I feel overwhelmed by the office. I have to put up with too much; I feel dragged down by it because it makes me experience unimaginable things. I don't want to get involved with them anymore, under any circumstances. I'm tired of thinking, of reflecting and reflecting. I don't know when this will end. It can't be that the office isn't a place of rest for me. I have to be strategic with my boss, with a girl, and with the audience in between. I don't feel the office is a place of rest, and for me, parties are hell because there are always things I have to navigate strategically, and the unfortunate thing is that they're simple moves, but precisely for that reason, they're despised. The girl does support me, and my boss to some extent, but I always have to do everything completely calculated. I go to the office to be in a field of uncertainty, only to then go and see what happened, because everything is done by instinct. I can't talk to any of them about what I'm going through because they won't understand, and the worst part is when they pretend to understand, making demands, which already happened to me once. Nothing makes me feel worse than not having any real respite with the girl or my boss; it all crushes me, but they won't understand at the office. And that leads me to the question: What am I supposed to do in a place where they don't support me in standing firm? They don't support me, they don't see me, I don't feel included. I feel like everything has to come at the cost of endless studies of the place. I'm fed up.

Being a citizen there is overwhelming because there's absolutely no support. I'm at the mercy of luck, always focused on my innermost feelings. Nobody experiences what I experience; nobody is prepared for me except to tear me to shreds. The support I receive is vague; I don't know what I'm going to do to support myself in the future. Everyone is watching to make sure I shut up, or they threaten me with conflict, with doing something that snowballs because it's a particular issue that goes against their norms. I'm tired of working with my boss and I want to get rid of him. I feel like he doesn't understand me at all, and neither does the girl. I don't feel supported in any way. I can't live my life constantly playing strategist. It can't be that I'm going through all this because I'm trying to be a good citizen, choosing coexistence, taking action, and that it's not rewarded, but rather met with silence. Nothing is made easy for me, just like it is for everyone else, nothing at all, and that makes the job itself all-consuming. I haven't been able to take my mind off it for a long time, and the psychologists and psychiatrists in my town only seem to work to stop me from saying anything, and that accumulation, the result of my timidly expressing myself, also becomes a conflict.

I don't feel like I'm in an office where I'm treated like a person. I'm tired of embellishing things through interpretations. I'm always looking for that girl everywhere I go; I don't get a moment's rest. I'm always thinking about her, and I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to quit that office. It's incredible that no one seems to realize the toll it's taking on me. I go out and think and think, and then I try to put it all into writing because, honestly, I feel like I can't stand on my own two feet at all, and I need others, an audience, like any other human being on this earth. I'm tired of justifying this situation. I just want to leave that office, but I don't want to because, for everyone else, there's no excuse for me being closed off, no excuse to avoid conflict. I always have to be thinking about something or spend some time on something to prevent conflicts, to prevent things from happening in the future, to avoid those silent things that are done and then denied.

It's no wonder I'm starting to hate humanity in general. I'm really tired and my life feels heavy. I feel like there are things that aren't worth getting into right now, because I feel like I want to explain everything about the girl, but that level of detail isn't helpful at the moment. First of all, because I'm not isolated; I'm actually in close contact with everyone around me. It's not worth it. Besides, things are still happening, and I can't really provide a concrete account. I also don't know if they're going to have a party at the office. I thought they wouldn't last time, that everything would just drag on after the tragedies in my country, but it didn't. I feel like the office doesn't respect my downtime. There's this overwhelming need to be there, thanks to the guilt of not attending willingly, on your own initiative, because everyone wants to be away and only comes out of obligation.

That office meeting was a complete nightmare, for God's sake.

Everyone was in their own world, the bosses complaining about having to do things alone and about the responsibility, and they didn't understand why no one had offered them any support or encouragement after everything they'd done for us, since they try to do things well. Then, one of them took advantage of the situation of a young woman's missing relative to promote himself, omitting the fact that they had called her after speaking ill of her. Of course, the young woman was present, and revealing this would have exposed the situation, so they had no choice but to beg that she wouldn't turn up, which is exactly what happened. One of the bosses was begging for recognition, for affection; two assumed the world had fallen apart and begged for help or something, since no one had taken the initiative with them; and another arrived late to the party, making it known that he'd even shown initiative in the early hours of the morning at the office.

What a disastrous party, for God's sake! It's incredible that at this point in time, people even thought about doing another one of those rehearsals. These people really love conflict, for God's sake! I mean, they like being in a constant battle, and that's what they call conflict. For them, from what I'm seeing, a party is everyone coming to settle scores with the other person, waiting for the other to say something. No wonder they're so exciting for them, for God's sake! No wonder the girl came, since she sensed they would use her for publicity. In fact, I can say she came for me, because she knows I like seeing her and being with her, and that's perfectly fine. However, what a disaster. It took a week to piece together what had happened through a lot of writing. Those dynamics completely absorbed me, drastically, of course. There's no peaceful atmosphere; everything is hidden beneath the surface, and it necessarily requires distancing myself, because otherwise, I find myself facing unresolved issues and reacting hastily to the defense. In the office, I can't show any emotion, not in any way, because they think I'm out of control. In the office, not following orders for the sake of the group and according to what the group believes is considered misconduct, because, good heavens, no intentionality is attributed to it. In the office, it's a battlefield where assumptions are always present; there's absolutely no transparency about what you feel because nothing is valid to feel if it doesn't affect the company's image. Internally, you can't feel anything at all about others.

I'm fed up with working in an office like that. I can't believe it took me a week to detach myself from those events. I had to do so many things to keep the environment from consuming me. In fact, since the tragedies happened, I've been working relentlessly to protect myself from being consumed by the prolonged period of time. I haven't had time to do anything else. Their way of being, which is in accordance with a certain way of acting, is considered a deviation or something like that, and if it isn't, then the person is deemed to be insane. They treat the terms as if they were different.

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