Empathy problems
The story
I used to be in a very big depression slump, it was very long. Lasted a span of 4 years at least. It started as deeply emotional. I was very sensitive and fragile to put it simply. But that later changed into hate and resentment. I am the oldest daughter in a traditional household. So when my parents started their seperation I was stressed about trying to makesure everyone was taken care of. But then I started to hate my family, hate how much they needed me for the house to be clean and for the kids to bed fed, and clean, and presentable for school. Until my younger brother started to show signs of depression too. It kind of snapped me out of it. Like it tore me in two that my little brother could feel like his life wasnt valuable the same way I saw my life. Fastforward I no longer feel that towards him. Im not so sure if hes still depressed but he is doing nothing with his life and it frustrates me deeply. He skips school and plays video games all day or watches videos. He has a GPA of 0 and is going to be a junior this year. This angers me. He didnt have all the responsibilies I had pushed on me growing up. While I had to literally physically move away from my family to focus on school and take many recovery classes to graduate on time. I guess the main cause of this resentment is that my mom tried talking with me about his mental health and trying to find a reason why he is this way. But when I was depressed I was just being a dirty and lazy kid that was making everything harder on her. I feel like I have regressed emotionally. I feel I used to have a lot more empathy than other but now I can only focus on how I feel in situations that cause me emotional distress. I didnt use to be this way. I dont know how to fix this empathy problem I have developed. I feel selfish and evil and filled with hate an resentment towards everyone and everything. Does anyone have some insight in how I can change this? I dont like living this way.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
I totally understand where you're coming from;;; it can be so frustrating to feel like you're carrying a heavy emotional burden when others seem to skate through life without the same responsibilities. It's tough being in a role where everyone relies on you, and even more challenging when those around you don't recognize your efforts. 😔 I remember a time when my family put a lot of pressure on me too, and it felt like no one understood my struggles. It's crucial to find a healthy outlet for your emotions and seek support. Have you considered talking it out with a therapist or counselor?? They can help you process and manage your feelings effectively. You're not alone in this; change takes time, but it's completely possible.
I have but my insurance doesnt cover mental health stuff, I am currently looking into community based resources but even those are a little costly for me
well, i gotta say, it sounds like you're putting a lot of blame on your brother and your family for feeling this way, but have you thought about how unfair it is to compare your struggles to his?? everybody's got their own stuff they're dealing with, and it's not exactly healthy to hold resentment like that. i get it, being the oldest can be a major pain, but life's never just black and white; when i was in your shoes, i realized that focusing so much on what others were doing or not doing just kept me stuck in a loop of negativity. maybe some of that anger and resentment would ease up if you tried to understand things from their perspective;;; sounds like your brother could be crying out for help the way you once were, no? adjusting your viewpoint might help you find a middle ground where you don't feel so drained by it all.
Its kind of hard to not focus on what my siblings are doing when I have to pick up their slack around the house and my angry mom. I get where you are coming from and I know its not healthy to hold this resentment but I cant help it, letting it go is easier said than done. Ive tried my best to keep my resentment to myself and not project it onto him. Ive tried to look at it from his perspective but I just can´t. So ive made peace with it, I dont need to understand how he sees things to understand how he feels. Ive bought him a GED book and aquired dmv knowledge pamphlet. Hopefully he uses them.
i hear you, but it seems like you're being a bit hard on your brother and family. everyone's journey is different, and the way your brother handles things might not be the way you did. it's natural to feel the way you do considering your past, but holding onto resentment won't help either of you; maybe try looking at it from a different angle. you might find a sense of relief and understanding. it could be a chance for you both to grow and support each other, you know? 😊 the change starts with a small step in the right direction.
I think I may be too hard on my siblings. I thought about it and the resentment is not with my brother, its with my mom. I resent that she is giving into the consideration of his mental health while actively ignoring mine for years and invalidating it. I have a sort of tricky relationship with my siblings because I have often had to step in as a parent a lot of the time.
hey, i totally get that you're feeling overwhelmed by everything on your plate, but maybe it's time to give your brother a little bit of grace too. everyone's dealing with their own issues in different ways, and it sounds like he hasn't found his groove yet; maybe try having an open conversation with him instead of holding onto resentment. you mentioned he's not doing much with his life, but could it be that he's also struggling internally, just like you did? 🤔 sometimes it's hard to see past our own struggles, but building understanding can help mend those family bonds. after all, growth can come from unexpected places if you're open to it. what do you think could help bridge the gap between how you're feeling and what he might be experiencing?
We arent really a conversations type of family. Ive tried my best to not project my resentment onto him. I think I just need to have more patience, He isnt very independent given ive been doing everything for him up until this year and maybe hes having a hard time with that. Change takes time and I remember how hard it was for me when I started focusing on school so once he starts actually doing his schoolwork we can find sound fair ground.
Your story resonates with many who have experienced similar familial challenges, and it's understandable to feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities placed upon you, especially as the eldest in a traditional household. Taking care of your siblings and ensuring the family runs smoothly can be an enormous undertaking; yet it has also likely instilled a strong sense of resilience and independence in you. 😊 I, too, have faced moments where my role in the family felt like a burden, but over time, I learned that shifting focus from what divides us to what unites us can foster healthier relationships. Instead of viewing your brother's situation through a lens of comparison, perhaps you can see it as an opportunity for mutual understanding and support. It's heartening to see you're looking for change, and it starts by embracing empathy not only for others but also for yourself.
i see where you're coming from, but it sounds like you're really focusing on the negatives here; everyone's got their battles, even if they don't look like yours. you say your brother isn't doing anything with his life, but have you thought about what might be underlying that behavior??? when i was going through a rough patch, it took someone reaching out with patience for me to start making changes. comparing your journey to his only creates a gap between you two. emotional struggles are complex, and just because his aren't the same as yours, doesn't mean they're not valid. maybe try seeing his actions as a call for help rather than just laziness, you know? what would happen if you approached this with empathy instead of judgment?