Long Term Marriage- Feeling Betrayed
The story
I have been married to my husband for almost 20 years. We have kids together and have been relatively happy together- just the normal issues! I recently dropped some weight and strangely enough have started feeling insecure- which never have felt in all the years in our marriage. I just all the sudden had a sick/ empty pit in my stomach that something wasn’t right. So I started noticing things. He went to lunch with an attractive co- worker- which I was upset about and he thought it was funny. Then I noticed him being on his phone ALL the time and taking it everywhere with him. And a few nights while I was in bed I swear I saw him looking at girls online. I confronted him about it and he said it was TikTok and it was not anything. I swear I saw nudity. And so a few nights later I swear I saw him looking at girls again, and again he said I was crazy. He even gave me his phone (for a short time). But he is very good at lying and hiding things. I know what I saw. And now he will be on his phone and when I come near him I can tell he is switching out of what app or website he is on. I told him I think he has some other secret life on his phone and he just tells me I have lost it. And since then he has been disconnected, mean, ignoring me a lot of times and picking fights. So now I don’t know what to do. And then he will randomly be nice one day and buy me things. Its so up and down and before I brought anything up it was mostly all great days!
I can’t look through his phone-it’s literally always with him and he is too good at hiding things anyway. So I have no “physical “ proof “ but I just know he is being shady. I don’t want to end a 20 year marriage over this , but I don’t want to continue like this either. I feel like now that I have outed him -he has pushed me away, so who knows how long this has actually been happening and I was just naive! I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to keep looking for proof- which is literally causing so much anxiety. And part of me just wants to ignore this and make it go away and go back to how it was before.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Man, that's a tough situation you're in. 😕 I mean, it stinks to feel like something's off and not really have any solid evidence to back it up; It's like your gut is screaming at you, but you're just stuck in this weird limbo. Honestly, keeping this all bottled up is only gonna drive you crazy. Maybe try having another convo with him about how it makes you feel without accusing him of anything specific? Just see if he’s willing to open up at all or if he just keeps shutting down... It might give you a clearer picture of what’s really going on instead of feeling left in the dark all the time.
Really confusing...
idk, maybe trust your gut on this one but also try not to let it consume you too much. 🤔 it's super crappy to feel like you're always on edge, yeah? i mean, 20 years is a long time and that history matters, but you deserve peace of mind too. could you talk about counseling? even if just for yourself... might help get some clarity without jumping into any big decisions right away.
My partner did that once… 😢
it's pretty messed up that he's making you feel like you're crazy and then acting all nice to throw you off. been through similar stuff myself, and it sucks when you don't have solid proof but your gut is screaming at you. maybe it's worth having a real heart-to-heart with him about how this is tearing you up inside. laying it all out there might make him confront whatever's going on or at least open a real discussion. trust your instincts because they’re usually right, even if he's pretending otherwise; remember, you've got every right to demand respect and honesty in your marriage!
Honestly, this sounds like a real mind-bender and it's exhausting feeling like you're constantly in detective mode without any concrete evidence to put your mind at ease; been there myself, and it can drive you nuts for sure!
kinda agree but u never know
man, that really sounds exhausting... it's like you're stuck in this nasty loop where you don't want to wreck things, but you also can't just sit back doing nothing. thinking about how long you've been married, it’s understandable you'd feel trapped between suspicion and wanting the old days back. honestly though, maybe he's not even aware of how suspicious he's being... i mean, some people don't realize their habits have changed or are unsettling to others. have you thought about suggesting a break? something short just to gain perspective without making rash moves??? sometimes space can make things clearer for both people and guide decision making without all the constant tension.
did you actually see anything?
It's tough, but sounds like you might be experiencing a mix of projection and paranoia after your weight loss experience; sometimes our own insecurities can cloud reality and make situations seem more suspicious than they actually are.
Sounds like paranoia, bro!
Probably just in your head?!
Honestly, seems like you’re paranoid over nothing. If he says he's got nothing to hide and even offered the phone for a quick check, maybe it's just all in your head. Do you need solid proof before jumping to conclusions and ruining everything? Marriage stretches way beyond some suspicious behavior; chill out before you self-sabotage your peace of mind! 😒
this reminds me of a time when I went through something similar. my partner was always on their phone and acting weird too. turns out they were just super stressed about work and not cheating at all, but it took a lot to get to the bottom of it. communication really helped us in the end.
honestly, i get where you're coming from but it seems like maybe there's more to this than just what you're seeing. 🤔 once my buddy shared how his partner went through something similar and it turned out to be a misunderstanding based on lack of communication rather than deception; have you tried digging into why he's suddenly acting different? sometimes folks act shady 'cause they're dealing with their own stuff too, and it's not always easy to see at first glance. try approaching him when things are calm and ask what's really up without jumping straight into accusations. you got history together, might be worth exploring all angles before making any hasty decisions; who knows what other factors are playing a part here!
maybe you're reading too much into things. sometimes our minds create stories that aren't there. try talking to him again, more openly this time, without accusations maybe?
Dude, sounds like you're living in a real soap opera right now 😅 Relationships are tricky as hell and you've been with him 20 years, so that’s not something you throw away without thinking twice. But seriously, if he's making you feel this anxious and paranoid, maybe it's time to get real clear about how you’re feeling; Have an honest chat when things are calm. If he keeps being sneaky or dismissive, well then... maybe trust your gut. You deserve to have peace of mind too!
i once thought my bf ws cheatin turned out he wasnt lol
It sounds really tough not knowing for sure what's going on. I completely get why you’d feel uneasy, especially after so many years of trust. But is there a chance your recent insecurities play a role in how you're interpreting his actions? After all, sometimes our gut feels spot on even without clear evidence. Maybe it's worth considering couples therapy as an option to explore these feelings and behaviors together. It could help open up communication lines without making it seem like you're finger-pointing at him. Plus, having a neutral third party might offer insights neither of you have considered yet.
omg yes same thing happened with my ex i kno wht ur goin thru
Could be nothing?
Wow, that's a tough spot to be in. It's crazy how dropping weight can mess with your head like that and suddenly make you feel all kinds of insecure. I mean, it's like you just got this sixth sense or something, right? But seriously, if he's acting sketchy with his phone and you've seen stuff that doesn't sit right with you, maybe trust your gut a bit here? 🤷♂️
I get it though, 20 years is a long time to throw away over suspicions without solid proof. Maybe therapy could help both of you talk it out in neutral territory, where he can't just brush it off as paranoia. It might also help clear up any underlying issues that are causing this shady behavior from his side too. Who knows what’s really going on behind the scenes... but don't let yourself drown in anxiety without at least trying to get some answers for peace of mind!
ya know i kinda been thru sumthin like dis b4 an let me tell ya its hard 2 really konw wats goin on witout straight up evidence. sure he may seem shady now but maybe thats just u overthinkin cuz of how ur feelin?? talk 2 him calmly see if theres any chance hes hidng sumthn else or if its just ur mind playin tricks on ya.
Yeah blaming stress can sound easy but sometimes it's true
It seems you're having a rough time trying to reconcile your feelings with the reality of what's going on in your marriage 😕; sometimes what we fear becomes all-consuming.
Just avoid assuming!
Doesn't it sound kinda fishy how he's acting though? I mean, guarding his phone and reacting like that makes anyone's alarm bells ring. Exploring what’s really going on could add unnecessary turmoil, especially if it's been alright for so long; But man, if ignoring it is eating you up inside like this, maybe taking a breather might help too. Like stepping back a bit to see the bigger picture or figuring out what's making you feel off balance in the first place? Who knows, maybe something's changed in both of you without noticing.
?where is this going
Trust your instincts, but also consider the possibility that recent changes in your life might be amplifying feelings of insecurity; focus on finding a balance between gut feelings and rational thinking to figure out the next steps.
gotta say sounds like you're stuck playing detective in your own home, which is no fun at all 😒; maybe it's time to put the phone down and have a heart-to-heart with yourself about what you really want from this marriage instead of getting stuck on his shady actions?