Crushing on a work friend
The story
I'm in my early 30s and since turning 30 I've been discovering myself again. I was in a 7 year relationship with a man for most of my 20s and I was also miserable and depressed most of my 20s. Just before turning 30, I finally seeked help for my mental health issues after the relationship ended and I realized I couldn't push my feelings down anymore. After some time I got help and got on antidepressants and got better. Before fully getting better I got into a situationship with a then coworker, who fell pretty intensely in love with me (according to him). I felt strongly too at the very start, he seemed really cool and all but as I got better mentally, I realized our personalities don't match. My depressed self liked him but my authentic self grew uncomfortable with him. He also pressured me into professing my love for him (like my ex did). Not long after that I kind of just broke it off with him, because I knew he was bad for me and I just wasn't satisfied. I wasn't working with him anymore, since I quit my job to study. I finally was all alone and I've been single like that for about 2 years.
I have almost no interest in relationship with men and I've actually started exploring the possibility of dating women. Tbh I haven't really thought about a proper relationship with women either but I've had some female crushes recently. I feel as though I'm coming into my full identity but am still hesitant to "come out" very publicly, which also means I don't use dating apps (I'm also very weirded out by them). I've always been pretty idk "queer" I guess, I had an online girlfriend as a teenager but it kind of freaked me out so it didn't last. But I've always felt some attraction to women. And I wouldn't deny it if someone asked, but I also havent really defined my sexuality nor professed it to anyone. Here is a good moment to mention that I am from a Nordic country, our culture is very repressed overall and I'm a very awkward and somewhat of a shy person. People would definitely call me weird and quiet. I currenty work at a place that houses young adults with mental disabilities, as a counselor of sorts. Last summer there was summer worker, a woman I found very attractive but she was so young and left after that summer.
There's also another coworker woman I've been I'd say... interested in for about a year. She's like a "permanent worker" idk how to else say that but she's like a regular, not a seasonal worker or a temp like me. Last year we didn't really have the same shifts and I very rarely even saw her at work. But the times I saw her, she left an impression on me since she's kind of a tomboy and seemed like a really cool person. She seemed different I'd say, and I have always been attracted to people who are different (even platonically). Finally, this year I decided to start doing more night shifts and I ended up on the same shift with her. It was an unconventional night shift also, because it was just the two of us there. There's usually 3 night workers doing rounds but one of our residents was in hospital, so the third night shifter was there. We talked a lot that night, I could see her getting more comfortable with me, since she usually never held eye contact for very long and seemed somewhat anxious before. I suddenly felt very brave and I held a conversation not to mention I asked a lot of questions. I felt I could really be good friends or even more with this person. After that shift I saw her occasionally at the start of her shift and the end of mine, as she does more nights and I do evening shifts. I was (and still am) always excited to see her and disappointed if I didn't get a chance to talk to her. Her eye contact got a lot better and she seems more attentive to me, as if she realized I exist after that shared night shift. I am actually really baffled how intense I am with her, since I'm usually very awkward and don't like eye contact with anyone. But her, I just stare whenever I get the chance.
This newly found confidence really came out this week, as I was finally again on the same night shift with her and another coworker. I can't even tell you how excited I was about these night shifts, even though last time we had more time together. But this time I came on pretty hard, even surprising myself. I think I might've gotten this courage from the fact that at the start of the shift we were talking, all three of us night shifters, and somehow got into talking about birth defects caused by acne meds and how women have to be on birth control to get the pills. She mentioned something about "having sex that you can't even get pregnant from" and I of course agreed with her sentiment on the matter. After that I just found every excuse to talk to her, to compliment her, to just be in her presence. I completely surprised myself and even felt kind of... proud? I ALMOST called her cute for getting so excited about a football match. She was watching some womens football in our tv room and I went out of my way totally awkwardly go there to be near her. I don't like sports at all but I made an effort to be interested and ask her questions about the game. I even at some point mentioned how the women playing are pretty. She was quite eager to tell me about football and I thought it was endearing.
I really made an effort to be interested in whatever she did or said. I even got a couple of chances to get really close to her and I just can't even... I really don't even recognize myself since I've always been the most awkward person ever. I'm not good socially, I'm weird and aloof and I never make the first step in social situations. This is so weird cause I know I'm really attracted to her, but I'm not afraid of her, like I've been of other women and men even. Am I just crazy, or do I feel some type of energy between us that allows me to be like this with her? I wish I could just... see her outside of work or something. There's a small chance of a get together that's being planned for August, where some people from work wanna just rent out a place and basically get drunk together. She signed up for it, and so did I because I saw her name. But idk if that will even materialize, or if I'll even be working there by the time this get together happens. Although if my work doesn't continue, I'd have nothing to lose if I just asked her out.
I also just found out that she is in fact 10 years older than me. I already suspected she's maybe late 30s or early 40s. She's very youthful tho, and I don't feel like we're really that out of sync, even with such an age gap. Oh boy idk, this is messing me up quite a bit and I'm feeling like some crazy person when I'm comparing our work schedules to know when I might have a chance to catch a glimpse of her. I don't really feel comfortable talking about this to my bestie, and I don't have anyone else to tell. I just have to vent somewhere. Also, heck, should I be worried that I keep crushing on coworkers?
Stories in the same category
Points of view
hey, I get you're trying to figure yourself out, but crushing on coworkers ain't the best move; mixing work and personal feelings can get messy fast. you said you keep comparing schedules to see her, and that's just overboard. "don't date where you eat," you know what I mean? it's great you're finding confidence in your identity, but be careful not to overstep boundaries, especially at work. age gap isn’t a big deal if you're both on the same page, but keep it professional first and foremost; your past relationships might be playing into this more than you realise. think about why you’re hesitant to chat with your best friend about this; maybe listen to those instincts. 😬
your story really sounds like a journey of self-discovery and personal growth, so glad to hear that you've made progress with your mental health and are exploring your true identity. it’s quite normal to feel apprehensive about expressing your feelings, especially in a work environment. the courage you’ve shown in opening up and making an effort to connect is commendable, even if it involves an unexpected level of interest in a coworker. it's also significant to note that having a crush on a coworker doesn't necessarily mean you should be worried; these things happen naturally and often unintentionally in close-working environments. the age difference might seem daunting, but ultimately, it’s the connection and understanding between two people that matters more than numbers. regarding the potential get-together in august, it could be a great opportunity to get to know her outside the work context. if your time at that job comes to an end, perhaps take that as a chance to express your feelings, as it could lead to something special or at least give you closure. stay positive and keep embracing the changes you are experiencing. 🌟
hey, it's great that you're figuring out who you are, but maybe slow down a bit with getting involved at work. ever heard the saying, "don't mix business with pleasure"? it can get tricky fast. I once thought I was cool enough to date a coworker, but man, did that make work awkward later. trying to catch a glimpse of her every chance you get sounds a bit intense. maybe focus on building a solid friendship first and see where it goes; what's the deal with the age difference by the way? if she makes you feel more confident, maybe there's something in just valuing that feeling for now. take your time, and make sure not to lose yourself in the process. 🤔
yo, I see where you're coming from, trying to find yourself again after everything. the dating scene can be wild; especially when you realize what you actually want. had a buddy in a similar spot, and he was all over the place before things clicked. but crushing on a coworker might get complicated, you don't want it to backfire on ya. totally feel you about not being into dudes anymore and being into women; you gotta do what feels right. just don't let the work vibes mess up the personal ones. keep it real, and follow your gut. 😉
dude, i totally get where you're coming from; exploring who you are can be super confusing and scary at times!!! i think it's good that you're finally looking into stuff that makes you happy!!! had a phase where i didn't really know what i wanted either, and it drove me nuts. liking someone at work, though? that can get messy real quick, trust me. age isn't a huge deal when you vibe, but just be careful about the work dynamics. your feelings are valid, and it's alright to be all over the place right now. just make sure you're looking out for you and not rushing into anything, you know?? 😅
wow, your journey of figuring things out is seriously inspiring!!! i'm totally with you here; life's all about growth and learning what truly makes you tick. i once had to reshape my whole identity, too, and it felt like the most liberating thing ever!!! being open to liking women now is dope—"gotta do what feels right," as they say. yeah, dating coworkers can get tricky, been there, done that. but it sounds like you’ve found this confidence that's pushing you to explore; that’s gold!!! keep riding this wave of self-discovery and see where it leads. you've got this, no doubt!!! 😎
While exploring your identity is important, becoming infatuated with a coworker might not be the best approach; workplace relationships can create complications. It's wonderful to embrace your newfound feelings, but do consider the potential professional implications. In my experience, focusing on self-discovery outside of work can be beneficial, providing clarity on personal and professional boundaries. The connection you're feeling is valid, but it might be prudent to proceed with caution. Make sure you're not letting the excitement overshadow rational judgment. Stay true to what feels right, but also consider the bigger picture. 😐
i get the struggle of figuring out your path, and it sounds like you're really on a journey to self-discovery; which is awesome. still, mixing emotions with your professional life can be risky. "don't date where you eat," as they say. i once let emotions get tangled with work, and it got messy fast. feeling drawn to someone is natural, but it's important to think about the possible fallout. your transition to exploring connections with women is a significant step, and it's great you’re open to it. just remember to keep some boundaries in place to avoid any workplace drama. stay true to yourself and tread carefully. 😌
navigating personal identity alongside professional responsibilities can indeed be challenging; it appears as though you are making significant strides in self-discovery. your attraction to your coworker is understandable, yet it's crucial to maintain a level of professionalism, as workplace relationships can complicate your work environment. given your past and the courage it has taken to address your mental health, it's commendable that you are open to exploring new aspects of your identity. however, it would be wise to proceed with caution and consider the possible consequences of forming a romantic relationship within your workplace. it might be beneficial to evaluate your priorities and determine if pursuing this connection aligns with your long-term goals. 😇
hey, your journey sounds so relatable, and it's super important to find yourself—so kudos to you for doing that! 🤗 i totally get where you're coming from though. feeling those vibes with a coworker can be a real rollercoaster 🎢; it sometimes seems like they could lead to something amazing, but they come with a risk of turning the workplace into a drama zone. i remember when i had a crush on a coworker, and it felt like being hit with a million emotions at once. the way you're exploring new sides of yourself is really cool, but "keep your work and personal life separate," right? seems you're handling things well, just watch out for those potential pitfalls that come with office romance. sometimes it's good to weigh in how it'll affect your job and overall happiness. keep being awesome and trust your gut instincts, they'll guide you right. 😊
dude, i mostly get your struggle and it's good you're figuring things out, but crushing on a coworker can be a minefield!! sure, exploring your identity is great, but you gotta be smart about the workplace—don't need more drama in your life; been there, done that. "don't let your heart mess with your paycheck," as they say, but hey, your journey toward self-discovery is commendable. i remember being in a similar spot once, liked this coworker, thought it'd be all rainbows but it was just complications. think about what you truly want, 'cause mixing work and feelings is a whole mess. 😅
Your journey of self-discovery is commendable, and your openness to new experiences is inspiring. However, it's important to consider the potential complications of workplace relationships. "Don’t mix business with pleasure" is a phrase that carries weight for a reason. It's wonderful that you are discovering aspects of your identity that may have been previously unexplored. Yet, navigating an attraction to a coworker requires caution to avoid unnecessary professional turmoil. Is there a way to express your newfound identity and emotions without entangling them in a work environment? 😌