#1: Thanksgiving Drama
The story
I feel like I could write an entire collection of lengthy books on all the crappy things my MIL has done in the time that I’ve known her (almost 9 years.) But I’ll keep this one recent, since it’s a holiday in America where I’m located. So this is a Thanksgiving version.
A little backstory: my spouse had a major surgery about 2 months ago, and has had minor complications after (incisions had the start of an infection, still having some bleeding). We switch off each year for Thanksgiving on which family we are going to see; last year it was my partner’s side, so this year it was my side. We see my family 2-3 times a year, whereas we see my partner’s family at least three times as often. My parents are also divorced, so when we DO go see my family, we have to spend the time traveling from house to house.
The weekend BEFORE Thanksgiving, my MIL says she wants us to make the 2.5 hour trip down to see them since my SIL who goes to college 20 mins away from us was going down that way for a concert. Didn’t really see what the concert had to do with us traveling since we weren’t going but I digress. We suggested they come up to see us, as my spouse is still recovering from surgery and it made more sense to us to not have two cars, ours and my SIL’s, drive down. We are always the ones who have to drive to THEM, not them come to us. My MIL said no, because she didn’t want to. So when my spouse tried to reason with her that it would be hard on their body to be in a car for 2.5 hours, plus we lease so adding unnecessary miles to the car isn’t smart, my MIL tried guilting my spouse by saying, “I’m not going to be around forever.” We find out from my FIL that he would be driving my SIL down to her concert which was in another state, so they would essentially be gone all day Saturday (the day my spouse and I would make the drive) and my spouse had to work their remote job on Sunday for 8 hours and then we would have to leave right after so we could go grocery shopping, do laundry, etc to prepare for the week. So we wouldn’t even see my FIL and SIL while we were there. My MIL would just sit there with us in the living room, watching Facebook reels on her phone at full volume, then go to bed at like 8:30 PM and leave me and my spouse to watch their dog along with our dog who is much smaller.
Fast forward to the Thursday before we would make the drive, and my spouse is having a lot of body pain and visits their surgeon for their 6-week post-op check up. Their Dr says they need another week of bed rest, which means we can’t go see my in laws and also means we have to shorten our trip to see my family (which is honestly fine by me because I was dreading the trip anyway.) I text in our group chat to let the in laws know, and only my FIL responds. He is a really understanding guy and was of course more concerned for his child not yet recovering, but we haven’t heard a peep from my MIL. But of course she’s been posting on Facebook.
My SIL tells my spouse that their mom, my MIL, has been texting my SIL and asking if we were still going to make the trip to see my family. As if my SIL would know or as if it’s any of her business. She also has my FIL send my spouse a text to say something like, “Just wondering if you traveling to see ___’s family is a good idea…”
Today, the day I’m writing this, is Thanksgiving day, and so both my spouse and I text in our group chat to tell my in laws happy holiday and send some photos. My FIL does respond, says something like “you’re missing all this” and sent just a picture of basic foods that we were also having. My SIL sends a text as well. But we have heard nothing from my MIL. My MIL is always complaining to my FIL—who then relays this to my spouse—that my spouse does not reach out enough, that my spouse never texts my MIL, things along those lines. But the phone works both ways—and as the parents, even though my spouse is an adult, the responsibility to maintain the relationship should be my MIL’s responsibility. Of course my spouse doesn’t feel compelled to reach out to my MIL because of the fact that she is a narcissist. They always call my spouse on Thanksgiving because my spouse says my in laws always try to ruin my spouse’s mood because we aren’t there, even though we have been switching off for the last 6-7 years.
I think the thing that bothers me the most is of course how they make my spouse feel like crap, but also the fact that my MIL is ALWAYS assuming we see my family more, which in her mind means we like them more “because they have more money” (which isn’t true). They have met my family, they know them. My dad and my FIL go camping together for a week in the summer. They KNOW me… And something else that bothers me is they told us they were going to have us “stay for dinner” on Sunday before we left. My spouse finds out from my SIL that this dinner was going to be Thanksgiving dinner. With them nearly a week before actual Thanksgiving. When it’s my in laws’ year for us to spend Thanksgiving with them, we don’t go see my family a week early to celebrate the holiday with them. My family gets they had their turn the year before and will have their turn again the next year. My in laws were going to try to sneak it in there. That’s shady to me and disrespectful to the boundaries my spouse and I have set and also disrespectful I feel to my family. Ughhhhhh it just frustrates my spouse and I.
Anyway, like I said earlier I have sooo many stories. I feel like this one is pretty tame actually. If anyone would like more (and trust me, I have been itching to spill these stories to someone) please let me know. Venting about it all does really help, but it’s not fair to my spouse to convent to them and I would never talk badly about my one family to my biological family.
Cheers friends, and to all who can relate to this, I see you and I’m sorry.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Wow, that sounds like a real headache. Your MIL clearly has boundary issues and doesn't seem to respect your or your spouse's needs, which is frustrating as hell! 😤 The sneaky Thanksgiving dinner plan shows such a lack of consideration for the balancing act you both already have to perform; it's almost like she expects the world to revolve around her!!! At least it seems like your FIL understands and respects the situation more; hang in there, things can only get better from here, right?
sounds like your MIL has a way of making everything more complicated than it needs to be. it's so frustrating when people try to guilt-trip you into doing things that make zero sense for your situation. 😒 i mean, the whole sneaky dinner plan is just wild!! who even does that? it's great that your FIL seems more understanding, but honestly, dealing with family drama can be so draining. hang in there and just keep setting those boundaries; you're right to protect your peace and prioritize what's best for you both!
yeah, sounds like your MIL has some major control issues, huh?? trying to manipulate the situation with guilt trips and sneakiness is just so childish, really... 🙄 it's good that your FIL is somewhat reasonable, but man, dealing with this kind of nonsense must get exhausting quickly. maybe it's time to have a direct chat with her about respecting boundaries??? honestly, if she's gonna act like this every year, it might be worth reconsidering how often you even bother visiting... there's only so much drama one can handle!
ugh, your MIL sounds like a real piece of work. it's so unfair that you guys have to deal with this extra stress when you're already managing recovery and hectic holiday plans. reminds me of my aunt who always had to make everything about her during family gatherings. sometimes it feels like people forget the importance of mutual respect and understanding in relationships 🤷♀️. i hope you both find some peace amidst all the chaos!
it appears your MIL is leveraging emotional manipulation, which in psychological terms, borders on narcissistic tendencies. the insistence on prioritizing her wishes without regard for your spouse's health clearly underscores a lack of empathy and respect for boundaries. having to split time between families is already exhausting without the added strain of guilt trips disguised as invitations. personally, i'd recommend establishing firm boundaries and communicating them explicitly!! perhaps even putting them in writing to avoid any “misunderstandings”... i'm sorry you have to endure this; familial obligation shouldn't come at the cost of one's mental or physical well-being.
man, your tales sound like they could fill a whole soap opera series. dealing with passive-aggressive in-laws is like walking on eggshells; it's crazy to think they assume so much and demand even more when you're just trying to juggle everything reasonably. maybe your spouse's recovery can be a chance for a fresh start => sometimes you gotta put people on mute, for real; sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders though, keep that vibe going!
sounds like you're caught in quite the family juggling act, with your MIL stirring up drama where it's least needed: it's wild how some folks can't grasp the concept of taking turns!
It seems your MIL might be caught in a cycle of unyielding expectations that make genuine connection difficult... This could stem from her own past experiences or unmet needs, which unfortunately manifest as manipulative behaviors now....
Wow, that's a rough spot to be in; juggling family obligations and recovery is already tough without the added drama from your MIL. 😓 Reading about her posting on Facebook instead of reaching out personally resonated with me: reminds me of situations where folks prefer public displays over genuine connections. It's almost like some people value appearances more than actual relationships, right? Your approach to splitting time between families seems fair and balanced, yet it's so frustrating when others don't appreciate that effort. Hang in there! It sounds like you've got a good support system in your FIL, which can make all the difference.
your MIL's behavior sounds like it's testing your patience on a whole new level; it's tough enough dealing with the logistics of family visits without added drama.
finding oneself in such a complex familial dynamic truly resonates with my own experiences; reminds me of when my brother's MIL tried dictating our family Christmas plans without understanding our commitments. "family is supposed to be about support, not control," as the saying goes, yet it's evident your MIL embraces a different approach... one that's rooted in self-interest over genuine connection. perhaps leveraging clear communication channels could help bridge misunderstandings and alleviate some friction? *(and sometimes a little humor helps too!)* navigating this requires patience and resilience: it seems you're well-equipped intellectually, just remember to guard against emotional burnout.
dang, it's wild how your MIL is trying to orchestrate everything like she's directing some kind of twisted holiday play. it's like she doesn't get that life isn't all about her drama... especially when your spouse's health should be the priority now. maybe letting things cool off and focusing on your own peace would make a world of difference; you two have done more than enough juggling already. just keep your head up and stay true to what works best for y'all! 🧘♂️
man, your MIL sounds like a real piece of work... it's mind-blowing how some people can be so set in their ways they don't see the forest for the trees. i get that she's probably worried about losing time with her kid, but guilt-tripping during a recovery isn't cool at all??? maybe putting your foot down and sticking to what keeps you guys comfortable could send a message; besides, life is too short to let someone else's stubbornness dictate where you spend your time❤️
Wow, your MIL sounds like a real piece of work. 😒 It's like she thinks the world revolves around her and can't handle a simple change in plans. Your spouse's health should be the main focus now, and it's frustrating that she doesn't seem to get it. You guys are doing the right thing by putting your foot down and setting boundaries, but dealing with her nonsense must be exhausting. Keep doing what you gotta do for yourselves!
navigating family dynamics can be like attempting a high-stakes negotiation: with your MIL's antics resembling a game of psychological chess, it’s paramount to establish firm boundaries!
it's really telling how your MIL seems to prioritize control over empathy, and I can't help but wonder if she's projecting her own insecurities onto you guys.
wow, your MIL's behavior is really something else. it’s frustrating how she can't see beyond her own wants to actually prioritize what's best for your spouse right now. honestly, it's like she's trying to force a narrative that just doesn't fit anyone else's reality, especially when y'all are just trying to keep things balanced. 🙄 maybe it's high time she realized that respect goes both ways in a family dynamic and that her actions have real consequences on relationships. at least you’ve got your FIL on side!! sounds like he gets where you're coming from and that's gotta be some relief!
can't believe your MIL's got the nerve to pull these guilt trips when your spouse is recovering?
Dealing with a MIL like that must be taxing, for real. Her expectation for you both to drop everything and cater to her plans, despite your spouse’s recovery, is pretty selfish if you ask me. 🤔 Maybe she feels left out or insecure about the whole switching-off thing? But guilt-tripping your spouse when they're still healing is just not cool at all. Tbh, it's great that your FIL isn't buying into her antics and seems supportive! seems like a small win in the chaos! Keep doing what's best for y'all and maybe find more ways to communicate boundaries clearly? 🗣️ Good luck!!