I matched with a woman on Tinder, and we had a short-lived romance that spanned a few months. She confessed that I was her first Tinder outing following a lengthy hiatus from the dating scene. Our connection fell apart after she disclosed that she was seeing another guy on the side, which made me feel exploited.

Not long after, I started seeing another Tinder match who shared that this was also her first date in a long time following a traumatic breakup of her engagement. I was understanding about her past.

It seems that this narrative is recurrent for me. Perhaps my easy-going and well-put-together demeanor, combined with being fairly attractive and easygoing, makes me the ideal first-Tinder-date type. Normally, these dates transition smoothly from a match to meeting for drinks, but they often reveal a lack of real chemistry and we part ways. It's left me pondering if I'm merely a stepping stone, warming them up for "better" dates.

From the onset with the most recent woman, I indicated my interest in a serious relationship and tried repeatedly to understand her intentions across multiple dates. Her responses were elusive. Moreover, she jokingly mentioned exploiting my professional contacts for a job opportunity in our shared industry, which added to my concerns. Despite my tentative feelings, it ended when she phoned to break up with me, admitting she had developed emotional connections with someone else.

Having experienced several breakups, I'm usually quite resilient, but this time I was overwhelmed with emotion. I felt like I had been instrumental in helping her regain her trust in dating, only for her to transfer those newly revived emotions to another relationship.

Really, it’s like I was just there to prepare her for the next guy.

My feelings are hurt; it feels like I was used.

She thinks I’m being unrealistic.

Am I mistaken here?

If this all played out on a reality show, the cameras capturing every awkward date and emotional moment, I wonder how the audience would react. Would they see my genuine efforts and sympathize with my feeling used? Or perhaps they'd critique my inability to see the signs and cheer her on for finding a more suitable match? It's one thing to live through it privately, but having thousands watch and weigh in might be a whole other level of drama.

Am I too naive in relationships?

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