I am 22 and I have a friend, Lauren, who really celebrates her birthday in a big way every year, which is totally fine by me. However, when we both turned 21 last year, she organized a trip to Florida with several of our close friends. I chose not to go because the trip centered heavily on bar-hopping and alcohol, which isn't really my thing. Not only do I generally avoid alcohol, but I also thought it was impractical to spend on a trip mainly for drinking, especially since it conflicted with my college schedule. The trip was planned for a time when I would need to keep up with schoolwork and miss several classes. The plan was to stay at an Airbnb and basically party – something I’m usually not excited about. I’m not judging anyone for enjoying a relaxed vacation that involves drinking; it's just not for me. Moreover, spending $500-900 on something I wouldn't enjoy didn't seem right.

I kindly turned down the invitation, but it didn’t go over well with Lauren. She later expressed disappointment, suggesting that by not joining the trip, I wasn’t supporting her or fully participating in her birthday celebration. On her actual birthday, I did celebrate with her and even gave her gifts. Lauren implied that I wasn’t being a truly supportive friend, arguing that if the roles were reversed, she would have joined the trip simply to be there for me, regardless of the setting. She also pointed out that since my boyfriend and I managed a vacation recently, I should be able to make an exception for her. Moreover, she even offered to pay for my trip, insisting that there were no valid reasons for my absence. However, the truth is the appeal was just not there for me—adding to my dislike of the heavy drinking and sports watching that I knew would dominate the vacation.

When my boyfriend and I went away to Disney for a week during my winter break, the holiday was different. We planned the entire trip, involved zero alcohol or clubbing, and focused on activities we both enjoy. This contrasts sharply with Lauren's spontaneous and loosely planned trip style, which I find stressful. But why must I even justify my travel choices to her?

Looking ahead to 2024, Lauren seems to be planning another similar celebration in Florida for her birthday. I am likely to be invited but have already decided against going. I’m okay with the boundaries I’ve set, even if she isn't.

If this situation played out on a reality TV show, I can imagine the dramatic music and cutaway interviews where everyone weighs in on my decision. There would likely be lots of opinions, with some calling me unsupportive and others applauding me for sticking to my guns and setting healthy boundaries. The tension would certainly be highlighted, and viewers would probably be split on my decision.

Should I go on the Florida trip to support my friend?

Should I reconsider joining the Florida trip?