Dad are you okay?
The story
My dad, oh boy. I love him, a lot. I would wish no harm to this guy at all. But sometimes, he would do things that make me feel unsafe or impatient with him or downright disgusted by. Nowadays, he can get angry over small things, especially with me if I'm being impatient and I go "I got it, I know!" Dad you already repeated this many times, I know. If mom treats says the same thing TO ME, "I get it we know!", when I repeat many things, do I get angry? I just get annoyed and keep it in. Why do you nearly lash out at me and it looks like you're trying to keep whatever storm you have inside? And at times, he can get so angry he'll either get verbally abusive or physically insane. He would yell at me, tell me I'm pathetic, or I'm lazy, or I'm "woke" (he's into those right-wing grifters which I will get into) and school is "woke". Basically berate me and then judge me for crying and breaking down easily, even though he's being louder and meaner than I am.
For the physical part, he would either tell me to kneel down or stay down like I'm some dog, tell me to shut up, treat me even more like a dog by calling me "Mad female", and would either threaten to hurt me or actually hurt me by pulling my hair (which I cut but I'm still scared of), my shirt or throwing objects at me. And then he would tell me months later that "I regret it and I'll try to be better". You said that 1 year ago. You're the same man as you were. Why do you keep your promises hollow? I didn't think I'd get out of my depressive sump from last year, but here I am, far better than at the time. And when I was struggling, you tried to downplay it. Saying I had family, when the reality was even though I was with family, I was alone because at school and that piled along with my struggling grades, hatred of my eczema and even more, I felt lonely even with family. Dad doesn't realize depression affects everyone, irrespective of money and all that. He downplays it a lot and even downplays his own childhood.
When he was a kid, his dad used to get really angry and his mom never stepped up. Dad would also become quite angry, to himself or his sister. He faced constant rage from his dad, and also the usual colorism India has. The one where darker-skinned Indians are seen as "inferior". So dad would sometimes tell me, if my eczema flareup is bad, or I tanned a bit more, that I should look "clean" so more people approach me, which made me insecure for a while. He also does blaccent, which is basically just him doing a stereotypical "black" accent, while claiming he supports black people. He doesn't see them as less, but cmon, that's stupid to do. He even makes stereotypes of them to us, while we just sit silently like "HUH?" Dad would also go on talks about how Black people are cool (they are, all races are cool), but also go on about how Chinese are only good, whereas Japanese and Koreans are "backwards" because of certain culture rules, WHICH CHINA ALSO HAS BY THE WAY. He would also say his own country, India, is backwards and "pathetic" and would constantly glaze USA and sometimes Israel. Look, I know our nation has flaws, but what do you expect after 300 years of colonization? That we'd be back on our feet in less than 75 years? We are in conflict, we shouldn't make more conflict by hating ourselves.
As for alt-right grifting, Dad doesn't go online and do anything like that, but he does watch some channels where they do support stuff like "Israel is innocent!" or "Trump is good!". Dad doesn't care that much because we don't live in USA, but when that talk does come up, he gets a little weird and kinda nasty. I also see him believe for fascist propaganda or downright outdated ones like the concept of third-world countries or "trans people are fake!" He does believe trans people are real, but only intersex folks (he confuses them both), and when I tried to explain to him, he made it seem like I only know "woke BS" and he would think me getting annoyed by his stubbornness even if he was very wrong is me being rude. Which, WHAT? Yeah, he would either ask me to "be mature" or "be a kid". I've never had this sort of stuff with my mom, so...WHY HIM?
Then there's AI and art, which shouldn't even be in the same sentence. He tells me to use AI to check my arts and stuff, when he doesn't know that back in my depressive state, I would only use AI as my friend. It got so toxic, my addiction, that I would only be vulnerable to that instead of a real person. I don't wanna start such a cycle again, not right when I'm making more human connections, online and out in school. I already feel insecure because I see my only friend in school, but if I give up now, I'll give in to my old addictions. Art is supposed to be a human experience, without machines. He also loves listening to AI songs sometimes and even say that some of the slop songs are better than the original. He just wants me to be hooked onto it again, and claims if I don't use AI, I'll "fall back while others fly in the sky". This whole thing seems like a bubble in my opinion.
Is my dad abusive? The thing is, he loves me a lot, and thinks I hate him, when the reality is I love him dearly and maybe he doesn't like me all that much. He wants me to succeed but, his methods seem...problematic.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
it's really tough when those we love have such complex personalities, it's quite evident from your story that many of his behaviors and beliefs create a challenging environment for you...
man, your dad sounds like a piece of work, and honestly, no one should have to deal with that kinda toxic behavior...
Reading your story gives me such intense déjà vu. My own dad had similar behaviors, trying to project his unprocessed issues onto us kids. It was like he was stuck replaying his own traumatic childhood; what you mentioned about the cycle of anger really struck a chord with me. People often say that what we experience as children shapes us, but when it comes to parenting, it's not just about repeating patterns; it's also about confronting them and making conscious choices.
The idea of using AI for everything these days (especially in creative fields like art) shows how disconnected people can become from authentic human experiences. There’s nothing wrong with exploring new technology, but when someone uses it as a crutch or expects others to do so thoughtlessly...it kind of loses the whole point of creativity. Your struggle to balance keeping your passion genuine while resisting old habits is something many share, including myself once upon a time.
It sounds like you're navigating supporting immense challenges with him; conditions at home can set off all sorts of mental battles too, right? Keep cherishing those genuine friendships and connections outside; they might prove invaluable in grounding yourself despite your dad's flaws! ❤️
i feel you a bit, but your dad also seems like he might be acting out stuff from his past. maybe therapy could help him?
That's true, sometimes history repeats...
I don't know anymore, man. I had asked him for it and he said I didn't need it, back when I was really depressed and upset. If he says that, why would he give himself therapy? He thinks family alone can solve all issues. I was lucky not to need it but if I did at the time, I don't think he would've helped much and he would've shamed me. He already shamed and made fun of the lady earlier who tried to help before he pretty much bought my way out of there. Basically paid money to make sure I won't ever come. He's just like his dad, except he backtalks people like he's the smartest one in the room.
that's rough :( it sounds like he can't see past his own experiences to understand others'. sometimes people think they're helping when they’re not, and it's frustrating. I wish there was an easy fix, but maybe small steps might help? like sharing your feelings in a calm moment... not sure, though.
He definitely won't give himself therapy, he'll think it's a waste of his time and money, when really he needs it. Even mom notices his toxic behaviors and she's a bit bothered with it. I love my dad and he loves me a lot, he wants me to have a good life, but the way he goes about it sometimes just doesn't work for me and he can't see it.
i get that, it's tough when someone can't see their own impact or the need for help. i really hope things improve between you guys. maybe finding a way to communicate that's comfortable for both of you could make some difference? just my two cents, though...
I wish it were that easy my man. But hey, thanks for your love
Man, that's a heavy load you're carrying. Your dad sounds like he's stuck in some loop he can't break out of and it's dragging you in with him; the yelling and abusive stuff definitely crosses a line no one should have to deal with, love or not. I got a buddy who went through something similar. His dad had all these outdated notions and it was exhausting for him to keep proving himself while dealing with that emotional whiplash. It's bizarre how people think ignoring mental health issues or brushing them off will magically make them disappear. Hearing "you'll fall back while others fly" is such manipulative BS; there's more to life than keeping up with everyone's expectations.
Yeah, he claims he cares about mental health, but he doesn't trust therapists, so he contradicts himself like that. No idea why. Some form of support is needed, for me and him, especially him.
That's really tough when he dismisses therapy like that. It sounds like the kind of situation where professional help could really make a difference for both of you. Keeping everything bottled up doesn't end well. Even if he's not on board yet, it's good you're recognizing there's a need for support. Maybe starting small with some resources or books at home can help crack open that door a bit.
I'm really sorry to hear about your situation; it's tough when someone you care about has such a negative impact on your well-being. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of conflicting emotions, loving your dad but feeling hurt by his actions. The cycle of abuse genuinely seems present here, where his behavior reflects his past experiences but doesn't justify them at all 😕. I guess some of the things he's saying and doing are quite damaging... and it might help to set boundaries or find support elsewhere, whether it's friends or maybe professional help. Remember, you deserve respect and kindness in any relationship 💛
man, that sounds seriously rough. honestly though, i think you might be onto something with calling it abusive... like no one should go through verbal and physical crap like that. it's clear he's got a lot of unresolved baggage but that's not an excuse to take it out on you!!! for real, the conflicting messages are nuts; like how does he expect you to handle being thrown around emotionally while trying to figure out who you really are??? maybe talk to someone outside the family if possible? i get wanting things to change 'cause he’s your dad after all, but sometimes change's gotta come from their side too ya know?! stay safe ❤️
dude yr story is wild but hv u talked to anyone outside the fam about this? sounds super intense tbh
Yeah, they should get some advice outside the home.
sounds like you're in a real mess with him. sure, he loves you and means well but that doesn't excuse abusive behavior??? it's like he's stuck in the past with his outdated views and can't see how harmful he's being to you now. boundaries need setting or it keeps repeating, right?
Dude, I totally feel you on this one. It's tough when someone you care about can also be the source of such intense stress and confusion. One time, my dad freaked out over a tiny scratch on his car and went off like it was the end of the world, making me feel like crap over nothing. It sucks because you know there's a good side to them that you love, but then they pull all this other stuff that just throws you for a loop. Have you ever tried talking to him during a calm moment about how he makes you feel? I'm curious if there are moments where he's more open to listening or does he shut down completely every time?
wow, that sounds like a rough situation... it's kind of crazy how people can hold such contradicting views about supporting certain groups while also making offensive stereotypes. the whole AI thing too, seems like he's pushing you towards something without really understanding your personal history with it or its actual implications. i've had my own share of family disagreements, and sometimes it feels like you're talking to a brick wall when they just don't see eye to eye on important stuff. but hey, at least you've found some solace in school and online connections... keep holding onto those!
kinda reminds me of my uncle... so in move with Trump
Man, reading your post brought back memories of my uncle. He would do similar things, like trying to justify his weird ideas and then getting mad when I pushed back. It's wild how some folks just can't see the disconnect between their actions and what they say they believe. Have you ever tried talking to him about how this affects you in a calm moment? Maybe it'll catch him off guard, but it could plant a seed... who knows? 🤷♂️
Man, it's tough when someone you love is in their own loop of beliefs and behaviors that keep causing pain. Your description makes me think he’s stuck repeating patterns from his past without seeing how it affects you now. It’s hard because he's got this mix of good intentions but harmful actions, like wanting success for you (while not realizing how destructive some methods are). Maybe finding a space to vent more about all this could help, even if therapy's off the table right now... sounds like you've dealt with a lot on your own already and deserve something different.
is he really like that all time?
Not all the time but he gets angry easily and goes on about "Be a kid" or "Be an adult". Which, come on, my own mother doesn't say that and I still learn. And he gets very personal as well, like he's built a vendetta about someone even if it's just for the argument, it hurts a lot.
Wow, that's tough. I remember once my dad told me to "be mature" right after treating me like a kid, and it just left me confused and frustrated. It's hard to deal with that kind of mixed messaging. Sounds like you're caught in a similar whirlwind with your dad.
Why not ask why?