i recently entered a new relationship after the mess that was my last breakup. it's supposed to be exciting right? well, for someone who's still hanging by the threads of anxiety from being burned last time, it's been... let's just say, a challenge. every tiny action or word from my partner gets dissected under a microscope when, really, it probably doesn't mean anything! do they like me as much as i like them? is this all in my head??? trust issues are such an annoying baggage to carry into something fresh yet here we are; there are moments where i'm completely in the moment and truly happy but then, bam! imagining scenarios where i'm hurt again pops up outta nowhere...that's exhausting.....

having gone through a pretty nasty breakup before has left me with scars that don't seem to fade. i try my best to shake off these lingering doubts because it's not fair: for either of us. but who am i kidding?! it’s like walking on eggshells around myself. sometimes i feel like blowing up over the smallest things even if deep down i know they’re ridiculous fears playing tricks on my mind. can't blame anyone else when you're your own worst enemy huh? communication helps they'd say....but how do you voice insecurities without seeming clingy or dramatic?

i start doubting every plan we make together or wondering about the tone of their texts...isn't that stupidly draining? yeah... paranoid isn't it? constantly fearing betrayal and mistrust whispering at the back of your mind. so what now? keep smiling through gritted teeth hoping nobody notices... jump ship at any sign of trouble maybe?? part of me is too tired for this endless cycle while another part desperately hopes things'll turn out differently despite everything.

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