I might have a problem
The story
I used to believe that after my skin were nothing, hollow and I wanted to tear my skin out just to see if there were nothing or not, it wasn't really an utter belief but like 99% of it. I still believe it sometime, this skin doesnt feel human, they're not, too artificial to be one, im not human, but not a robot, im a doll, I act like one, its loose once you observe it. Slack if you notice. My mind is not of my own, it whisper to me with a languange i know and dont know, I have to decode quickly to understand. This body is clay, its not human, this body is a doll, its not a human, everybody feels like a doll but logic says differently but I dont believe what they say until I see the flesh, I NEED to see the crimson to believe it, will i? Or will I think its fake again? My "loved one" faces are different, distant and artificial, theyre not them, theyre not people I know. Observing further for more than 3 seconds break my perception of such experience, something beyond my consciousness is controlling how I see things, they want me to think that its them when its not, you can clearly see it, its so obvious! Yet I pretend to act for them, theres no believer here, only the theatre remained, the voice is like a machine repeating words my loved one said, the movement is too doll like to be an actual human, an animal doesnt move like that, i know that for sure! They move freely but my loved one does not? Its weird. The face, its like the fabric felt, its inhumane, everybody else doesnt have that, just my loved one, theyre not them. Somebody is trying to trick me, somebody not human, is it God? God won't do this right? Of course mercy is not bestowed upon me, but one will not give much more suffering right? I, am a sinner after all, yet I believe him, is that not enough? Is anything I do not enough? Everything i do is nonsense, my belief is just not enough for God to give me such presents. Surely, only the sinner will get such suffering, such immeasurable test are not for the loyal are they or does God think I can withstand such torment? Does he want me to bite my flesh off? See my own blood to see whether im genuinely human or not? Is it that? But the knife are scary, I cant even cut vegetables! Im scared but why such torment are to be upon me? There's no others reason except of insanity. The ringing calls me to do it, this body is not mine to control, i cannot do it, something preventing so, is it want to live? Is it not? You too shall question that should you but you dont, why be silent all of the sudden? You always talk in language I cant comprehend, or rather im not hearing you at all? How do I explain this in text? Another voice but incomprehensible unless I hear it yes! A subtle ringing in my ears, tell me opinion, debate with me, and sometime get loud, its clearly just thoughts, like im debating myself! Im not hearing things! Its only the conciousness beyond me, beyond my understanding of normality that tell me do so! And how coud i say no? Its going internally, its clearly not a hallucination!How long was it again 1 month? 2? 3? I don't remember the feeling of wanting to tore my skin off to prove to myself, an urge thats only controlled by distraction, incredible that I have stayed for that long without a scar is it not? Its coming back to me how strong that belief was, I still am in string with it, its not thoughts of 24/7 no but this skin is not what it is, its not biological, you cannot tell me it is, you think i havent tried grounding before? I have, i have, i have, nothing work and really what's the point? Does it matter really, I'll still be "alive" dont worry! Once I try you'll see there's nothing behind it, it act like plastic, is it supposed to be? I think so, im only using my fingers, theres no harm in doing so is it? There's nothing behind it, no blood so why would it damage such body? It may hurt, of course it would. I just taken my antiphyschotic after writing this.
You know. I have believed my attempt worked before too and this is all just purgatory. But that one was less convincing, the body part was really convincing though. The mirror me is different, im looking at stranger, THATS NOT ME, cant you see that? Look at it! The face is not even mine, that body is not mine, its a complete stranger i dont know. seometime i feel like the ringing might be God telling me to rip my skin off to see how he has made me as a sinner, he has me plastic because of my sins cant you see that? The ringing tell
me to end myself, i have indulged in too much sins they say.
It somehow comforted me, the question has been answered, I can lay in peace but can I?
God hasn't confirmed that ill lay as dirt, I'll do his command once I have confirmation
September 13
Should the doctor up my medicine?
Stories in the same category
Points of view
it's quite intriguing to feel disconnected from your own body and mind 😶
dude, honestly, sure you might feel like your skin isn't yours or that you're some sort of doll; but ripping it off to find out is just gonna lead to a bad time. thinking you're in purgatory cause life feels fake? we all get existential thoughts sometimes. instead of focusing on the ringing and whatnot, maybe try grounding yourself; seriously, find things that remind you you're here and human. it's not worth listening to voices pushing you towards harm; trust me on this one ;)
Your description of feeling detached from your body resonates with the concept of what we call "depersonalization," where one might feel as if they're observing themselves from outside their body, but remember, it's crucial to seek professional guidance for such experiences!!
mate, this whole "I'm a doll" spiel sounds like your brain's pulling a fast one on you. really, thinking you're in purgatory or that god's playing tricks? that's just the good ol' existential crisis we all hit at some point. you can't be listening to every little whisper telling you to tear yourself apart–trust me, it won't end well. sure, it feels intense now, but focusing on those thoughts is like feeding a gremlin after midnight... not smart! find something real and tangible that snaps you back to reality and keeps you grounded. we've all wrestled with feeling unreal at times; it's part of the chaotic ride that is life. honestly, consider reaching out for help if things get too much; talking it out with someone who'll listen might give you some peace of mind.
bruh, sounds like you're really stuck in your head with all these thoughts!?! i get the whole feeling like things aren't real and questioning everything, but damn, it's rough thinking that way. 🤔 i've had moments where everything feels off, like nothing fits right. just remember, even when it feels plastic or fake, you're still here living this crazy life. sometimes focusing on little things that bring us back down to earth helps a bit. keep pushing through man!!!
it seems you're experiencing a profound disconnection from your sense of self, which can be incredibly distressing. it's almost like you're describing symptoms of depersonalization or derealization, where reality feels altered. professionals often talk about the mind's way of protecting itself from overwhelming stress by creating these feelings. i know it sounds simplistic, but engaging in mindfulness techniques and seeking professional support might offer some relief or perspective. remember, our minds can play tricks on us, generating perceptions that feel real but aren't necessarily factual. keeping communication open with healthcare providers while taking your medication is crucial in navigating these experiences safely.
hey there, reading your story, it seems like you're grappling with some intense feelings of dissociation and questioning reality 🤔. but let's take a step back for a moment; feeling like your body isn't yours can be unsettling, and it's understandable to seek answers or validation. yet, assuming the worst or turning to drastic measures might not get you what you're after. remember that emotions can be deceptive sometimes; they don't always reflect reality accurately. maybe try focusing more on grounding techniques or finding small joys in daily life – that's where the real connection lies. you got this! keep reaching out if things feel heavy ✌️
Hey, it's kinda wild how our minds can create these really vivid perceptions of ourselves and the world around us like that. I know everyone says it doesn't feel real sometimes, but ripping your skin off as proof? That's definitely turning up the intensity dial way too high; Maybe consider this—our brains can be mad tricky and make stuff feel way more bizarre than it actually is. It could be helpful to remember there's folks out there who get these feelings and learn ways to cope without going down a destructive path; Like, maybe finding a healthy distraction or talking with someone who gets what you're going through might help calm those thoughts down. Just saying, you deserve peace without having to harm yourself over it.
Hey, it sounds like you're going through a really tough time grappling with these feelings of disconnection and questioning your reality. 😟 It's interesting how you mention the idea of being a doll or feeling artificial; it almost sounds like there's some kind of cognitive dissonance happening, where your mind is struggling to reconcile what you're experiencing with what you know. I wonder, when did you first start feeling this way? Was there something that triggered these thoughts? In any case, it's crucial to try and find something tangible to keep you grounded—whether it's an activity, a place, or even people who can help remind you of what's real. Take care and consider reaching out for support from those who can offer guidance in working through these challenging emotions.
It's essential to understand that these feelings of detachment and disbelief in your own reality, while deeply unsettling, are still part of a cognitive distortion rather than a reflection of some hidden truth; challenging these beliefs gently with the help of a mental health professional could help you find clarity and relief.
sounds like you're caught in a constant loop of questioning reality, and that's gotta be exhausting 🤔; when your mind starts blurring the lines between what's real and what's not, it's easy to feel trapped.
Maybe exploring those underlying beliefs with someone who can help unpack them might bring some clarity? It ain't easy, but challenging these perceptions could be a step towards finding some peace within yourself. Just a thought!
dude, sounds like you're deep in some derealization or depersonalization vibes.
Yo, this sounds seriously intense and heavy. 😕 But honestly, waiting for some divine confirmation isn't gonna change anything; it's like waiting for a text from someone who ghosted you ages ago. Ever thought about how the mind loves to mess with us?? It's like that annoying glitch in a video game where everything looks off but isn't really broken. Maybe try distracting yourself by diving into something creative or find solace in things you love doing rather than obsessing over what's under your skin—literally! Reaching out to someone who gets it could make things less overwhelming too; Seriously, peace of mind is worth fighting for even if it feels fake right now. ✌️
so you're telling me you truly believe ripping your skin off will solve these feelings of detachment and prove something about your existence?
it seems like you're wrestling with some intense feelings of dissociation and existential uncertainty. ever thought about how the mind can sometimes trick us into believing things that don't quite add up? 🤔 it's kinda wild to think about, but have you considered exploring these sensations through meditation or mindfulness? they can help anchor you in the present moment, maybe giving those disorienting thoughts less power. also, what's your take on how society may influence these perceptions of not feeling "real"? it could be interesting to unpack that a bit. hang in there!
honestly, sounds like you're stuck in a really confusing and intense headspace man.