I need some help.
The story
Context: I was with my ex-boyfriend for a little over 2 years. It was definitely rocky, especially toward the end, but the break up hurt. It hurt so bad because it was abrupt, and it was like right when I started liking him again. I became the desperate ex for like a little just trying to get back with him or at the least stay friends. It didnt work after he asked me for advice on how to date a new girl like 3 days. I blew up on him for being an asshole and he blocked me.
Fast forward about 3 months later and I started dating again. I accidently got into a serious relationship while in retrospect, defintelly still having feelings for my ex. I declined my feelings and moved forward with the new guy. Fast forward to this past summer and I cannot stop thinking about my ex. I wasnt happy in my current relationship so I didnt care to hide it. I told my current bf and said I need to reach out to him. He allowed it and things did not go well with my ex. I end up blocking him. Fast forward about 6 months and again he consumes my mind. I dont reach out as I know theres no point but I still want to.
I want so badly to be as connected as we were. He was funny, playful, cocky, but most of all real (or atleast it felt like it). Ive come to understand that I dont like him, but l miss the way I felt.
Today, I feel so empty. My current boyfriend just makes me anxious and judged. I dont love him but I want to because he is a good guy.
Yesterday I asked him, if I dissapeared, do you think I've made an impact on you. He said no. Hes told me he doesnt think I'm funny, he doesnt think Im smart, he just does not like me.
I want so badly to leave him. With college coming up, I told him I want to break up and he said no. I tried to pushback but it was still no. With me being such a coward I took his answer. I should stand on my ground but I dont.
Ive put myself in this situation and I just want advice.
I feel like I havent explained my situation the best I could and definitely left some things out. But, how do I get the ex off my mind. How do I salvage or break off this relationship.
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Points of view
I've been there too and it sucks. Breakups are like a rollercoaster of emotions, especially when the feelings linger. You got to focus on what makes you happy, though. If your current relationship is making you anxious and judged, then that’s a red flag. It’s crucial to prioritize your mental well-being. College is like a whole new chapter, so maybe it's a good time for a fresh start; don't let someone else dictate whether you stay or go. Just take a step back, evaluate what you need, and give yourself space to heal. Best to think of what you truly want moving forward and stick to your decision.
Thank you so much for replying and actually listening. I find my happiness correlates with my peers. Like if my bf is upset then I become upset. Is there a way to stop that?
Also, should I tell my boyfriend about everything?
Truth is, unlearning that kind of emotional reflex isn’t easy, but it is possible. it starts with catching yourself in the moment, gently, without judgment.
Ask yourself: “is this mine to carry?”
Sometimes just that pause—just that breath—can break the loop.
Therapy helped me, journaling too. even tiny boundaries can be revolutionary. 💙
You’re not broken. you’re just learning how to protect your own peace.
As for telling your boyfriend everything, honesty is important, but so is your safety and well-being. If you feel that sharing will lead to a constructive conversation, it might be worth it. However, if you fear it could escalate things negatively, consider seeking support from friends, family, or a counselor first.
Ultimately, you deserve to be in a relationship where you're valued and respected. Trust your instincts and prioritize your happiness.
your situation is entirely problematic. remaining in a relationship where you do not feel appreciated is detrimental. contemplating your ex is understandable, but it is futile unless both parties are truly invested. your current partner’s response to your feelings is dismissive and, frankly, unacceptable. relationships require mutual respect and understanding, not indifference. "no" should not be the final answer when deciding your own path; it illustrates a lack of regard for your autonomy. evaluate your priorities and make the necessary changes to ensure your happiness.