My Battle With Lust

I know this is a very common problem to have so I hope I can help get some people to voice their experience on this. Like a lot of people I’ve been on the internet since a very young age and that has included my formative years, I have no idea the exact origin but I feel like for a long time I’ve had lustful urges, and expressing them in fantasies when I was younger, and websites and videos recently. I’ve tried to trace this back to conditions such as hyper-sexuality but I’m too guilt ridden and embarrassed to ever say anything to my parents to get a real test. My biggest struggles have been fighting these urges, there have been really good stretches where I was able to not care about it for many months, and bad stretches where I can’t get it out of my head and give in to them. These past two years have been the hardest I’ve ever worked to fight it yet the most I’ve ever given in, at points I can’t enjoy things like hanging out with my friends because of the urges of lust or the guilt of giving into lust previously. Yet my idea of love has always been the exact opposite of what I experience with lust, yet I still worry that with relationships the impact that lust has had on me will destroy them. Ever since my last experience giving into lust I’ve made a plan where if I do give into lust I have a schedule set out for 30 days that consists of removing things in my life I enjoy as a punishment for some days such as simple things like going on TikTok or playing on my PS5, the schedule also consists of physical exercise so I hope that it will give me something else to focus on, the goal is that if I feel the urge to give into lust I will have an actual set thing to make me think otherwise. Lust has destroyed my life, despite my struggles to work against it, it feels inevitable, so this feels like my last hope.

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