overwhelming, and I had to make some really hard decisions about what I wanted for myself. it's difficult when expectations from family and self-doubt start to weigh you down!!! while it's crucial to consider your partner's feelings, it's equally important to prioritize your own mental health and well-being.
you're dealing with so much right now, and it's totally understandable to feel bogged down. it's okay to take your time figuring things out. remember that you deserve happiness and fulfillment in your life, too. please take care!
it's evident you're navigating a complex and emotionally fraught situation. the blend of familial expectations, personal aspirations, and relationship dynamics can be really overwhelming. "feeling like you sold your soul for money" is something many ambitious people can relate to; 😔
while your concerns and frustrations are entirely valid, it's worth noting that acknowledging these feelings is a crucial first step toward any resolution. it sounds like you have a genuine appreciation for what your relationship has offered, but also an understanding that it may not align with your long-term goals anymore. balancing personal freedom with relationship commitments is indeed challenging, but prioritizing your mental health and self-fulfillment is essential.
have you considered having a candid conversation with your partner about your aspirations and the emotional turmoil you're facing? sometimes opening up can pave the way for mutual understanding, creating opportunities for both growth and meaningful change. remember, the journey towards self-fulfillment is as important as the destination. best of luck on navigating this intricate part of your life!!!
hey, i get that you're feeling trapped and all, but it kinda sounds like you're focusing a lot on what you think is missing. sometimes we think that our problems are because of the people around us, but it might be more about how we're seeing things. 🤔
i went through something similar where i felt stuck, blaming my surroundings. turned out, i needed to change my own mindset. have you thought about whether there's anything you can do to make small changes or set new goals for yourself? maybe it's not the relationship holding you back but those expectations you're carrying. just a thought.
man, it seems like you're stuck in a loop of self-pity and blaming your situation on your girlfriend. i mean, relationships are supposed to be a two-way street, right; ?! you're talking about "freedom, partying, self-discovery" like they're distant dreams, but have you thought about whether you're just using your relationship as an excuse for not taking action? got news for you, nobody is going to hand you your ideal life on a silver platter.
honestly, it sounds like you need to take a hard look at what you really want and figure out how to work towards that. expecting her to change or your situation to magically get better without putting in the effort yourself won't get you anywhere. don't let yourself off the hook too easily!!!
i can totally relate to what you're going through. relationships can get really tangled up with all the expectations and responsibilities. it's understandable to feel stuck, especially when it feels like your youth is slipping away. 😟 i remember being in a similar spot where my commitments felt like chains holding me back from what i really wanted.
it's tough when you feel like you're living more for others than for yourself! your feelings of emptiness and frustration are valid, no doubt about it. it’s completely okay to want more for yourself and to question if you’re truly happy with where things are. take care of yourself, and remember it’s important to prioritize your own mental health and happiness. hang in there!