i'm feeling a bit meh and my head kinda of a mess
The story
So it's 6 am and the 28 of August. And i'm feeling a bit meh and my head kinda of a mess. Soon It's gonna be my (online) Friend's birthday and i'd like to give a drawing/card but i haven't started yet. At the same i'm kinda thinking about what I can do to make this next year as decent as possible. Today i didn't actually get to study cause we went out and after i was exhausted. Thankfully i had cooked again before for dinner and had leftovers. :) (Still have some!) This summer i've been trying to kinda get better ig. The past year was probably one of the worst. And even the ones before were also pretty bad. I've been trying build good habits. Still am, but i'm not sure how progress i actually made. Mostly i've been trying to build easy cozy mornings since that was one of the parts of my day i struggled a lot with and i had a lot of anxiety. Also I think that if i can start the day ok the rest of the day might also be ok-ish. The rest of the day Is Still kind of a blur tbh. But i've been trying to study some material i struggled with last year and i'm halfway. Also there's some work for next year that I might be able to predict more or less and i'd like to start It to be ahead. Still i am kinda questioning if my efforts are really working. like what if i'm not getting better? What If It's not working? Or worse, what if It doesn't change anything? What if nothing of what I do in general ammounts to anything? Especially since i already ruined two years (school years specifically but almost 6 in general) because of mental health issues getting worse. what if It's already too late to fix anything? What if i permanently ruined everything? What If It gets bad again? Yeah during those years my grades weren't horrible, but i could've done so much better. (In general also, not just accademically) And honestly that did affect me a lot and made things even worse.
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Points of view
it appears that you are attributing too much significance to past setbacks, which, while understandable, is not necessarily productive. the concept of "opportunity cost" suggests that focusing on what lies ahead, rather than dwelling on prior inefficiencies, may yield better results. as winston churchill purportedly advised, "success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." you seem to be actively engaging in cognitive restructuring by building new habits, which can be a highly effective strategy in behavioural modification. perhaps consider recalibrating your expectations, as gradual progress is more typical and can still lead to substantial transformation. remember, resilience often emerges from adversity.
i completely agree with you; it's tough figuring things out when your mind's a mess. everyone has their ups and downs, and it's normal to question your progress. "Rome wasn't built in a day," as the saying goes, and the same applies to personal growth. seems like you're making some positive changes, like creating better habits and cozy mornings; that's a solid start! it's hard, but don't be too harsh on yourself. keep doing what you're doing and focus on small victories. you've got this! 😊