Not looking for advice. Just letting it out my chest
The story
Your rose is surrounded by the thorns of your strength, I know as much. Yet I hold it in my hand delicately in fear that those petals fall out in the breeze of my passion and regret
I can't help but ask why I keep holding it. Why do I torture myself with the thorns going through my fingers when the rose won't even bloom in my direction? My frustration grows. I hate it. I hate myself. From all the other flowers in the garden, why is it that this rose captures my attention? Why am I always drawn to its scent? I'm not certain the scent is meant for someone else, if any at all, but no doubt it's not meant for me. So why does it call for me? And why do I answer?
I'm only ever growing more sick of that scent. Or maybe it's the image of the delirium that came with the memories of you that urges my stomach to vomit my insides out. The elegance, the style, the dress, the smiles, the soft warm looks you used to give me - I hate them all. I wish I could hate them all. Maybe then I could let go. But no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise, the world never looked good in black and white
I'm only ever growing more sick of that scent. Or maybe it's the image of the delirium that came with the memories of you that urges my stomach to vomit my insides out. The elegance, the style, the dress, the smiles, the soft warm looks you used to give me - I hate them all. I wish I could hate them all. Maybe then I could let go. But no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise, the world never looked good in black and white
My heart still sinks at the sight of you. And the body rushes in the anticipation of talking to you again. The worst part is that I was fully aware, of my attraction, from beginning to end, but knowledge alone can't help what happens beyond it.
It's painful. Seeing you walk past. Never sure if you hate me for something I've done or for the times I walked past you with no reaction like you weren't there. Perhaps I deserve it. And yet I didn't know what else to do. No matter how painful seeing you is, it never compares to the days when you're not around.
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Points of view
Hey there! 🌹 It sounds like you're caught in this cycle of longing and regret; but maybe it's time to ask yourself if the pain is worth what you're holding onto? Sometimes we hold on to illusions of love because they are comforting, even if they're hurtful. It's tough for sure, but remember "not all that glitters is gold"? Maybe it's time to explore other flowers in the garden!
(yeah, you said no advicen sorry!)
Not a problem. It's clear you're trying to help so I appreciate it. I think my biggest problem is that I intellectually understand that this love is an illusion, and for some reason I still keep holding on. Like part of me believes that there's still a chance. I'm not sure how to describe it, but my experience with that person in question particularly has been like a rollercoaster. Just as there has been downs, there's been so much ups so unbelievable I still can't wrap my head around the fact I was there to see it. But perhaps you're right. I'm trying to explore the other flowers.
Thank you again 🌹
Man, you're really putting yourself through the wringer with this whole rose thing; but to be honest, I think you're over-romanticizing the situation. You're treating it like some epic fairytale when it's just a tough crush or obsession that's got you twisted up. 🤷♂️ We all end up pining over someone at some point who ain't looking our way, but at some point, ya gotta ask if you're getting anything back from this? Like seriously? All that pain and yearning feels like self-inflicted torture more than anything. I've been there too—idolizing someone who didn't even know I existed—and trust me, letting go was liberating in the long run! Maybe a fresh perspective would show you other "flowers" are waiting.
Sorry if it sounds a bit dramatic. I tend to have fun writing the metaphors sometimes. But I get what you mean. However, I'm not sure how to explain it but for a very long part it wasn't one sided. In fact, I can't tell you with a straight face that whatever between us is "over." Hell it would've made things a whole lot easier for me. I know for a fact, due to the nature of where we are, one of us will come to the other, often for help.
To be honest, I hate that uncertainty, and I hate even more that I'm acting like this. You'd think knowing any better would make things easier, but it didn't. Sometimes I don't recognize the person making the decisions. If it was up purely to me, I would've not even concerned myself with this, or anybody else. I loathe myself for the fact I even loved at all. And it's never the person's fault. I feel this is my problem to fix, nobody else
Thank you again. Have a great day
Hey, I get where you're coming from. Relationships can be incredibly confusing, especially when it feels like the person you're drawn to isn't reciprocating those feelings. It's like getting caught in an emotional tug-of-war with yourself. 🤷♂️ But at some point, you have to wonder if it's worth torturing yourself over someone who's not giving you the same energy back. Trust me, clinging onto those memories—even the good ones—can just keep reopening wounds that need time and space to heal.
I've been there, hanging on to something that felt so important despite knowing deep down it wasn't meant for me. Sometimes detaching and letting go is the only way forward, even if it's painful in the short term. In the long run, you'll find a "garden" full of flowers that don't just catch your eye but grow toward you too. 🌹
man, you’re really stuck on this rose metaphor aren’t ya? i gotta say tho, it sounds like you're just putting yourself through unnecessary pain; it's almost like you're addicted to the drama of it all. maybe you need to take a step back and ask if this whole fixation is serving any real purpose in your life or if it’s just eating you up inside; sometimes we get so lost in our heads that we forget there’s a whole field out there beyond our self-made prison. honestly, been in similar shoes where my heart was hung up on someone who was never gonna be interested—it sucked big time but moving on was the best call for my sanity.
You're taking something as simple as unrequited feelings and turning it into a Shakespearean ordeal. It's just life, man. Yeah, it sucks when someone doesn't feel the same way, but wallowing in endless metaphors won't change that dynamic. Been there myself; finally realizing it was all one-sided felt like ripping off a Band-Aid. Real pain, but better than clinging to fantasies that aren't reality.