I'm someone who cares a lot about others and I'm kind and caring and love to have fun with others but I don't get why my best friend who is more quiet than me is more popular and has more friends. When we first met she was very shy and I was one of her first friends and we were in the same friend group. Then our friend group fell apart but I was still friends with her. In high school for some reason everyone wanted to be friends with her and every time I stood next to her and other girls came over they would be so excited to see her and give her hugs. I always felt kind of excluded as I watched them like hang out and talk and I would just be there and try to join the convo but I couldn't and people always went out during lunch and would leave me there and stuff. But I never did anything wrong? And she also tells me about how she doesn't like all these people but then I see her being friendly with them and laughing and talking, going to classes together so it's hard to believe what she says. I don't get how she has so many more friends. I don't think she's necessarily better than me in anyway like we're pretty equal in terms of grade, athletics, looks, height, etc. A lot of guys like her but she's isn't even grateful like if someone confessed to me I would be over the moon. She has no empathy for me when I like a guy who doesn't like me back. But she's like my only close friend who knows about personal stuff.

Something else is that since I don't have that many girl friends, I sometimes talk to guys online. But I guess that builds a bad reputation for me. But it's not even like we're actually friends it's more like I'm not afraid to ask guys what we did in class if I missed it and I know I can count on them to reply on time. I'm not one of those attention seeking people but also I don't get why guys don't even want to talk to me sometimes. Like I really can't figure it out because I always spend a lot of time on people and I try to show kindness and help them out but I guess they just don't like me.

When my friends like a guy, I step away from them even if I also secretly kind of liked them, but then when I like a guy and they get jealous because they like same guy they literally get mad at me and give me the silent treatment, but I can't help it?

Also when I get hated on for looking too mean (rbf) no one defends me not even my best friend.

When she was asked about a guy I used to like she doesn't even help me hide it she just says yeah even though she knew I didn't want anyone to know.

The one time I didn't tell her something about a competition I was going to, she got really mad at me and then later on even carelessly told other people about it.

I wanted to change schools for a new beginning but my parents didn't let me. I actually have no real friends I can rely on at this point.

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