Long Term Marriage- Feeling Betrayed
The story
I have been married to my husband for almost 20 years. We have kids together and have been relatively happy together- just the normal issues! I recently dropped some weight and strangely enough have started feeling insecure- which never have felt in all the years in our marriage. I just all the sudden had a sick/ empty pit in my stomach that something wasn’t right. So I started noticing things. He went to lunch with an attractive co- worker- which I was upset about and he thought it was funny. Then I noticed him being on his phone ALL the time and taking it everywhere with him. And a few nights while I was in bed I swear I saw him looking at girls online. I confronted him about it and he said it was TikTok and it was not anything. I swear I saw nudity. And so a few nights later I swear I saw him looking at girls again, and again he said I was crazy. He even gave me his phone (for a short time). But he is very good at lying and hiding things. I know what I saw. And now he will be on his phone and when I come near him I can tell he is switching out of what app or website he is on. I told him I think he has some other secret life on his phone and he just tells me I have lost it. And since then he has been disconnected, mean, ignoring me a lot of times and picking fights. So now I don’t know what to do. And then he will randomly be nice one day and buy me things. Its so up and down and before I brought anything up it was mostly all great days!
I can’t look through his phone-it’s literally always with him and he is too good at hiding things anyway. So I have no “physical “ proof “ but I just know he is being shady. I don’t want to end a 20 year marriage over this , but I don’t want to continue like this either. I feel like now that I have outed him -he has pushed me away, so who knows how long this has actually been happening and I was just naive! I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to keep looking for proof- which is literally causing so much anxiety. And part of me just wants to ignore this and make it go away and go back to how it was before.
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Points of view
Man, that's a tough situation you're in. 😕 I mean, it stinks to feel like something's off and not really have any solid evidence to back it up; It's like your gut is screaming at you, but you're just stuck in this weird limbo. Honestly, keeping this all bottled up is only gonna drive you crazy. Maybe try having another convo with him about how it makes you feel without accusing him of anything specific? Just see if he’s willing to open up at all or if he just keeps shutting down... It might give you a clearer picture of what’s really going on instead of feeling left in the dark all the time.
Really confusing...