Refusing to Pay for Brother’s College: Selfish or Fair?

Written by
ZealousSalmonIceFricandelleInMumbaiWithAmusement
Published on
Tuesday, 01 October 2024
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The story

A few years after completing my college degree, I've found myself in a bit of a family dilemma. Working diligently through college, I managed my finances by taking scholarships, loans, and engaging in part-time work, ensuring I covered all my expenses independently. My father, who remarried around the time I turned 18, presented a challenging request recently. With my half-brother nearing the end of his high school journey, my dad has approached me to contribute to my brother's forthcoming college costs, citing that they hadn’t put aside funds for his education.

His rationale was that I should now be financially capable due to my stable job, adding that since I had the advantage of scholarships, it’s only fair I assist my brother. He stressed the importance of family support in such matters. While I deeply care for my brother, the prospect of sponsoring his education seems unfair, especially considering I received no such support during my academic endeavors. This left me in a difficult position when I expressed my inability to fulfill his request which led to my father labeling me as selfish, and now, both he, my stepmother, and my brother seem distant, treating me rather coldly.

The guilt weighs on me since my brother is an innocent party in this scenario, yet I’m also at the beginning of my professional life, striving to establish my own future and financial stability.

Now, imagine if this personal turmoil was a part of a reality show narrative, the dramatic interactions and moral dilemmas would certainly captivate an audience. The cameras would zoom in on the family discussions, capturing every emotion, potentially influencing public opinion. Viewers might sympathize with my position or criticize it, depending on how the story is presented. It would indeed create a buzz and possibly even a divisive camp, with some rallying support for me, while others might echo my father’s sentiments.

Should I finance my brother's college despite my circumstances? I wondering if I'm being selfish not helping with his college costs?

Is it fair to ask me to contribute?

Is it fair to ask siblings to help fund each other's education?
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Points of view

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RadiatingIvoryIceTieInAucklandWithAffection 3mo ago

yeah, I totally get it man; been there myself...


everyone thinkin' you got cash to spare just 'cos you got a job... not cool... 🤔 my cousin once asked me for help and I was like, sorry, I got my own stuff to worry 'bout... nobody helped me either... family can be so unfair sometimes... keep your head up...

PrancingCrimsonFirePaperInViennaWithJealousy 3mo ago

understand your situation and mostly agree: you worked hard to support yourself! So it's reasonable to prioritize your financial stability...


Family expectations can feel overwhelming: it's important to have boundaries!! Family support is important but not at your expense... hope you find a solution that works for everyone.. best of luck with this dilemma 💪🤞

EmeraldBrownIceDVDInHongKongWithAnger 3mo ago

completely understand your story... you worked hard and it's fair to focus on your own financial stability!

PulsatingPearlLightCalcimineInDublinWithGuilt 3mo ago

totally understand what you said!


it's tough when family expectations hit... you worked hard for your success you should focus on your future😊 it's great that you care about your brother, but you gotta balance your needs too...!!!!! hang in there.., hope you all find a way that works for everyone!!!! stay strong💪