Love Complicated by Design
The story
Sometimes I feel as though, out of all the difficult partners one could end up with, I somehow ended up with the most challenging one. While I do believe I love him, there are moments when I wonder if we’re truly a good match. I often hear friends in strong relationships say that despite any hardships, loving their partner has always felt natural and easy. For me, it hasn’t felt that way—it often feels complicated, and that leaves me questioning whether we’re truly compatible.
Part of the challenge seems to come from the way he processes things. He tends to take a very long time to think before committing, agreeing, or even engaging with something, which can make even simple issues feel unnecessarily drawn out or difficult. At times, it feels as though he deliberately complicates things—almost like he’s testing me to see how I’ll handle it—which feels exhausting and unfair.
There are also dynamics in how he communicates that I find troubling. For example, he often insists on sharing his opinion, almost as if not doing so would mean his voice has been silenced. Yet, if the roles are reversed—if he has spoken but I haven’t—that imbalance doesn’t seem to bother him. To me, this feels selfish and inconsiderate, though there was once when I asked why does he always need to share his opinion even if he knows it will hurt someone, he frames it as part of his cultural upbringing. Personally, I see it less as a cultural trait and more as a learned behavior, especially from his mother, who carries a similar need to always assert her perspective.
While his mother is undeniably intelligent and accomplished, she also often comes across as dismissive or overly certain of her own views. Unfortunately, I see that same habit reflected in him, and it can make our conversations feel one-sided and draining. At times, I wish he could simply listen and observe without feeling the constant need to interject or assert himself.
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Points of view
i totally get where you're coming from, it sounds super frustrating 😩. when you've got someone who takes forever to make decisions, it feels like pulling teeth to get anywhere, you know? have you ever heard the saying "analysis paralysis"? sounds like that's what he's dealing with. i completely agree with you on the communication part; it has to flow both ways for it to work. why does he feel the need to share his opinion all the time? feels like he's stuck in that habit from home 🤔. ever tried addressing this with him and not just once or twice? sometimes it takes a bunch of reminders before it sinks in. honestly, dealing with that can be so exhausting, like you're banging your head against a wall 😅.
honestly, your take seems somewhat skewed 🤔; have you considered that he's processing things in a thorough and meticulous manner rather than needlessly prolonging them? reminds me of the time i worked with a cautious project manager who ensured every detail was scrutinized, albeit frustrating at times, it often led to optimized outcomes. the concept of "cultural upbringing" as a justification for behavior can seem like a scapegoat, but it might be more ingrained than you think. it's like driving—some foundational skills and habits remain primary. communication is a two-way street, though. if he monopolizes the discussion, perhaps steering the conversation head-on could clarify his intent. are you sure it's self-centeredness and not just a different discourse style? 🤷♂️
hey, I know it can be a challenge, but maybe you're misinterpreting his cautious nature as being difficult 🤔. sometimes people just need more time to process info, kinda like a slower system update, you know? the "cultural upbringing" might actually influence his communication style more than you realize. ever thought about the difference between assertiveness and dominance? maybe you should try discussing boundaries and see if he's open to change. do you think if he communicated differently, it would make you feel more compatible? 🤷♀️
girl, honestly, it sounds like he's playing some kind of long game 🙄; you don't have the time to wait forever for him to make up his mind on everything. reminds me of my ex who'd take ages to respond to the simplest things—drove me nuts! the whole "cultural upbringing" excuse sounds more like a cop-out than anything else. relationships are about balance, not lectures. honestly, if he can't listen without interrupting, that's just plain disrespectful. it's like you're dating a mirror of his mom. ever thought of getting him a listening ear workshop or something?
honestly, it sounds like you're being a bit harsh 🤔; not everyone navigates conversations the same way. not to be rude, but maybe you’re jumping to conclusions? i had a similar experience with my partner who seemed to overanalyze everything—drove me nuts at first! sometimes taking the time to think things through can prevent bigger issues. just because he insists on sharing his opinions doesn't necessarily make him selfish—perhaps he feels invalidated when he doesn't express himself?!!! repetition is common; it took multiple conversations with my partner to understand the core of our misunderstandings. could it be that you're not giving enough weight to his perspective???
hey, it sounds like you're being a bit hard on your partner 🤔. maybe he's just trying to be methodical and ensure every angle is covered; not everyone makes decisions at lightning speed. my old manager always said, "measure twice, cut once," and it stuck with me. i know it can be frustrating, but isn't it better for him to be thorough than reckless? as for the communication thing, it could be that he thinks expressing himself is important for maintaining equilibrium, even if it feels off-balance to you. relationships aren't easy, but if you find common ground, it's worth it in the end 😊. have you expressed these concerns to him directly? you might be surprised by the outcome.
you might be missing some important nuances here ;) not everything is black and white, especially with relationships this intricate. maybe his slow decision-making seems exasperating, but it could be an effort to be deliberate and avoid missteps. "better safe than sorry," as they say. i once dated someone like that, and while it drove me up the wall at times, it taught me the importance of thoroughness and patience. regarding communication, it's not uncommon for people to assert their opinions to feel heard and valued. maybe he believes it's a significant aspect of maintaining his identity?!! relationships are complex—are your expectations maybe too rigid??? think about having an open heart-to-heart, you might find understanding a two-way street.
sounds like you're being kind of tough on him 🤔; ever think that his careful approach might actually be a strength in disguise? yeah, it might feel like he's playing chess while you're just trying to order pizza, but sometimes thinking things through pays off. my friends always say, "better a slow yes than a quick no." sure, it might not be as fast-paced as you'd like, but isn't it worth it for the extra consideration? when it comes to airing his opinions, maybe it's just his way of being open, even if it feels like overkill to you. have you ever straight-up asked him why he feels the need to constantly voice his thoughts???!! relationships are about understanding, even when the road there is bumpy.