I’m scared of being forgotten.

Okay, so about the end of the school year last year I met a boy, we were long distance but we only live 40 mins away but neither of us had a way to see each other so we never did but we loved each other so so much. He used to be a drug addict but he started going to therapy for it ( I pushed him to go because he started looking very unhealthy.) eventually he quit and he’s been clean for a couple months now (from what I know) long story short he ended up ghosting me and we haven’t talked since last year. At least that’s what I thought, well I was under very strict rules at my house, I didn’t have a phone, all devices at 6pm in moms room, no seeing friends on school days, bedtime for me was8pm, stuff like that but I had an idea just to use Gmail to text him on my school iPad on an email I had made, so that’s the only thing we could communicate on, so FaceTiming became google meets, changed his name on it to Hailey so if I was on a call with him my parents would think it’s a girl, going out to friends was sneaking off and having them cover for me, yk the good old “strict parents raise sneaky kids” hits hard, but he’s changed since then, a lot. See, I’m 16 soon to be 17 and he’s newly 18. He had a scar on his chin that I’ve never seen before and I saw it and asked him about it, and before he answered I said that I have to same kind on my chin as well, saying it was from when I was a baby, when I asked after he then said “I got shot” i was so confused and scared, was it from a cop? Was it a robber? What happened? Hes completely changed his slang and his personality, yea I would be happy but he didn’t change for the better. He wasn’t the sweet, sensitive, loving boy I knew. He was more like a gang membe. He kept telling me how someone’s currently trying to kill him, and I’m scared that since I’m with him now I’m gonna get involved. Like what if me and him are at the park and that person sees? Will they come after him only or me as well? I’m not sure where this is even going just, I needed to vent about how much I miss how he used to be. He’s trying to make me do gang signs, he’s listening to drill rap (murder/drug music) and I’m scared he’s gonna never be the way he was. He use to tuck in his phone when he had to go. (mostly around 9 but I got super tired around then so he’d tuck in his phone till he got back) he would stare at me with love and I could tell, his eyes would look at me like I was the only person in the world, the big eyes, the smile, the eye contact, everything. He’s started calling me ml, I think it’s super cute because he acts all tough and scary but around me he’s sweet, he lets his guard down and i can just feel his love. But I felt it way more back then. For example, one time I told him that a song reminded me of him (what would I do by strawberry guy) and I told him to listen to it. He then replied 2 minutes later, calling me and crying that I make him feel so special compared to literally anyone and how he feels like I love him more than I could anyone, he even texted me saying “I’m sorry, I don’t want to make you mad.” I asked why and his answer crushed me in the best way possible. He said, “I said sorry because I don’t want to lose you. You have a special place in my heart and it’ll never leave even if you do.” And I broke down crying right there right then. He doesn’t even know it either, then when I re-showed him the song a little ago he said “oh yea I remember, nice song” and I felt my heart being squeezed. Nice song? What happened. I’m wondering if I did it to him, since I left him (I didn’t as I explained) and then he went on to change his behavior because he didn’t have anyone to talk to. But now he’s not responding and he still hasn’t. (3 days and he hates not talking to me and texts me every time he can) I don’t wanna be ghosted again or left. Otherwise we got close again for no reason. What do I do here?

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