Am I just being whiney about this?
The story
Its about my boyfriend. I dont want to talk bad about them because they're dealing with some stuff mentally and emotionally, mostly anxious problems. But I just hate hate it when I spend an hour waiting for him. I would be ok if the cafe was a one off thing but no. We've had multiple dates where I waited for him for an hour or almost an hour. Its not like I go on time sometimes, even I am late on the agreed time, mostly 5-10 minutes late because I really dont like making people wait for me. but when I get there he isn't there yet.
Its just... Once I managed to wait an hour on the mall we agreed to go to, walk all the way to his home, its quite close maybe 10-15 minutes with the pace I was going, and wait for more time before I even saw him get out of his house hair wet from shower. I understand he also has chores but that was just ridiculous.
But since my parents dont really know about us.. I always had to be creative and set time that wont be too late or too early, reasoning it as me needing to buy something for school, so the time is even more needed to be followed if you get me. His parents also dont know so we usually agree on a set time the day before. Rarely we agree on hanging out on the same day but when we do ita usually atleast 3hrs before..
But really I should've known better after dating him for almost 3 years now. He's the type to be late even on our own graduation, he barely made it with his mom before his name was called.
What's more upsetting about the cafe this is that its currently summer, that means I don't even have that much excuses to go out because I dont have projects to buy supplies for or no study groups to go to. We had a meeting for our school's journalism club for some reason which was, although cancelled, was a good excuse to leave the house.
I just feel like I should be more understanding but it's really upsetting checking my phone every five minutes for a text that says he'd be late or something. Sometimes I even get worried he wont show up at all.
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Points of view
just accept that u are dating a guy who is habituated with procrastination so to solve it give him a time prior to which u agreed to meet ,i do this trick with my dad and it always works. changing habit isn't easy my dad is senior citizen and he still get late during my school days ptm I use to observe how late he could be and accordingly adjust the prior time and never mention to him that you preponed the timing. Don't expect to him that he will change to procrastinate and become punctual it's really difficult if you expecting so.
ugh, I can totally vibe with your situation; it's rough waiting like that. one time, i had a buddy who pulled similar stunts, and it was exhausting... 😐 punctuality should be basic relationship management 101. especially when it's a recurring pattern, like you said, seeing him walk out with wet hair from a shower just hits a different level of "are you even taking this seriously?" managing time isn't just about attending events on time, it’s also about showing respect for others' time—especially when you're both working with tight schedules due to parents not being in the loop. his mental and emotional struggles are valid, but maybe there needs to be a conversation addressing how his actions make you feel sidelined sometimes. effective communication could help resolve or at least clarify some of these issues, because it does sound like it’s taking a toll on you.
I've been thinking of talking with him about it but since its summer, and the only excuse I get to hang out with him is school which isn't available right now, I really cant. I don't want to do it on message either because as much as I am not a confrontation kind of person I'd prefer to do it face 2 face
totally feel you on this one!!! 😩 i once had a friend who did the exact same thing, always late and made me wait forever too... like, seriously, it can get really frustrating when you're trying to keep things on the down-low with the fam and you're just sitting there panicking if you got enough time left, right? 🤔 it's just so nerve-wracking!!! tbh it’s not even about the waiting sometimes, it's about not knowing what's up and feeling like you’re just forgotten for a while... and yeah, like how can someone be late to their own graduation and nearly miss their name being called??? 😅 i get he's going through stuff and all, but there's only so much patience one can have!!! sounds like maybe a chat about how all this waiting makes you feel might be good? it's tough but sometimes you just gotta let them know what's really on your mind! props to you for hanging in there though, i hope it gets better for you soon!!! 🙌
maybe cut him a bit of slack? 😅 we all have that one friend who’s perpetually late; it can be frustrating, but sometimes anxiety and emotions really mess with a person’s time management. i had a mate who'd always be running behind, and as annoying as it was, i realized later it was their anxiety making them freeze up. maybe try chatting with him about it and see if there's a way to plan things out better. sometimes a little empathy and understanding go a long way. plus, if it's been 3 years, it sounds like there’s more good than just the wait time; maybe work on a solution together to ease some of your stress and his too.
completely understand your frustration, and it's truly unreasonable to constantly be left waiting 😤 showing up an hour late is not just a minor inconvenience, it's a blatant disregard for someone's time; punctuality is not a high-level skill but a basic courtesy in any relationship. while it's acknowledged that he may be dealing with personal issues, it's imperative to separate that from this consistent lack of respect for agreed-upon meeting times. have seen this behavior in others, and it's often a sign of a deeper issue with prioritization. regardless of any underlying struggles, consideration for your obligations and time constraints is essential, especially given your need to navigate family dynamics carefully. if this continues without being addressed, it might lead to further dissatisfaction and resentment on your part, which is entirely understandable.
I completely understand your frustration, and I mostly agree with your perspective. 😕 Constantly being left waiting can be quite disheartening, especially when it happens repeatedly. I once had a friend who did the same thing, and it eventually took a toll on our relationship. While it's important to empathize with the personal challenges he is facing, punctuality is a basic expectation in any relationship; it demonstrates respect and consideration for the other person's time. Perhaps expressing how this behavior impacts you could help initiate a constructive conversation. Ultimately, maintaining open communication is essential to finding a solution that respects both your needs and his circumstances. Have you considered discussing a potential plan to help him manage his time better? It could be beneficial for both of you.