I feel like i’m missing out on the college experience and idk what to do.

for context: I (18F) am a relatively high-achieving student that was sent to a smaller, lower-ranking university in a more conservative part of the state. I got an extremely good scholarship offer (B/MD program if u were wondering). immediately, I was torn about coming here. My hometown is right next to a larger, better school and all my friends were in this area + I loved my home city and the community. I was heavily pressured by my parents (yelled at multiple times and threatened to not help pay for my college) to attend this smaller school. it was still ultimately “my decision” for the reasons that 1) I would get the experience of living on my own 2) again scholarship is not offered anywhere else.

I can’t help but feel like it was a mistake. Ik i’m here mostly to focus on school and my career but it’s so lonely. I was also goaded into getting a single room so I have no roommate. I did make friends (more like acquaintances) but none of them ever have time outside of class to talk or hang out because they’re either working or doing something else. it’s even worse because it seems like everyone is able to find medical jobs but I can’t? I’m literally the only one in my scholarship cohort that does not work a clinical job but i’ve tried numerous times and every time I was turned down by some bullshit specification post-interview that the application didn’t list in the requirements (eg “they only accept night shifts right now” when nowhere in the application did they say night shift only).

I feel like a failure. It’s basically been 25% of my college years and i’ve done nothing. I have a 4.0 but all I do is stay in my dorm and watch youtube or instagram reels. I can’t even find energy for my hobbies or what I enjoyed doing before.

I see stories or posts of my friends at other, more traditional “college experience” schools and I just feel more miserable. They have fun, hang out with people, actually have a community and stimulating classes. i’m just sad and friend-starved and understimulated. When expressing this to my parents all I get is “it’s just 4 years, it’ll be over fast.”

It makes me want to scream and rip my hair out. these are the most free, formative years of young adulthood and they treat my situation as if my depression is a worthy sacrifice for the future they want/expect of me. oh it’s just four years it’s no big deal. who cares if you’re miserable, this is so you can get into med school. like thanks dude, that really helps.

wtf do I do. I acknowledge that some of this is definitely my fault. I have a tendency to be distant to people and struggle to maintain consistent friendships. I’m trying to actively rectify this but it’s hard, it doesn’t help that i’m ADHD + anxiety. When I do work up the courage to ask people to hang outside of class they never have the time. Plus, I haven’t found people i’ve truly “clicked” with yet. A lot of my friends share the premed track but in terms of intellectual and cultural interests, we don’t share a lot in common. I like having friends who are politically active with opinions about media and culture that I can bounce ideas around with, but none of them seem keen on that and I don’t want to talk to a wall, yknow?

Any advice would help. I have scheduled an appointment with the school counselor but I am still waiting on that.

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