just need to vent
The story
I have a lot of emotions right now, and I just really need to share with someone. I don't want to burden any of my friends with this because I don't want it to seem like I am making a big deal over nothing. I just have a lot hitting me at once right now and I need to get it off my chest. first off is the thing that is bugging me the most right now. my family has been doing foster care for a while now. one thing I have noticed since we started is that I generally try not to get attached to the kids staying with us. foster care almost always ends in the kids being away from us. which is not a bad thing, it just means that the kid's parents are doing better so they can be reunited. which is usually much better for the kids. however, as a foster sibling, it makes it much harder to say goodbye after living together for so long. this has caused me to put walls up and not get too attached so that it doesn't hurt as much when it is time to say goodbye. well, we currently have a little kid staying with us who has a lot of medical needs. this kid has been staying with us for quite some time. he had to be brought in to the hospital today and then flown to another hospital that is fairly far away from us. we had no clue that this would end up being the case. anyway, it is killing me because of how much I miss him right now. the kid has turned into a real brother for me. I miss him and I am worried that he will be stuck in that hospital for several weeks again. the first time that he had to stay up there for a few weeks didn't affect me too much. for some reason it is making me really sad this time. it is making me genuinely scared of having to say goodbye. if I can hardly handle this, I don't know what I am going to do if he goes back to his family. I am worried about the kid and I am genuinely starting to love him like a little brother, and it scares me.
the second thing I needed to vent about isn't as big of a deal, but it is still getting under my skin. I have to start my junior year in high-school in two days and I am dreading it. I have been in denial and trying not to think about it, so I am not mentally prepared whatsoever. I don't want to go back because school and the dual credit classes I have been taking are mentally, physically and time draining. I have had a little break over the summer, and I finally feel relaxed and like myself again. I have been able to enjoy myself without being in a state of complete exhaustion all the time. I am not ready to let that go. I am also terrified for all the big tests I will have to take at the end of the year. this has all been stressing me out, but the thing that gets me the worst is how scared I am to grow up. I am trying to enjoy my childhood as much as possible, which is extremely difficult to do when all my time is filled with school work and chores. last year I felt lucky if I got to watch an entire movie in one go without loosing a bunch more sleep than I already was. I am terrified to have to be an adult because everyone talks about how horrible it is. I have tried to bring that up to my parents but my dad always just says that it only gets worse as you get older. I don't want to have to be an adult and be constantly miserable. I am trying to enjoy the last few years I have left to be a kid, which is very difficult with how little free time I have. I just want to stay in my room and never go back to school
Stories in the same category
Points of view
foster care is tough, especially when you start seeing those kids as real family members. i once had a friend who did foster care and every time a kid left, it was like ripping a band-aid off but leaving a scar behind. it’s perfectly normal to feel scared about getting attached and then having to say goodbye. i mean, emotional attachment theory isn’t just something from a psychology textbook, it plays out in real life. just make sure you allow yourself to feel those emotions even if the process seems never-ending.
as for school, ugh, i can't believe how draining it can be. dual credit classes are no joke and can make your workload look like mount everest while you're still learning how to climb. i remember being in high school and the dread of starting each new year was as constant as death and taxes. but let’s be real—growing up is a trap society sells us. yes, responsibilities will seem endless, and adult life isn't exactly a carnival. your dad saying "it only gets worse" is not helpful, but sadly it’s a sentiment echoed by too many. it’s like life comes with a monotonous routine and all the freedom we once had is nothing more than an illusion. enjoy whatever sliver of childhood you’ve got left—lock yourself in your room if that’s what works. screw what anyone else says, find your sanctuary amidst the chaos.
man, i totally feel you on the foster care stuff!!! it sucks to get attached and then have to say goodbye. i had a cousin who fostered, and it was the same emotional rollercoaster every time. it’s like, why get close when they'll just leave???
and school... don’t even get me started. junior year’s a beast, isn’t it?? dual credits just pile on the stress and for what?! everyone always hypes up the "best years of your life," but it feels like a constant grind. growing up might feel like a trap?? who even wants all those adult pressures? seriously, screw all that. stay in your room if that’s what brings peace. sometimes you got to do what feels right for your own sanity!!! 😒
i get it, the foster care stuff is seriously tough!!! it’s like you give a part of yourself to these kids, and then have to deal with them leaving, which doesn't seem fair. the emotional toll is real, and it’s no joke trying to keep those walls up. but man, it’s gotta be even harder when they feel like true siblings. 😢
as for school, what a drag, right??? having to face another year packed with dual credit classes sounds like a total grind. i completely understand the dread of growing up and losing those precious bits of freedom. you should totally try to capture those small moments that keep you grounded. adult life looming overhead doesn’t seem like the dream everyone makes it out to be either. seriously, who decided growing up is a good thing??? just take it one day at a time, do what you need to get through!!! 😅