Three months ago, our family grew with the arrival of our first child. As expected, adjusting to this new life has been challenging for both my partner and me. Our little one hasn't started sleeping through the night yet, and we're both tackling full-time jobs again. In the past, dividing housework equally has worked well for us, but recently, my husband's efforts have been slipping.

For instance, he was responsible for cleaning the baby bottles one evening, and they were so poorly done that I had to wash them all over again. He accidentally dropped the breast pump parts into the garbage disposal and damaged them. Additionally, he has neglected to properly clean some clothes after our baby's messes, leading to permanent stains. These incidents have been increasing, and it's becoming frustrating.

I've tried discussing this with him gently, acknowledging that fatigue is a factor but stressing the need for care in our responsibilities. His response is always about how exhausted he is from balancing work with home duties. I’m empathetic because I'm also stretched thin from working, pumping, recovering postpartum, and managing our home and child. However, when he failed to refrigerate the breast milk I had pumped and it spoiled, I reached my limit.

He said he'd manage everything that evening so I could get some rest. Grateful, I went to bed only to discover the next morning that the milk had been left out. He apologized, mentioning he sat down to unwind with a TV show and unintentionally fell asleep. That's when I made a unilateral decision to cancel our streaming subscriptions, PlayStation Plus, and theme park passes to afford a housekeeper. My rationale was simple: if he's too tired for basic chores, he's too tired for video games or day trips as well. We still have cable and other leisure activities but I believed hiring help would allow us both to catch up on some much-needed rest.

The backlash from him was severe; he was angry that I made these changes without his input. I thought I was making a helpful decision for us under the circumstances.

If this scenario played out in a reality show, viewers might range from supportive to critical of my decision. Cameras amplifying our household tension and my drastic solution could lead to heated debates among fans on whether my actions were justified or if I should have sought more dialogue before cutting off entertainment as a means to introduce household help.

Am I wrong for hiring a housekeeper without discussing it first?

Should hiring help at home be a joint decision?