Against the current and alone
The story
I don't understand how I ended up alone, without a girlfriend, friends, or even family. I have no one to turn to for my life. I keep everything to myself.
No one calls me to find out how I'm doing, where I am, or what I'm doing, or to show interest. It's because of my father, but it's not the same. I don't maintain any relationship structure.
My life in relationships ended in complete disaster. I've even tasted sex, even a courtship. It's been a long time since I kissed a girl; I barely kissed her, and it was only briefly when I was in my early teens, and it was purely a dare.
No girl has ever been interested in me, or even wanted to have something more with me. I can't believe I haven't been attractive to anyone. I also can't believe no one has wanted to be my friend.
I even have a job worthy of respect from others. It's a public one, too. I don't practice my career; I gave it up. I have no basis for this life in the midst of this capitalism.
Without contact, without a boyfriend, without a family, or a career, I'm at the mercy of a current where I can't transcend. I admit it, I got rid of everything because I wanted to start over.
I had superficial relationships, I didn't like my career, dating seemed like something I wasn't ready for, and the connections I had were fraudulent. My father doesn't help me at all because his line is precisely to return to that old life.
Right now, when I feel more prepared than ever to start over, I can't do it. I feel like the system isn't prepared for people who want to start a new life.
I don't know where I'm going to get friends, a girlfriend, contacts, and even restart a career, without an environment that doesn't support me but rather harms me as a father, only making me unstable when it comes to this new goal, if I set it.
I feel like my father is one of my main problems, and I have a strong desire to slam the door in his face, no matter what. I can't start my life if I don't start from scratch. He's the only one who prevents me from doing so, but starting from scratch would also mean losing the financial support he provides.
This isn't easy. With everything else destroyed, and wanting to start slowly, I can't because there's someone, my father, who wants me to recover that. It's the last straw. I wish I hadn't lived the life I chose under disastrous principles. It's not fair that starting over is complicated. I admit that sometimes I feel like going back to the way things were before. There was progress and a certain foresight about what would happen with everything.
Now that I'm going against the grain, nothing is ever predictable. The culture doesn't support me at all. I swear, I wish I could give up many times. However, I feel like the only path left for me is to manage by distancing myself from everyone and maintaining it. Under these conditions, if I want to start over, have some support, and gradually build my life, the best thing is to be alone, to start from there, from that axis, and progress along it, avoiding leaving, consolidating that it is the path, the foundation, to rebuild my life.
In the midst of everything, being alone allows you not to look to others, to that other part of yourself, that you seek to give in to, and that you seek out in itself, precisely because you want to rest. I would like to find someone who can support me on this journey and who can also support my father or my family, as they have also been factors that have served to unify those around me against me, against the path I want to follow.
Being alone, as I say, implies both maintenance and effort, through constant introspection, and this system is not designed to ensure this, but to advance at its own pace, according to a bureaucracy. I fear that they won't be able to cope with each other and I'll end up falling along the way. This introspection is the only thing that has kept me grounded in my ideals.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
I really connect with what you’re saying about how society shapes our choices. It’s such a hard balance between being true to yourself and meeting outside expectations, and starting over—like with a career—can feel almost impossble because the “normal path” is so ingrained. Family can help or hold you back, but either way it takes courage to try something new and maybe unconvntional. Protecting your space matters, but it can slip into isolation too. Still, as tough as it is, reclaiming yourself can bring a deep sense of fulfillment.
hey, just saying, it sounds like you might be blaming others a bit much for being alone? i get that it's tough to start over, but cutting off everyone just to do that, is it really the right move? i've been there, thinking starting fresh means ditching everything, but honestly, you lose a lot that way; i mean, sure, maybe some ties were superficial, but throwing them all away seems extreme. also, relying too much on introspection can trap you in your head. you gotta sometimes step out and see what opportunities are around. it's not easy, but maybe try opening up a bit rather than slamming doors shut?!!! just my two cents. what if staying connected could actually help you rebuild??
it's understandable that starting over feels overwhelming, but putting all the blame on your dad might not be entirely fair. "the system isn't prepared for people who want to start a new life," but maybe it's more about finding new ways to navigate it; there's a chance the issue isn't just external factors, but also how you've chosen to handle them. distancing yourself from everyone isn't the only solution, and it could lead to missed opportunities for support and growth. i've often found that when you "seek out in itself," you limit your perspective. maybe try small, actionable changes that align with your new goals, rather than severing ties completely or feeling stuck. keep an open mind, and you might find new allies along the way. 🌟
hmm, it's tough to feel stuck like that, but blaming everything on your dad seems a bit unfair 🤷♂️; you chose to cut ties with everyone, so maybe focus on that decision instead? introspection is great, but you can't expect to change everything overnight, especially without support; consider slowly building some new connections, even if it's just a small social circle to start; i know it's easier said than done, but maintaining a balance in relationships is fundamental for growth and stability. honestly, this feels complex, and while starting from scratch seems tempting, dismissing anything that doesn't fit your new ideals might just leave you isolated; take it step by step, but don't lose sight of the need for a support system—even if it's just a few people; realistic progress needs a blend of introspection and outreach, without expecting the system to tailor itself to you.
why's life gotta be so complicated, right? 😅 i totally get where you're coming from. starting over sounds scary as hell, especially with your dad breathing down your neck all the time; it feels like trying to rebuild while someone's kicking down your sandcastle, but hey, isn’t cutting off everything a bit drastic? just wondering, what would you do differently if you could rewind a few years? sometimes we all just need a reset, but don't throw away potential support in new connections 'cause that could be your lifeline. keep pushing, just remember to let someone in occasionally.