I fucking hate myself for what I did
The story
So I (16F) met a guy (19M) on codm and we talked and dated for maybe a week and we had planned for him to come up to Washington from Cali and he even booked an Airbnb near me. So it’s the 4th of July and he says “baby if you do end up letting me hit then I have a surprise for you” and I’m so confused so I ask him what it is and he says “Well I know how religious you are and sex is more of a marriage thing and what do you do before you get married? You get engaged so I baught you something” and I’m like oh like a promise ring? And he corrects me and says he already baught an engagement ring for me. I FULLY panicked. Soooo I blocked him because I lowkey thought if we met up then I honestly might’ve gotten kidnapped. Jump to last night at like midnight and I have been considering unblocking him for a few days now but I decide that was the time I guess. He automatically texts and we were trying to talk and I was trying to explain it from my pov and he told me how I fucked him over because he wasted 3k on the Airbnb and I promised I would never hurt him but I did(plus I got with him 3 months after he got cheated on by his girlfriend of 3 years) he ended up becoming very very depressed and was telling me how he wanted to kill himself and he had a gun right there and we still talked but all day today I have been trying to get him to not kill himself. He hates his life rn and a lot of it was because I ghosted him for 6 days. I left him and he’s too depressed to do literally anything like he won’t work and he keeps telling me that he’s crying and every time he tries to eat or drink water he throws up. Also because he wasted 3k in the Airbnb and he can’t even work because of how depressed I made him and now he has no money and has an eviction notice. All last night and all through I’ve either been trying to get him to not commit or I’m just trying to help him do literally anything. I can’t even get him to stand up and honestly I don’t even know why he’s still talking to me. When I blocked him I honestly didn’t realize it would affect him this much and I feel like such an insensitive piece of shit. I hope I’m helping by talking to him. He always responds to me and I fell asleep and he texted multiple times during my nap so I’m just glad he still wants to talk to me. I just still feel kinda useless because he isn’t doing any better I don’t think. What do I do now?
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Points of view
It's a difficult situation for both of you, but it's important to remember that his well-being is ultimately not your responsibility. His reaction seems extreme and troubling; perhaps he needs professional help. Have you considered contacting someone close to him or even suggesting professional support?
it sounds like a really intense situation you're dealing with there. being in the middle of someone else's extreme emotional turmoil can be incredibly draining and stressful. you mentioned that he spent so much on an airbnb, which seems kinda impulsive, especially after dating only for a week. i can't help but think maybe he already had some struggles before meeting you. while it's admirable to want to help him as much as you're trying to, it might be beneficial for both of you if he seeks professional guidance. it could relieve some pressure off your shoulders and provide him with the support he really needs!
Man, that's a rough spot to be in! You're trying to deal with so much at once and it sounds like you're carrying a lot of guilt here. I can't help but think that this dude's reactions are way over the top; spending 3k for someone you've known a week? That's wild! It seems like maybe he's putting too much on your shoulders. Like, how were you supposed to know he'd take things this hard? You definitely wanna help him out, but don't let it drag you down. Maybe just keep reminding him gently that professional help is really the best thing right now and try not to lose yourself in his drama; remember, you're only human too!
sounds like a lot of drama for a week-long chat. blocking was right move, he's manipulative!!
Whoa, honestly, this situation is way too intense. A dude buying an engagement ring after a week? That's seriously off-putting. Feels like he's using some heavy guilt-tripping tactics to manipulate you into staying involved; 🚩You did the right thing by initially blocking him 'cause that just sounds sketchy as hell. You're just 16 and shouldn't be made responsible for his mental health struggles or financial issues. This guy's problems run deep, and he should seek professional help instead of piling all this on you. Don't let yourself get dragged down with him; it's not your job to fix his life.
Damn, that's a lot to unpack. I mean, first off, this dude sounds kinda unstable to even drop 3k on an Airbnb after dating for a week, let alone buying you an engagement ring! 🚩 And now having to deal with his threats and guilt-tripping? That's too much pressure for anyone, honestly. It's not your fault he's in this situation; he made those decisions himself. You need to take care of yourself too; maybe reach out to someone who can guide him professionally if you're really worried about his well-being. You shouldn't have to carry the burden of fixing someone else's life when it's clearly way more than you can handle.
It sounds like you're in a really tricky spot and it's understandable to feel overwhelmed by this; what he said about wanting to harm himself is super serious, and it might be wise to suggest reaching out to emergency services or mental health professionals in his area who can provide him the support he needs.
This situation sounds incredibly overwhelming, and it honestly seems like this guy is putting an unfair amount of pressure on you. At 16, managing someone else's mental health crisis isn't something you should have to navigate alone; it sounds like he's going through a really tough time, but that doesn't mean you're obligated to be his sole support system. Maybe consider pointing him towards resources like hotlines or counselors who are trained to handle these situations... it's crucial he gets the right help from people who can actually provide it.
Whoa, hold on a sec. Why are you even thinking about unblocking someone like that? After just a week of dating and he's already talking engagement rings and threatening suicide when things don't go his way? That's some major red flag territory. Not your job to fix him or be his therapist. He needs serious help from professionals, not more drama with someone he barely knows!
this reminds me of when i met this girl online in a game and she also got super attached pretty quickly.
it's understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed by his reaction and the situation overall, but i wonder if it would be helpful to set some boundaries for your own mental health while encouraging him to do the same.
u shouldve never unblocked liers
wow, this is a lot to unpack 😳 tbh, his reaction seems kinda manipulative to me. like, booking an airbnb and buying an engagement ring in just a week? that's not normal behavior even if he thinks he's head over heels; feels like he's trying to guilt you into something you're not ready for. plus, him saying he wants to harm himself after you blocked him is really intense and could be his way of emotionally trapping you. while it's good you're talking to him, remember you're not trained for this stuff 💔 maybe encourage him to reach out to someone who can really help or involve someone older or more experienced that can step in.
idk... maybe i'm missing something here but this dude sounds kinda sketchy with all the over-the-top reactions?? like really, who spends 3k on an airbnb for someone they just met on codm??? 😅 feels like he's guilt-tripping you into staying involved. it's not fair that he's placing all his issues onto you and making it sound like you're the cause of it all. even if he’s struggling, you're not equipped to handle such serious stuff alone. try to be careful with how much energy you’re putting into this; your intention to help is good but don't let him make you responsible for his life choices. that's way too much pressure for anyone!
Reminds me of my ex...
Same here! Can't believe it.
Wow, that's a heavy situation you're in right now! It's completely understandable why you'd feel overwhelmed. It seems like you started out with pure intentions and then found yourself ensnared in an unexpectedly complicated scenario. I can't help but wonder if there's someone he trusts nearby who could offer support or intervene; it might relieve some of the pressure off you? The abruptness of his engagement suggestion is quite telling about his state of mind. Remember, it's crucial to prioritize your own mental health while trying to help him, and sometimes stepping back is necessary for both people involved.
Wow, this is quite a situation you've found yourself in. You’re 16, and it’s alarming that you’ve had to confront such an intense scenario; his reaction isn't something you're equipped to handle alone. It's crucial to maintain your boundaries and prioritize your well-being first because getting entangled further could be detrimental to both of you! I once found myself in a similar bind with someone online who got overly attached, and stepping back was the best move for my sanity. Have you thought about reaching out to someone like a school counselor or any trusted adult who can guide you on how best to deal with this? They might offer insights on how you can distance yourself healthily while ensuring he gets professional help; plus, why was he spending $3k without properly planning? That seems kinda reckless...
that's a tricky spot to be in for sure. i think you're trying your best but he's got some responsibility in this mess too. communication is key, but don't burn out holding all this weight alone.