I hate me
The story
hey guys. today was a hell of a day at work, you know? like, on january 15th which should just be another monday but lemme tell ya, it definitely wasn’t. so there's this spreadsheet we were working on...important numbers and all. in fact, it cost the company around 12000 bucks because of some miscalculation... yeah, that happened. mary said, 'how many times are you gonna mess up our work?' i hate me right now for letting everyone down again.
i keep going over these things: like the way jake gave me that look or how linda mumbled something under her breath when i tried to fix it yesterday; made me feel two inches tall! and it's not like this only happens one time or twice; i'm serious! every time i think i've got a handle on things, bam! something else hits!
managing stress shouldn't be rocket science... should it? thinking back on how high school felt almost similar with that pressure cooker vibe but isn't everything supposed to get easier after graduation? instead it's all replays from before where screwing up feels like second nature.
had five missed calls by noon because someone's gotta remind me constantly what needs doing correctly since apparently double-checking isn't enough! sebastian pointed out mistakes during lunch (couldn't even enjoy chili cheese fries dammit) trying my darn hardest regardless there’s always more expected than delivered;
thinking shared guilt's one big deal only in my head but each mention of going wrong keeps popping uninvited asking life-needs-adjustment based entirely off failure frequency? maybe seeking another job sounds ideal better leave pretty soon right?
onward questioning rational fears and doubts sounding repetitive perpetually embarrassing restarts without definitive breakthroughs - can't erase lapses standing laughingstock repeatedly highlighted involuntarily amongst peers?
i wonder should i brush setbacks aside relax seriously indefinitely if placed similarly here? thinking y'all feeling might have insight share experiences tweak mentality?
