The people in the office have rather strange notions of life. They don't know what forces they're dealing with; they live more at their mercy. I'm tired of writing so much about this, but I suspect it's because I haven't been to the office, not because I've been in my own world as much as I wanted, but because I'm trying to shape it somehow by not being there. I'm not there because of recent tragedies in my homeland. I feel that the world there is completely alien to how I understand it. They operate through group dynamics, not according to bureaucracy, but rather using it as a shield for their own forces to carry them out. Bureaucracy establishes the rules of conduct and what is permitted, thus creating a kind of arena where one survives by advancing oneself, by any means necessary. In this sense, one definitely doesn't understand what a company is, because bureaucracy serves as a guide for carrying out actions; it's the foundation for action, the basis from which groups are mobilized. In other words, what is inherent to these groups results in a way of mobilizing based on bureaucracy, within a particular form of praxis that, when compared to other groups, serves as an example of bureaucratic praxis. Otherwise, the idea that groups operate under a self-defined framework is embraced; that is, they don't become flexible but rather islands within the same organization. However, I can't explain this in a million years, precisely because such islands will fiercely resist change, since they are already defined. The consequence of these islands is precisely the need for gossip, in order to see where each group will strike, so as to carry out a practice. That is, such islands lead to gossip and a behavior that actually maintains them. It's incredible how this is seen as funny and no one does anything about it. In fact, the use of blindness to the misuse of bureaucracy is applauded as a defense, even though the matter is completely illegal and, by God's grace, complicity is complicity.

Personally, I don't know what I'm doing in a company like this. I think it's precisely because of this, because of these islands, that I'm with a girl where we're transparent, each on our own, but always together, precisely because we make our relationship unique, we make it so that we're truly there. We set aside formalities because it results in being just like this environment, and we absolutely don't want to be like that, not in any way. We're not interested in dealing with people like this, and we're fed up because it's all about appearances, and we're overwhelmed by clinging to them, by being scolded because of those prejudices, by suffering through events that are unrelated to what we committed to. We're tired of being absorbed and we don't want them. If the authorities lack the necessary competence to effectively unite us, that's not our problem, but we can't continue paying for their negligence. My friend does her best to avoid the people who want to take us in when I'm with her, and when it's my turn, I simply keep my distance. I like to be alone, and people take advantage of that, playing on the "shortcomings" of her not being with me, but I refuse because I'm with her. It hurts not to be involved in her affairs, but I recognize that she's somewhat intrusive. Besides, to do something that probably won't be significant, I won't contribute anything, and that's partly why people avoid her because she's always talking about them to others, in a way she thinks is funny, but others, precisely because of her inability to do anything and her exaggerating it, consider her narcissistic.

It's curious, but the bosses never want to be around her, perhaps to avoid revealing that they're seeking her out for some ulterior motive, given that she does indeed hold a privileged social position thanks to her skillful acquisition of material wealth and the frequency of certain things. The bosses don't want to lose her because of this ability, which could easily cause complications at the top. However, since her contributions are somewhat burdensome, this is undermined, leading to her marginalization by everyone else, who don't enjoy listening to her stories. Both the others and the bosses feel drawn in: the former to avoid losing her, and the latter for the benefits she might offer. In short, she's caught between a rock and a hard place. My boss wanted to distance me from her after she spread some gossip, but for me it was nothing more than a social grievance. Things got out of hand during an argument, and I stood firm in my position. Besides, it all turned out to be in my best interest to defend my work, while she vehemently believed it was something else entirely. Indeed, she was disoriented and didn't know what to do; she needed everyone's support.

That's when her need for support arose, and that's why she told everyone, surprisingly, in a frightened way—it's what they would have called "a complete mess." She simply acted according to her own social norms, completely disregarding her bureaucracy. My boss was totally in his own world, initially thinking I shared his principles. At least now he's understanding that I'm not on his wavelength and that I never liked her. The reason I went to him was to make him keep his word regarding a promise he had made to me, nothing more. However, his insistence on it, which wasn't transparent, made him think he had other motives, and also that he had no other option but to keep me on his side. Such a mindset is conducive to imposing his will, which is unfortunate.

I don't know how the girl is doing right now; I recently saw her in an Instagram photo posted by her boss. I can't move the girl, as long as she can radically differentiate herself from the other employees in relation to me. That is, she doesn't like to follow any formalities and needs that to be understood. This is part of her approach, where she abandons herself and gives herself over completely, thus establishing her difference from other coworkers, since she's a friend. I love her very much, but they didn't like her at the office because of it. I personally ignored her behavior; I couldn't control myself, and indeed, that always required going further, adapting to the circumstances, being timid, which was the way to achieve a moderate level of control over the situation. Furthermore, she, who is building her career, needed a life partner by her side, since she didn't have one, at least not at the office, at least not within this work environment. I don't know if she has someone else out there, the fact is that she doesn't move in accordance with others; she always moves alone, and that's quite complicated. She doesn't feel protected, at least not at the office. I don't think she'll ever leave me if she has to. I think she'll always carry me with her because I'm there to give her lots of affection, while she remains passive, receptive, and opens doors for it however she can. Without a doubt, it seems I have a place in her life, a unique one, initially, because I'm a stranger, and I've managed to overcome that, through actions, as it should be, more than with words. As a stranger, not being in the same context as her, where everything is defined and there are no gaps, everything lends itself to manipulation.

My boss, it seems, lived only for ensuring the group's image wasn't compromised. That's what he calls taking care of the group, a completely rigid thing that he tries to maintain at all costs, even playing the victim if necessary. He's definitely not someone who adheres to any principles, because for him, that would be rigid and risky for the future, for the world he inhabits. For him, being the one with the most bureaucratic power, it's considered the one who can obtain the most benefits, therefore everyone else has to fall because of him. His imposing way of doing things has caused him problems, because he acts on his own, not for the company's benefit.

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