I feel like I could write an entire collection of lengthy books on all the crappy things my MIL has done in the time that I’ve known her (almost 9 years.) But I’ll keep this one recent, since it’s a holiday in America where I’m located. So this is a Thanksgiving version.

A little backstory: my spouse had a major surgery about 2 months ago, and has had minor complications after (incisions had the start of an infection, still having some bleeding). We switch off each year for Thanksgiving on which family we are going to see; last year it was my partner’s side, so this year it was my side. We see my family 2-3 times a year, whereas we see my partner’s family at least three times as often. My parents are also divorced, so when we DO go see my family, we have to spend the time traveling from house to house.

The weekend BEFORE Thanksgiving, my MIL says she wants us to make the 2.5 hour trip down to see them since my SIL who goes to college 20 mins away from us was going down that way for a concert. Didn’t really see what the concert had to do with us traveling since we weren’t going but I digress. We suggested they come up to see us, as my spouse is still recovering from surgery and it made more sense to us to not have two cars, ours and my SIL’s, drive down. We are always the ones who have to drive to THEM, not them come to us. My MIL said no, because she didn’t want to. So when my spouse tried to reason with her that it would be hard on their body to be in a car for 2.5 hours, plus we lease so adding unnecessary miles to the car isn’t smart, my MIL tried guilting my spouse by saying, “I’m not going to be around forever.” We find out from my FIL that he would be driving my SIL down to her concert which was in another state, so they would essentially be gone all day Saturday (the day my spouse and I would make the drive) and my spouse had to work their remote job on Sunday for 8 hours and then we would have to leave right after so we could go grocery shopping, do laundry, etc to prepare for the week. So we wouldn’t even see my FIL and SIL while we were there. My MIL would just sit there with us in the living room, watching Facebook reels on her phone at full volume, then go to bed at like 8:30 PM and leave me and my spouse to watch their dog along with our dog who is much smaller.

Fast forward to the Thursday before we would make the drive, and my spouse is having a lot of body pain and visits their surgeon for their 6-week post-op check up. Their Dr says they need another week of bed rest, which means we can’t go see my in laws and also means we have to shorten our trip to see my family (which is honestly fine by me because I was dreading the trip anyway.) I text in our group chat to let the in laws know, and only my FIL responds. He is a really understanding guy and was of course more concerned for his child not yet recovering, but we haven’t heard a peep from my MIL. But of course she’s been posting on Facebook.

My SIL tells my spouse that their mom, my MIL, has been texting my SIL and asking if we were still going to make the trip to see my family. As if my SIL would know or as if it’s any of her business. She also has my FIL send my spouse a text to say something like, “Just wondering if you traveling to see ___’s family is a good idea…”

Today, the day I’m writing this, is Thanksgiving day, and so both my spouse and I text in our group chat to tell my in laws happy holiday and send some photos. My FIL does respond, says something like “you’re missing all this” and sent just a picture of basic foods that we were also having. My SIL sends a text as well. But we have heard nothing from my MIL. My MIL is always complaining to my FIL—who then relays this to my spouse—that my spouse does not reach out enough, that my spouse never texts my MIL, things along those lines. But the phone works both ways—and as the parents, even though my spouse is an adult, the responsibility to maintain the relationship should be my MIL’s responsibility. Of course my spouse doesn’t feel compelled to reach out to my MIL because of the fact that she is a narcissist. They always call my spouse on Thanksgiving because my spouse says my in laws always try to ruin my spouse’s mood because we aren’t there, even though we have been switching off for the last 6-7 years.

I think the thing that bothers me the most is of course how they make my spouse feel like crap, but also the fact that my MIL is ALWAYS assuming we see my family more, which in her mind means we like them more “because they have more money” (which isn’t true). They have met my family, they know them. My dad and my FIL go camping together for a week in the summer. They KNOW me… And something else that bothers me is they told us they were going to have us “stay for dinner” on Sunday before we left. My spouse finds out from my SIL that this dinner was going to be Thanksgiving dinner. With them nearly a week before actual Thanksgiving. When it’s my in laws’ year for us to spend Thanksgiving with them, we don’t go see my family a week early to celebrate the holiday with them. My family gets they had their turn the year before and will have their turn again the next year. My in laws were going to try to sneak it in there. That’s shady to me and disrespectful to the boundaries my spouse and I have set and also disrespectful I feel to my family. Ughhhhhh it just frustrates my spouse and I.

Anyway, like I said earlier I have sooo many stories. I feel like this one is pretty tame actually. If anyone would like more (and trust me, I have been itching to spill these stories to someone) please let me know. Venting about it all does really help, but it’s not fair to my spouse to convent to them and I would never talk badly about my one family to my biological family.

Cheers friends, and to all who can relate to this, I see you and I’m sorry.

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