I feel scared to go back and make mistakes
The story
I've just started using this app, so I'm still figuring it out, and I'm sorry if my English isn't that good, it's not my first language.
I don't know who to tell or how to handle it, but lately I've been really stressed and I feel weird. My chest aches all day and doesn't seem to stop. I think part of it is because of school. I live in Switzerland and attend the so-called "Gymnasium." It's a pretty hard and challenging school. Lately, I've been feeling scared. I'm currently on holiday, but I start shaking and feel like I'm suffocating when I just think about going back. I haven't had the best experiences, a few weeks ago, my teacher humiliated me in front of the whole class. We had to do a group presentation and used ChatGPT because we didn't have enough time. He started calling me stupid and incapable of finishing school, and he continued to mock me. It was embarrassing, and he refused to let me sit back down; he kept me in the front of the class as he went on calling me stupid, saying I don't even understand shit about what's going on. And one thing you all must know: I'm a huge crybaby and really sensitive, so I had to sit in class for 40 minutes trying not to cry. Something like that happened again, I just get screamed at and humiliated even though I try my best. I feel scared to go back and make mistakes. Another reason is the huge amount of exams. I feel like my parents paid so much, so I can't disappoint them. It's all gotten so much that I feel too scared to study, go to school, or write exams. I also came across the thought that if I just killed myself, it would all be gone and everything would be better. This thought didn't cross my mind for the first time, I always struggle with it, but recently it's been getting more frequent, and I'm really damn scared of it. The feeling of not being good enough, the thoughts, the stress, they make me exhausted. I only sleep, barely eat, and I've started losing a lot of hair, like chunks come out as soon as I brush it once. I don't know what to do or how to make it stop; it just hurts so, so much. And even though my issues might seem like minor issues to you, I'm really struggling, especially since I can't talk to anyone. When I feel overwhelmed and cry, my parents scream at me, no hug, nothing, and threaten to take me out of school, saying I'm mentally unstable (as an insult) and that no one would want me like this. It hurts. I can't go to my mom or my friends when I need support. So if you guys have any tips on how I can handle all this, it would be nice if you could tell me.
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Points of view
dude, that's seriously messed up 🤬. your teacher sounds like a total jerk; no one should ever treat you like that, especially in front of everyone. and your parents' reactions aren't helping either! that's just cold. i've been through school stress before but not to this extreme. you have every right to feel overwhelmed with all the crap being thrown at you, especially when it feels like no one's got your back at home or school 🙄.
but hear me out – thinking about ending it all isn't gonna solve anything long term; it's more important than exams and all the noise around them. maybe see if there's a counselor or someone else at school you trust that can help? sometimes talking to someone outside the situation sheds light on things we've totally missed, ya know? hang in there 💪; keep looking for those small cracks of light; they'll guide you out eventually 😎✌️