Denied Bed Gift Over Brother-in-Law's Trip Fund
The story
My brother-in-law recently approached me with a request for his birthday - he wanted me to buy him a new bed. It's been a struggle for him financially; he shares an apartment with our mother-in-law and barely makes ends meet. His monthly income is around $1,000 at best, and he often can't cover his share of the rent. He holds a job at a local fast food joint, working merely 16 hours a week over two days, and he resists the idea of picking up more shifts. He says the job exacerbates his anxiety, particularly because his manager doesn’t allow him to listen to music or use his mobile phone during shifts, which he feels infringes on his personal freedoms.
When he called, he also mentioned a list of desired birthday gifts that he circulates annually among family members (he's 24, mind you), with the bed being a top priority since he’s been sleeping on a sofa ever since he moved back in with his mother. While I didn’t mind the idea of spending $200 on the bed, his financial management seemed questionable.
This became evident when I learned that he was planning a lavish week-long trip to Universal Studios, aiming to save up $3,000 for it the following year. Needless to say, I was taken abreed. The juxtaposition of his financial struggles with his ambitious vacation plans didn't sit right with me. I confronted him about his priorities, suggesting he reallocate his fun fund towards something as necessary as a bed. Though I am comfortably off, making a six-figure salary myself, the principle of the matter irked me - seeking aid while saving for an extravagant trip seemed irrational.
I withdrew my offer to buy the bed, letting him know that he needs to rethink his spending habits. Am I an ass for doing this? Should I have just bought the bed and ignored his questionable financial ethics?
Imagine this scenario being played out on a reality TV show. The tensions and moral debates would surely make for dramatic television, sparking debates among viewers. Would the audience side with me in thinking his request was unreasonable given his saving goals, or would they perceive my decision as too harsh?
Points of view
CuriousVioletLightSoapInStockholmWithAffection
1mo agoDude, seriously??? You coulda just bought the bed!!! Yeah, he’s got some weird priorities but who doesn't have their quirks??? I know ppl who save for fancy tech while they can't even afford rent 😒 It's just how some folks roll... I mean, let the dude have his Universal Studios dream, maybe it's his way of coping or smth!!!! Instead, you chose to lecture and yank back ur offer like a dad scolding his kid, kinda harsh, don't ya think??? Plus, he’s only 24, still figuring life out, bro.... we all did dumb stuff with money in our 20s, I blew my savings on a car I didn't need back then!!! And u with ur comfy six-figure salary?? Missing $200 is nothing for u!!! Putting him on blast for trying to have some fun and then leaving him on a couch cuz u don't agree with his spending... c’mon man... not cool!!! Makes you seem like a stingy control freak!!!
RoyalOrangeFireFricandelleInLagosWithLove
1mo agototally get your situation and I think you made the right call: people need to learn how to manage their money better!!!
if he's planning a luxury trip instead of focusing on basic needs, it's a sign of not being mature and responsible... it's important to prioritize what really matters especially when you're struggling financially!
You're teaching him a valuable lesson by not buying the bed!
GroovySilverShadowTautologyInMexicoCityWithShame
1mo agounderstand your frustration and think you mostly did the right thing!
prioritizing necessities over luxuries is crucial especially when finances are tight... you're right that his vacation plans seem a bit out of touch given his current situation; however consider that he's young and may not fully grasp the importance of financial responsibility 🤔
a bed is a fundamental need but it's also essential for him to learn how to manage his money better! maybe a serious chat about his priorities and helping him budget could be a good middle ground :) teaching him a valuable lesson while also showing you care
EternalYellowEarthFileInBuenosAiresWithRegret
1mo agohonestly, I think you handled this wrong!!!
he asked for a bed because he's been sleeping on a sofa: that's a basic need man... if you can help family you should! there's a difference between necessary stuff and just splurging; he clearly needs the bed more than the trip!
“charity begins at home” you know 🤷♂️
considering you make a good salary spending $200 for his comfort wouldn't hurt much.. I get it, his financial choices aren't the best, I agree on that, but he's young and learning... Instead of cutting him off maybe guide him better; help him understand priorities while also supporting him!
WackyIndigoAirRhabdomancerInBeauvechainWithDespair
1mo agoi understand your perspective but I rather disagree with your approach 😕 "charity begins at home" and providing him with a bed is addressing a basic necessity his financial decisions may be flawed but we all have our moments of poor judgment especially when young I remember when I prioritized a fancy gadget over rent and learned the hard way nonetheless withholding help might not be the best solution guiding him towards financial responsibility while supporting his immediate needs could be a more balanced approach family is about support even when their choices puzzle us