My wife and I have been wed for over three decades. A few years back, we bought the farm from his folks and managed to pay off the mortgage in full. Beyond that, we constructed our dream home right on this land and have established a robust cattle-raising business. Despite our strides in independence, his family frequently seems to need assistance, particularly his two sisters and a few of his nephews. It's important to note that, when his own parents and his sister with Down Syndrome needed care and none of his siblings stepped up, we took the responsibility—even though our own children were still quite young. We felt compelled to act, fearing that otherwise, the state might intervene. From my perspective, family looks out for each other, so looking back never crossed our minds. This decision, however, didn't seem to sit well with his side of the family, as though by taking ownership of the family farm, we owed them more.

Recently, I came into a reasonable sum of money left by my own parents. My husband, kept in the dark about the exact amount, has expressed his displeasure. He’s not privy to the account details. His latest proposal involves digging into this inheritance to build a house on the farm—originally his family’s—for his sisters, liberating them from the burden of rent and the harsh living conditions of apartments. His plan extends to us covering their property taxes and insurance, insisting they can't manage those expenses, though they'd handle their utilities. He sees no need to impose any rent on them.

Why should I draw from the inheritance, which my parents painstakingly accumulated, simply to provide for my husband’s sisters, who don't seem motivated to improve their own circumstances? This money feels deeply personal, like a legacy meant for me, and possibly for our children.

I'm leaning towards investing the bulk of it into trust funds for our children. And part of me is entertaining the thought of using my inheritance to start afresh on my own terms, which might mean considering a divorce. Does this make me selfish for not wanting to funnel these resources into housing for my husband’s siblings on our farm?

Imagine if this familial dilemma were aired on a reality show. The reactions would likely be polarized, with some viewers sympathizing with the duty to family, while others rally behind the conviction to secure one's financial legacy and personal happiness. The presence of cameras could amplify family tensions, drawing widespread public opinion and perhaps skewing personal decisions under the weight of external judgments.

Should inheritance be used to support spouse's family?

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