What the hell is wrong with me?

Written by
RadiantForestGreenLightLimerickInLisbonWithFear
Published on
Monday, 27 July 2026
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The story

I was given my dream life, family, house, car, kids, grandkid. My husband is wonderful. But I get it in my head that when something goes wrong everything has to. I feel like I'm supposed to implode. I've cheated, multiple times, had an affair, wanted to get a divorce. Then worked out a bit with my husband. We moved, and last week life happened where it got hard and BAM, I cheated when he was drunk asleep in our bed...again. What am I doing wrong? That I think that's okay in the moment? Why do I put him through this and the tests, the endless conversations of me getting better in therapy. But I don't...what's going on. I want to stop but it's become a destructive thing to me.

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JollyYellowIceHardDriveInHammeMilleWithSympathy 1h ago

it's wild how sometimes we self-sabotage even when everything seems perfect; kinda like we're testing if things can really be that good or if they'll break. maybe it's the thrill of chaos? just remember, therapy is a step, but actually putting in the work and being honest with yourself is crucial to stop this cycle 🙃