I like my friends ex-crush n feel qrong about it

I'm currently in high-school n I've been friends with the trans girl named Mars since the 6th grade and he used to like a boy who I'll call Alex . We are all in band, but both of them are in the same section and about a year ago Mars friend told Alex that he liked him n Alex rejected him, so he got really sad n he said and I quote "I'm going to end it all if I don't get fitter or get my new crush to date me" (his current boyfriend). After he said this I felt worse since I had also had a crush on Alex since the 6th grade but had known him since the 4th. So out of guilt I helped him get his current boyfriend and after a few week of them dating i decided to tell him that I had a crush on Alex. After I told him this he was like I thought u had a crush on him but at the time he said he was totally ok with me liking alex but due to exterior circumstances I ended up sitting n being paired for a final project with his boyfriend. So I believe he thought I would start liking his boyfriend so as the year ended our friendship became strained and he pulled away. The summer passed by n we didn't talk at all but about a week ago I texted him n told him that I was sorry n that it was ok if he didn't trust me anymore but that I wanted to apologize before school started n ge said that I had been forgiven but that he still didn't trust me fully which I understand but a few days ago during band camp i tried approaching him but he was a bit distant so I decided to back off. Alex was also there and he started teasing me and I started to tease him back since teasing is my form of showing care to others but as me and Alex were joking around Mars started to look annoyed and start intervening in our conversations. I got slightly annoyed but I didn't say anything since I was trying to patch things up. The next day I kept talking to Alex but I felt so wrong for enjoying talking to him especially infront of Mars. But today when Mars didn't show up I started feeling worse so I tried to avoid Alex but we kept making eye contact and he kept on trying to talk to me and by the end of the day I finally caved n I started talking to him and while talking I felt so happy but when the day ended I felt like a peice of crap but I have tried so hard to stop liking Alex but I always go back to him and he feels like a drug that has me hooked but after leaving his presence I feel like shit because i remember hey he is the reason one of your closest friends doesn't trust u anymore and it's a never ending loop.

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