No one listens.

Today I wrote on the board, what I needed my husband to do, and he proceeded to “go through the motions” and do what he thought needed to be done, and when I tried to point out that he is not listening to me, nothing. No expression nothing, no apology, NOTHING. To be honest I don’t want an apology, I just don’t know what to do. I’ve been leaving him more work to do for me and I’ve been doing what I consider the bare minimum, which is clean the laundry, wash all the dishes, put dishes away, mop, sweep, vacuum, and clean anything else that needs to be cleaned, and cook all the meals. ANYTHING more than this, I don’t even bother with them anymore, no more answering questions no more giving a shit about any of their mental lists. My husband and my kids. So I needed for him to turn the water heater on and to order the right gas tank since it was out. He instead went outside and turned the valve to the right tank and effectively turned off the gas to the house. So the lasagna didn’t cook. Since I’m on my period he asked me if he could make me a steak, but when he arrived I said no, because I was hungry and I wanted to eat quickly, but was persistent and insisted that he wanted to make it for me. when I realized that the gas was gone we both assumed that both tanks were empty and that he YET AGAIN forgot to order gas.I kept my cool, and said that since the lasagna wasn’t cooked, I needed to pick up food for everyone. The kids were hungry so they had the lasagna despite the noodle not being cooked. He was annoyed because I asked him to put in the order, and he did, and I stopped the oil he was heating up on the spare stove from over heating and creating gas, took it outside and started to fry his sweet potato fries. I said NO to the whole steak and the fries, and because his intentions were good i was trying to be calm but i was starving. When we realized he turned the valve instead of him doing what the board said, “TURN THE HEATER ON and order the right gas tank,” he asked me a stupid question, and said “STOP WITH YOUR BULLSHIT BOARD”. Guys, wtf?? The board is supposed to be so the communication is CLEAR AS FUCKING DAY, you can read it over and over and over again and NOT GET IT WRONG. No where did I say turn the valve. I’m leaving for surgery tomorrow, and I don’t want to look at him. I’m angry but I’ve been so angry at his inability to listen and UNDERSTAND that I don’t even know what I’m angry about anymore, everything is so messed up in my heart.My head is also so confused, I just don’t understand what the fuck is wrong with him, lately he will start speaking and start in the middle of his sentence or the end of his sentence and expect for me to follow, so now, if I don’t understand what he is talking about, I just go about my day. I can’t tell you the YEARS, literal years, I’ve said this phrase “ stop speaking in abbreviations, I don’t understand what your talking about, just say the whole word,” or “ complete sentences Temo” I can’t do it anymore. I’m not trying to divorce him, I’ve made way too many life choices that have me completely dependent on his income, and I really really really really did love him, I still do, like I make sure all his stuff is ready to do incase he wants to mountain bike, and I keep his important things a priority because I care about his happiness, truly. He is a very nice person, hence him trying to cook a steak so my period symptoms were more manageable. It’s this talking to each other thing. he can’t hear a word I’ve said. I HAVE NOW Started to word all questions as YES OR NO, so make it simple, but for the love of GOD, he will answer my question with a question every single time. I can’t stand him anymore. I really am so so so sad for my dumbass self. He would make a better roommate. he would suck ass as a friend he doesn’t fucking listen. This time it was painfully apparent that he jumped the gun and did whatever he thought was best, and instead of seeing his error, he’s annoyed with me. AWESOME. So guys, I’m at the point in this marriage, where he is kind enough to stay with, but the NO WORDS is hurting me, thats why I’here, so what can I do? With myself of course trying to talk with him is pointless. I want to talk to anyone but being in this world where now there are no such things as adult friends, I’m drowning in my own problems. If I was rich I’d buy a house for myself right next door to him, so the kids can see us both everyday. I just don’t want this type of crap happening anymore. How hard is it to answer a YES OR NO question? Or do EXACTLY what is written for you on the board??? I picked up the food and ate the over priced food, left the steak for tomorrow, and didn’t touch a fry. I guess me saying “no hun I’m hungry now” means NOTHING. I’m so angry I don’t know what to do. I want for him to understand but that is effort I don’t have, now I just have to learn to place my anger and frustration on the right spot, so I can continue living. I’ve even started doing everything I can myself so I don’t have to ask my incompetent husband for anything anymore. I’m in the sewing room just typing this… he doesn’t care and never has to come and try to talk anything out with me. ITS always been me bringing up the topics, but not anymore, he doesn’t care. Maybe the wound will fester and one day I’ll wake up and not give a shit about the repercussions of ending a marriage, or maybe one day I won’t care about not having a conversation where it ends in both of us feelings heard and understood. I’m hoping for the latter, cause I’ve been with him since we were both 15 years of age, and I’m barely 33, so I don’t want to start again, and find out all men are imbeciles who take for granted what took them SO MANY YEARS to re build.

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