Boy or Girl... I don't know anymore?
The story
(This story does mention dark things Just wanted to let everyone know before they read)
Boy or Girl... I don't know anymore?
Let's start from the beggining I have never felt like I have really fit in I moved from California(wont say where) in the 4th grade and in the 6th grade I was suicidal my Step Dad made me apologize to my mom for hurting her by saying I wanted to die. Then I went to the mental hospital twice in the 9th grade but also in the 9th grade. I found something out that changed me forever.
I have always been facinated with boy clothing and hair cuts I have always liked the way they looked and cologne I have always loved cologne. Then I had this feeling in my chest like deep down in my soul that something wasn't right. Then I figurd out I wanted to be a boy not like a tomboy or stuff I wanted to be a man I did so badly. It was really hard coming out to other people I told my sister first she was so understanding which I will be forever greatful for. When I told my mom it was a little diffrent though she was like understanding yeah but it didnt feel right. My step dad tried to understand but in the end when I said I wanted a boy hair cut he yelled at me and stuff and I ran away. But when I said I was nonbinary my mother was so happy she was like I knew you would come around and find out who you really were. Which really hurt because I thought she had expeted me. But then the feeling I thought went away but no it was really always there just waiting for the right time I guess.
There was one person I really admired his name was skylar and he was trans and he was a boy and he was the coolest. He had the coolest hair and the most awesome personality and I wished so badly I could be like him he was so out and happy with himself. I wish I could be that way. I don't want to have the man parts no offense but I want to be a boy if that makes sense.
Sorry this is so long. Also the guy I like if I told him I don't think he would like me if I told him that. Also is it werid that when I get married I stil want to wear a beautiful wedding dress. Also when I was talking to this lady on this christian site she told me I shouldn't be a boy just cause I said I was unsure and she said it could be because of my time of the month I'm feeling this. I litterally have felt this way for a long time she litterally said these exact words "You to help her understand her identity as she is having these questions and thoughts, I ask that You show her why you created her female." Yes I understand that for people in god's eyes I am perfect but I don't now anymore like I said "Boy or Girl... I don't know anymore?"
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Hey, I totally get where you're coming from and it sounds like you're going through a lot trying to figure things out. It's really brave of you to be so honest about your feelings, especially when not everyone gets it or is supportive. Your sister sounds awesome for being understanding—that kind of support can make such a difference. Remember, it's okay not to have everything figured out yet; just keep doing what feels right for you. Hang in there! 💪
it's really interesting how you've been navigating these feelings and experiences, especially considering there's so much societal pressure; you know, it's quite common for folks to grapple with their identity and feel a push-pull from family dynamics. i mean, your connection with skylar seems like it holds some keys to what you're looking for in terms of self-expression. 🧐 the struggle with acceptance from those close is something many share, and sometimes their reactions are less about us and more about their own lack of understanding or fears. that mix of wanting a traditional dress but identifying differently is totally valid too; gender expression and presentation can be such a personal spectrum! maybe connecting with others who've been through similar journeys could offer new insights or comfort. 🌈