My (now ex, I suppose) girlfriend had a really bad day at work, and is expecting things to be bad tomorrow.

She was texting me about it, just talking about her day like usual. It was getting close to bed time. During a break in the texting, I took a shower and brushed my teeth.

While I was doing that, she tried to initiate sexting. I didn't see it because I took a shower. I replied as soon as I saw the messages. I missed them by nine minutes total.

I answered her, and apologized, explaining that I was in the shower. No reply for an hour. I was a little worried she was upset, but figured she just fell asleep. I sent a goodnight text and told her I was going to bed, wished her sweet dreams, all the usual stuff.

I get a long reply a few minutes later, saying, in short, that because I wasn't there for her, she hit up one of her reddit friends to sext instead.

I asked her if she was being serious, hoping it was just some kind of joke. We have explicitly discussed that we would be monogamous, and it just seemed really out of character for her.

Come to find out, she had sexted with this guy a couple of other times lately when she couldn't sleep, and she felt like I had disrespected her by "ignoring" her texts.

We talked a little more. She seems to think this isn't a big deal at all and doesn't understand why I am upset about it.

I don't understand. She couldn't even give me ten minutes before she assumed I was ignoring her and ran to somebody else for attention? I asked her if she had been drinking or something because this is really not typical of her. She said she hasn't been drinking.

So I guess three years together doesn't mean anything because I missed a text by 9 minutes, and she was clearly doing this stuff before now.

I told her I couldn't talk about it anymore tonight and that I'm going to bed, and that I'll text her again when I get up if she still wants to talk.

I can't sleep. I don't know if I should laugh or cry. This is so ridiculous. Part of me is hoping she's just making this up to make me feel bad for missing her message, but that's equally strange behavior coming from her.

Things have been going well between us. We were just looking for a place together last week. This is insane.

I still love her, but I don't think I can just move on and pretend this didn't happen. It's "just sexting" but I know exactly how she would respond if things were reversed. She would never forgive me for it.

I don't think I can just forgive her either, but I know something must be really wrong, and a lot more serious than just work stress.

Or maybe I just don't want to believe that I've been a fool.

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