Should I stay?
The story
I want to preface this by saying my bf may be undiagnosed neurodivergent and his parents didn’t get him the necessary tools he’d need as an adult so I do empathize with that… but I won’t make this long but I will also try to be as detailed as I can. Me and my bf met on Facebook and we have been together every day since our first date. This was new for me so shacking up almost immediately wasn’t on my bingo card for sure but it worked. There were a lot of things we went through together and separate where we had to be there for one another.. we have been together practically three years and he doesn’t know how to really communicate well or express his emotions well and I am a very vocal person but sometimes the deliverance isn’t the best I can account for that but I like to talk and he shuts down. Says I’m always arguing or trying to “debate” when I see it simply as communicating. So we never really talk. Like have deep meaningful conversations. I have to almost beg to be cuddled sometimes like he is affectionate at times but certain time I have to direct it. Which I am not a physical person myself so I get it but he should see I love to cuddle if I like asking but he always seems to make it seem like a chore to do it .. he also has grabbed me by my face arms once by the neck.. and wrists.. he’s not all bad he doesn’t cheat he does anything for me but idk I think I know the answer I just want someone else to weigh in on it. The fact im ashamed to discuss it with friends and family says it all..
Should I stay?
Stories in the same category
Points of view
sounds like you're in a tough spot trying to balance empathy and your own needs—honestly, the physical stuff you mentioned is a huge red flag, and it's concerning that it feels like a chore for him to show affection; if you're already hesitant to share this with friends or family, that might be your gut telling you something's off.
It sounds like you’ve both been through a lot together, but those physical behaviors are definitely concerning 😟. Even if he's undiagnosed neurodivergent, it's essential that he respects your boundaries and communicates in a healthy way. Have you thought about seeking couples therapy? It might help create a safe space for addressing these communication issues; also, what would an ideal relationship look like for you?
It's commendable that you're being empathetic towards his possible neurodivergence!! but... the instances of physical aggression you mentioned are genuinely disconcerting and shouldn't be overlooked; reflecting on how these behaviors align with your long-term relationship goals could provide crucial insight.
considering the complex dynamics you've described, it might be worthwhile to reflect on whether this relationship fulfills your emotional and physical needs, particularly in light of the concerning incidents of physical interaction—it's crucial for both partners to feel safe and valued, and perhaps seeking guidance from a professional could provide you with clarity on how to move forward positively.
you know, reading all this really hits home for me. i was in a relationship where communication felt like pulling teeth and, trust me, when you're always the one driving conversations or pushing for affection.. it gets exhausting! it's like wanting to connect but hitting a wall every time. 😩 but grabbing your face and neck? that’s definitely crossing some serious lines—it shouldn’t be brushed aside even if he has challenges. sometimes we tell ourselves "it’s not all bad" because we're holding onto those moments when things were good, right?? maybe ask yourself - are you getting what you truly need from this relationship??? 🤔 sometimes stepping back and evaluating what makes you happy can help clear the fog. just don't forget... your peace of mind matters too!