It's been a year since I tied the knot with my husband, and we decided to buy a house together. In a rather unexpected arrangement, he suggested that his mother move in with us, which seemed practical at the time. His mom is genuinely a sweet lady, always bustling in the kitchen, cooking up our meals, and keeping our clothes clean. However, I'm discovering that her presence is impacting my husband’s autonomy. It feels like she treats him more like a boy than a man, packing his lunches, cleaning up his mealtime messes, and even doing the dishes he leaves behind on the table. He’s grown accustomed to this, thinking it's perfectly normal to not lift a finger after meals because she’ll handle everything.

There was a brief period when his mom stayed at his brother's for a month, and I saw a different side of my husband—more responsible and independent. But as soon as she returned, the old habits crept back. It’s frustrating to see him revert because it feels like we're back to square one.

The lack of privacy is something else I struggle with. The house feels more like it belongs to my husband and his mother than to me. She dominates the kitchen from early morning till late at night, which pushes me to confine myself mostly to our bedroom when I’m not at work. It doesn’t even feel like my own home, despite the fact that I contribute to the mortgage. They both have a similar style—messy and cluttered—and whenever I try to organize or arrange things, she rearranges them back. She stocks the fridge so much that food often spoils, yet she refuses to get rid of it.

Every time I have tried to discuss these concerns, my husband reminds me to be thankful that his mom cooks and does our laundry. He doesn’t understand that the only reason she’s taken over these chores is that she occupies every inch of the kitchen and laundry area, making me feel unwelcome. His siblings aren’t willing to take her in, so the responsibility falls on us. I crave my own space, not just for my sanity but also for my dogs, who are restricted to our bedroom because my mother-in-law doesn’t like them around. So, am I just stuck here?

Imagine if this situation were featured on a reality TV show. Viewers would probably be divided. Some might sympathize with the mother-in-law, praising her dedication and efforts to look after her son. Others might side with me, arguing that the constant mothering is hindering my husband's growth as an adult and invading our marital space. The tension and dynamics could certainly make for compelling television, sparking debates about boundaries and independence in family settings.

How should I handle the tension with my mother-in-law?

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