My youngest, Alex, is about to turn seven next week and has been buzzing with excitement at the prospect of his upcoming birthday celebration. He's settled on his dream treat—a chocolate cake covered with chocolate icing, his absolute favorite.

Unfortunately, my mother-in-law often puts her preferences first, and her response to Alex's birthday choice was no different. During a visit, Alex eagerly shared his birthday plans with her, only to be dismissed because she doesn't care for chocolate. She suggested that he should choose a dessert that everyone could enjoy.

In that moment, Alex remembered what he learned at a friend's birthday party. After complaining about the cake flavor at the party, we taught him that the birthday boy or girl gets to choose what they like because it’s their special day. So, with a bit of assertiveness that mirrored the lesson he learned, Alex explained, "It's not your birthday, so you don't get a say.” Normally, I might have called this disrespectful, but it was exactly what we had discussed before.

I supported him by echoing the lesson to my mother-in-law: "When it's your birthday, you can choose whatever you like." That did not sit well with her. She snapped, calling me and Alex names, which led me to decide that perhaps it was best if she didn't attend the birthday party with that kind of attitude.

This decision bewildered my husband, Tom. He even suggested we compromise by buying an additional cake that my mother-in-law would enjoy. However, I stood firm. I believe catering to her whim would only serve to confuse Alex about the boundaries and expectations we've set around birthdays and special occasions.

Tom eventually agreed, recognizing the importance of teaching our son that while he needs to be considerate, he also gets to enjoy his own day just how he wants. Unfortunately, my mother-in-law now expects an apology from Alex, even demanding a written note admitting his wrongdoing, which neither Tom nor I endorse as we don't believe Alex did anything wrong.

She's now threatening to skip the party and withhold his birthday gift unless she receives this apology, a stance that I find rather unreasonable. We've made it clear that her participation in the birthday celebration hinges on her respect for our family’s principles regarding special occasions.

Imagine if this scenario were part of a reality TV show. The drama and the exchange of sharp words might make for entertaining television, with audiences eagerly discussing and debating team loyalties. It would be intriguing to see how viewers might align themselves in such a familial conflict, where generational values clash over something as seemingly simple as a chocolate cake.

What would the audience's reaction be to this scenario on a reality show?

Which birthday party rule do you support?

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