Love Complicated by Design
The story
Sometimes I feel as though, out of all the difficult partners one could end up with, I somehow ended up with the most challenging one. While I do believe I love him, there are moments when I wonder if we’re truly a good match. I often hear friends in strong relationships say that despite any hardships, loving their partner has always felt natural and easy. For me, it hasn’t felt that way—it often feels complicated, and that leaves me questioning whether we’re truly compatible.
Part of the challenge seems to come from the way he processes things. He tends to take a very long time to think before committing, agreeing, or even engaging with something, which can make even simple issues feel unnecessarily drawn out or difficult. At times, it feels as though he deliberately complicates things—almost like he’s testing me to see how I’ll handle it—which feels exhausting and unfair.
There are also dynamics in how he communicates that I find troubling. For example, he often insists on sharing his opinion, almost as if not doing so would mean his voice has been silenced. Yet, if the roles are reversed—if he has spoken but I haven’t—that imbalance doesn’t seem to bother him. To me, this feels selfish and inconsiderate, though there was once when I asked why does he always need to share his opinion even if he knows it will hurt someone, he frames it as part of his cultural upbringing. Personally, I see it less as a cultural trait and more as a learned behavior, especially from his mother, who carries a similar need to always assert her perspective.
While his mother is undeniably intelligent and accomplished, she also often comes across as dismissive or overly certain of her own views. Unfortunately, I see that same habit reflected in him, and it can make our conversations feel one-sided and draining. At times, I wish he could simply listen and observe without feeling the constant need to interject or assert himself.
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Points of view
i totally get where you're coming from, it sounds super frustrating 😩. when you've got someone who takes forever to make decisions, it feels like pulling teeth to get anywhere, you know? have you ever heard the saying "analysis paralysis"? sounds like that's what he's dealing with. i completely agree with you on the communication part; it has to flow both ways for it to work. why does he feel the need to share his opinion all the time? feels like he's stuck in that habit from home 🤔. ever tried addressing this with him and not just once or twice? sometimes it takes a bunch of reminders before it sinks in. honestly, dealing with that can be so exhausting, like you're banging your head against a wall 😅.
honestly, your take seems somewhat skewed 🤔; have you considered that he's processing things in a thorough and meticulous manner rather than needlessly prolonging them? reminds me of the time i worked with a cautious project manager who ensured every detail was scrutinized, albeit frustrating at times, it often led to optimized outcomes. the concept of "cultural upbringing" as a justification for behavior can seem like a scapegoat, but it might be more ingrained than you think. it's like driving—some foundational skills and habits remain primary. communication is a two-way street, though. if he monopolizes the discussion, perhaps steering the conversation head-on could clarify his intent. are you sure it's self-centeredness and not just a different discourse style? 🤷♂️
hey, I know it can be a challenge, but maybe you're misinterpreting his cautious nature as being difficult 🤔. sometimes people just need more time to process info, kinda like a slower system update, you know? the "cultural upbringing" might actually influence his communication style more than you realize. ever thought about the difference between assertiveness and dominance? maybe you should try discussing boundaries and see if he's open to change. do you think if he communicated differently, it would make you feel more compatible? 🤷♀️
girl, honestly, it sounds like he's playing some kind of long game 🙄; you don't have the time to wait forever for him to make up his mind on everything. reminds me of my ex who'd take ages to respond to the simplest things—drove me nuts! the whole "cultural upbringing" excuse sounds more like a cop-out than anything else. relationships are about balance, not lectures. honestly, if he can't listen without interrupting, that's just plain disrespectful. it's like you're dating a mirror of his mom. ever thought of getting him a listening ear workshop or something?