These ways of being isolated...

My boss is one of those people who thrive on marginalizing others, turning his back on them. When something happens, he ignores it, using silence as his main weapon, along with small gestures. But since I'm used to it with my father, I don't care. In fact, I suspect he tried to talk to my father and it backfired. Look, I see the guy and he doesn't know what he's talking about at all. He doesn't know what he's saying, how he's expressing it. The man has clearly been losing his mind for some time now. He's always blaming others for all his problems. I mean, the man doesn't recognize his actions, he doesn't know what he's doing. In fact, I have the impression that everyone in the office is trying to drive him crazy, justifiably, so we can avoid protecting him from falling into the trap where he'll be in for a rude awakening, precisely so we can finally have him at our mercy, under our control, and thus take complete control of the department, which has been out of our hands for quite some time. We don't know how much time we have left after the tragedies in my country, but at least something can be done. We can try to justify his current situation, taking advantage of his elusive nature and the trust of the authorities, who are women, given the pervasive sexism. We need to keep him under control; he makes everything he does work. We need to make all his strategies for clinging on a living hell. Bringing him down to earth only makes him escape again. While we can't get rid of him completely, since he threatens with gossip and other tactics, then let's play the game of subduing him until he changes or leaves. That way, we can have peace of mind and he can make the decision himself. But he has to understand that the company isn't his, and we don't have to submit to him, give him any special treatment, or anything like that. We've been subjected to this for too long, and we've had enough. In fact, one of the heads of the other department arrived late precisely so as not to be involved, not to support him in any way in that hell he'd gotten himself into, that the authorities had put him in, making him look desperate for recognition, like a chauvinist, someone who seeks power at any cost, justifying everything he does, running away from everything—that man who simply doesn't know where he stands and never has, and who uses work as an excuse, being himself completely useless; doing things is utterly pointless.

He wanted me to become part of a family with him so he could have control, but I didn't allow it. It's exhausting to keep zooming in on this issue. I'm tired and I'd like to dedicate myself to something else, to another area of ​​knowledge. However, I don't know what else to do, I don't know where to turn. I feel like my father would get angry if he saw me straying from the path I'm on. He'd be fed up, annoyed if he saw me going my own way, stepping outside my comfort zone, expanding my horizons into other areas of knowledge. For my father, being okay means staying within the established parameters, which in effect shows that he's abusive towards me. He keeps me trapped and at his mercy, but I'm tired of it. I feel I have the right to do as I please, not because of my age, but because I want a different path, I want to explore diverse interests, delve deeper into things. I'm tired of being confined by his rules, just as I'm tired of being confined by my friend's rules, of only focusing on work. We could be friends in that sphere, but I feel—and I have to admit it—that it's a form of coercion. He guides me solely through work, arbitrarily, out of fear of losing her. It makes me feel violated by her, all in the name of her safety, and I don't like that. There are no agreements or anything like that, of course. Making them would reveal her aggressive nature, which she applies to others, her tendency to lie and overwhelm them. It's unbelievable, but it was the only way she had of keeping me around. At the cost of violence, at the cost of that unspoken threat, which my boss imposed on me because I strayed from where he wanted me to be, because I was damaging his image, it's outrageous that he can somehow keep you where he wants you, without your permission. I feel like I'm being treated like an animal, and I'm tired of defending my friend because of it. In fact, I live, in a way, in perpetual conflict with her, and I make it clear to her, and at least she reacts, but not significantly. It's like pretending she can keep all the power she has, as long as she can't control it, and it makes me feel completely absorbed from my life. And I really don't think she understands this because of her thirst for power. I feel just as dominated as when I was with my boss.

I feel just as dominated as when he was around. I don't feel free to talk about what I want, to reach an agreement, or anything like that. Instead, I feel like I have to let this girl lead the way. I feel seemingly free, but I'm not. I feel trapped by this absence, limited to doing what I want because I don't know her terms. I always have to deduce them. Before, I felt a certain freedom with my boss, within the confines of the office, where I didn't allow him to go any further. But with this friend, it's a different game. I feel like I don't know where we're going, what my future holds, what will happen if I do one thing or another. I feel completely immobilized, all because of this whole thing with pursuing her, and of course, she's provoking me too. I don't know why I gave in to her, I don't know why I went to her. She turned out to be my escape from my boss, definitely, but now I'm in a worse place, where I feel like I can't think straight, can't do anything. I have to live at the mercy of focusing on someone else to forget about the whole thing, and it's just not fair. I feel like that's how she's kept me under control, while she goes around shouting that she's so important. I feel hurt, subjugated, and it makes me wonder, when will this nightmare of control end?

I didn't go out into the world to be dominated, not at all. But I feel like I'm exaggerating, like what I'm saying can't be true. How could I have fallen into the same trap as before? Everything was supposed to be different, but it wasn't. I feel like I'm saying something that can't be true, that I'm confused, I feel like I'm in a place, not better, but already outside of all imposition, but a feasible place, I feel like I'm in that, it just so happens that right now I have to do something else and it's hard for me to write. I feel fed up with the whole office thing. I want to leave it behind once and for all. What's done is done, and I feel like I need to move on. But somehow, I'm reacting to this inertia, this need to distance myself, to not be a part of it. Even though I'm on vacation, it's more about completely differentiating where I am from the office. Firstly, because here I end up talking about it, unlike there, which is the fundamental issue. And it's truly embarrassing because I feel like my ideas don't resonate there. They're not prepared for them because they don't know how to read or listen. They detach themselves from the discourse, they don't follow it. When they speak, they don't see the conversation; they try to detach themselves from it by taking preventative measures. It's regrettable, but I also find myself surrounded by people who are, in this sense, completely alienated from the present. What other discoveries will I make in the future? I've already seen so many flaws in that office... I can't even see them as having come from some school, because they don't seem to have come from there. They may know things, about gossip, about social games, but they don't know how to intellectualize in order to socialize and socialize in order to intellectualize, and that's precisely the purpose of school. They are not prepared to be in the country, it must be said now.

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