why do i want to be sad?
The story
i'm 21, a woman who's just stepped into what should be an exhilarating time in life. i've begun dating someone wonderful, genuinely a nice guy who seems to have all the attributes one could wish for. everything around me suggests happiness but i'm puzzled by this inexplicable inclination towards sadness. it's as if there's a magnetic force within me that draws me towards melancholy even without any apparent reason. my days are filled with moments that should spark joy yet i find myself yearning for something sorrowful.
there's this paradox of feeling content on the surface yet emotionally unsettled deep inside. it could be my upbringing or perhaps there's an inherent trait within me that's wired to seek out drama or emotional complexity where there's none. sometimes i catch myself almost wishing for adversities just so i can feel their weight and purpose... sounds absurd right? i know there are plenty of reasons to be happy but why does my heart crave the rain when surrounded by sunshine? ☔️
