My First Adult Relationship
The story
I love this guy so much. I love him so much that I wish he would understand that it's torture to be left in the dark about how he feels. We got into a situation where I was honestly being very emotional and hysterical for no good reason. I asked him if he would ever tell me if he had an issue with me or anything that he ever wanted to talk about so that I wouldn't spiral so badly again and he told me that he would never. I was shocked to say the least. It's important for me that there is communication in a relationship and I feel like we have awesome conversations when we are just talking, but we can never sit down and have a conversation about anything important. He internalizes a lot of things and I feel very cautious of what I say around him because he remembers very little comments and brings them up when we fight about anything. I match his energy and I keep things to myself and when I eventually explode and have horrible reactions he either just brushes off my emotions with "ugh men" or he talks about how he could've never known I felt that way and that I should talk instead of keep things to myself, when he is the worst at doing that. He makes me feel like I'm insane or dramatic and he often calls me dramatic, but I don't know if I really am or if I'm normal? We have both had bad experiences with dating in the past, so of course we're gonna have our baggage, but I really want this to work. He recently has talked about moving back to his home state with his mom and how he wants to get a one bedroom apartment and I was afraid that he meant alone and my emotions are clear on my face usually so he saw and he told me that of course he meant with me, but I really feel like I can't trust anything he tells me. He is very good at putting up a facade, it's kind of chilling how he can do that honestly because one day he was talking to an old friend and being very chill and laughing with them and immediately after that he just straight up cut them off entirely. He had reasons why he did that and I understood that he felt uncomfortable with that friend for a long time, but it put a big fear in my heart that I would wake up and he would just be gone one day. How would I even explain that to people? I have been through something similar with an ex that I had in high school where we stopped talking and he broke up with me and blocked me. I feel like this is worse though because I am not even sure if he would TELL me before just straight up blocking me.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Wow, that sounds like a hot mess. 😬 Sounds like there's a major communication breakdown between you two. If he won't open up and you're exploding from holding stuff in, it's a recipe for disaster; Smells like insecurity and emotional baggage everywhere. You need a sit-down, a clear info exchange, and boundaries. Trust and communication are foundation pillars. Without them, stability fails. It's not normal to feel like you're walking on eggshells all the time. If he keeps acting like that and can't change his dynamic, maybe time to reassess the investment in this relationship.
Hey, I totally feel for you in this situation. It sounds super frustrating and confusing 😟 I've been there too, with the whole feeling like you're in the dark because someone can't open up. Trust me, lack of communication is like kryptonite for relationships. It’s great that you both have awesome convos when chill, but it sucks when the important stuff gets swept under the rug. I guess it's all about finding that balance, right? I remember with my ex, I had to literally spell it out that I needed him to be more open, and after some work, things got better; Maybe something similar could work for you guys? Keep holding onto the hope that things can change and maybe try to have an honest heart-to-heart with him about how you're feeling. Relationships are hard work but so worth it when both people are on the same page!
reading this, gotta say, it does sound like you're a bit all over the place. you really think he's just gonna up and leave without a word? seems unlikely if he's talking about getting a place with you. i get that communication's important, but seriously, you might be overthinking this. sounds like you’re caught in your own head a bit too much, like that part where you say you feel like you're “walking on eggshells” sounds pretty dramatic. my buddy was in a similar sitch and it turned out he was projecting his own insecurities. have you thought about that? maybe try chilling out and giving some trust instead of focusing on the negatives all the time. relationships aren't easy but jumping to conclusions won’t help either. be real with him and see what happens before expecting the worst.
i get it, relationships can be a real struggle, but gotta ask, are you sure you're not overthinking things here? 🤔 you mention he said he wants to get a one-bedroom with you, not without. maybe it's not about him putting up a "facade" but you reading into things too much. it's easy to feel insecure, but if you keep expecting the worst, it might just stress you out more than necessary. what's stopping you from sitting him down and having an open talk about how both of you can improve the communication? jumping to conclusions might not be the best move here. are you letting your past baggage shape how you see this relationship too much?
oh wow, i totally get why you're feeling stuck here 😟!!! it's so important to have communication in a relationship!!! when you can't sit down and have those important talks, it makes everything feel shaky. it's like you're on a seesaw that's not balanced right. internalizing stuff can really mess things up; i had a relationship where we did that, and it just blew up in our faces eventually. trust is super key, and it's hard to build that if you're always wondering if he'll pull a disappearing act. keeping everything in your head isn't healthy for either of you??? maybe just try to lay it all out on the table and see if you both can figure this out. you deserve to feel secure and heard 😊!!!
totally hear you on this one. that kind of emotional whiplash can be a nightmare. feels like you're constantly on the defense, right? 😤 been there, and it's draining. you say he internalizes everything, but then blows up during fights. that's rough. have you tried directly asking him why he does that? might be time to lay it all out. relationships should be a two-way street, not you tiptoeing around all the time. doesn't sound fair at all. what's his take on why you can't have the serious talks?
honestly, this whole thing sounds like a lot of drama that maybe doesn't need to be drama?? you're saying he has communication issues, but it kinda seems like you're doing the same thing by expecting him to just magically know what's up. what’s with the constant "walking on eggshells" vibe?? if you really want this to work, maybe both of you need a wake-up call to stop playing mind games and start being real with each other. he's not a mind reader, and you're not the only one with feelings. sure, past baggage is tough, but using it as a shield against current problems ain't healthy. how about ditching the guessing games and actually talking about how both of you really feel?!
man, this sounds like a big mess you're both tangled in. you keep saying he's got this "facade," but maybe you're just misinterpreting his actions??? maybe you should take a step back and see the patterns you both keep repeating. your past dating baggage seems to be clouding your judgment. it's like you’re jumping to conclusions before even getting his side. i had an ex where everything was assumed, and it tore us apart faster. relationships are a two-person gig, not just one person doing all the heavy lifting in terms of emotional labor. have you thought that maybe all this internalizing and your spirals are just adding fuel to the fire???
i understand your frustration, but it appears that you may be overanalyzing the situation a bit too much 😐. while communication is undeniably crucial, making assumptions about his intentions could exacerbate your insecurities!!! my personal experience taught me that overthinking often results in unnecessary stress and conflict. perhaps more effective would be a direct dialogue where you both express your concerns candidly. approaching this with an open mind and a willingness to listen might yield more productive results. have you considered how your past experiences might be influencing your current perceptions??? it's essential to acknowledge these factors to move forward more constructively 😊.
i get why you're worried, but have you thought about whether you're overreacting a bit? it sounds like there's some major trust issues at play. i've been in a similar boat, where i doubted everything my partner said; it turned out half of those doubts were just in my head. maybe he just needs to figure out his way of opening up. relationships need time and patience, and sometimes we gotta chill a bit and see how things unfold. you both have past baggage, but unless you're both willing to move past that, it's gonna keep weighing everything down.
wow, sounds like you're in deep, but let's break it down. you seem to be caught up in your own insecurities and projecting them onto him 😒. i mean, thinking he'll up and leave without a word? that's pretty extreme. he's talking about moving and living with you, yet you choose to fixate on the negative. sounds like you're fighting shadows, not realities. everyone has a past and baggage, but dragging it into every new relationship won't help anyone. i've been with someone who pulled that same "walking on eggshells" routine, and trust me, it's exhausting for both sides. maybe chill a bit and stop assuming the worst. 😤 open and honest convo is the key to understanding each other better.
i understand you're going through a difficult situation, but have you considered that your perspective might be a little skewed here? you mention that he discusses moving with you, yet you seem fixated on the possibility that he would disappear without warning. from my experience, such assumptions often reflect personal anxieties rather than the actual situation; i once let similar doubts cloud my judgment and nearly sabotaged a healthy relationship. it is vital, therefore, to distinguish between subjective fears and objective reality. perhaps creating an environment where both of you can discuss your concerns openly could prove more beneficial. while communication issues exist, your narrative suggests that he is attempting to include you in future plans, which may indicate a genuine commitment.
i empathize with your situation and understand the distress you're experiencing 😔. it's evident that communication is a critical component lacking in your relationship. having been in a similar predicament, i can relate to the emotional turmoil caused by uncertainty. you mentioned he "internalizes a lot of things," which, in my opinion, is a significant red flag. relationships thrive on transparency and reciprocal communication. while you both possess past relationship baggage, it is crucial to not let this impede your present dynamics. fostering an environment of openness could be highly beneficial. perhaps setting aside time for a candid discussion about your concerns and expectations might pave the way for improvement 😊.