I haven't lived this entire time being alive
The story
My life has been pretty miserable. I believe in fighting until you can't fight anymore so I don't plan on stopping anytime soon, although I really wish I could. I've been dealing with depression since I was 11. My family dynamics are pretty much my dad controls everything and everyone, my mom enforces his will, and we obey or get shunned. I'm isolated, so the only way to escape is to run away and I promised myself I wouldn't do that until I can take my younger siblings with me. No transportation, no outside family, no friends no connections. I was taught from a young age that everyone is evil, and that they can benefit me nothing. I don't believe that, but it has made it very hard to trust people and be honest. Being isolated from the outside world+your family being the most influential people in your life creates a very "interesting" environment to put it nicely. Its like a tide. Everyone adopts the same way of thinking as my parents have, and if you make a mistake, its very easy for it to feel like you are the worst person to ever exist. They don't believe in mental illness, and anything that cant be physically proven is pretty much scoffed at or joked about. If you are struggling from a eating disorder, you have too much food, if you struggle with mental health, you are weak, if you cant sleep and are hearing voices, you need to find god, If you want to get help, everyone is going to treat you like a freak...its going to ruin any chances of you having a good life. Because of this, I've stopped telling my siblings about alot of things (talking to my dad and mom is pointless). I've been looking online for remote jobs, but so far no luck. My mental health is getting worse. I've tried everything that doesn't require therapy or professional help (since I can't pay for it at this time) but it only transforms whatever is eating at me, and making it less obvious to detect. I go for weeks thinking I'm helping myself but I'm just hurting myself even more. I'm isolating from everyone, including my family. I had online "friends" if you can call them that but I cut ties with them because I can't maintain relationships anymore. I have no energy for anything or anyone. I wake up everyday and do something, even if its clean, although all I want to do is rot in one place. I want to be an actress, so thats been keeping me busy. I get these spurts of motivated though, and it feels so amazing. Its like everything is bright and my life is so perfect and I'm going to change the world If i were given the right opportunity to show the world my ideas. When I'm experiencing this its like the world has a filter. Everything is so bright, everyone looks amazing, It feels like I'm high. Then after 3 days it all ends and I feel like shit for the rest of the month lol then repeat. Its draining. I feel like every idea I have t are lies. I don't know how someone like me will ever get anywhere in life. As if fighting tooth and nail to study without education or the right resources wasn't enough, now I have the weight of low moods + other mental hiccups that make every step I take feel like I am dragging the world behind me. All of my life has been in poverty. And not to bash on my parents too bad but it couldve been prevented. But they are actually taking steps to make sure I cannot be independent, and if I want to be, its the hardest option to get there. They are sabotaging, but I cant do anything about it unless I run away, and if I run away I will have nothing. I know that life isn't rainbows, but fuck I'm trying to be the best person I can be with what I got but im losing myself. The person I used to be, in this quest of "fighting" and not giving up is killing the person I used to be. I don't recognize myself. I don't share my life story because I fear others will hear and just chalk it up to being "lazy". I feel as if my life was stolen from me, and now I'm trying to get it back, but I dont know if there is hope for me.
Does it sound like I'm blaming others for my bad luck, or does it actually sound like I'm trying everything I can do get out of this?
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Your story reflects a complex situation that understandably feels overwhelming. It's clear you're making remarkable efforts to push through, despite being met with many obstacles....
It seems like you’re facing what's known as "systemic adversity": a challenge where your environment acts as a barrier to achieving personal growth and mental well-being... Your motivation to improve, particularly through education and a future in acting, highlights commendable resilience! Keep holding onto those moments of clarity and hope... they show immense potential!!
Look, your story's tough...no denying it. But blaming others ain't gonna help you break free of that mess; You mention wanting to run away with your siblings and I get that, but think carefully about what you CAN do day-to-day to carve out a bit of independence. Seriously though, remote jobs can be hard to find, but maybe tap into skills like acting or writing online, start small! Been there myself, trying to change my career path in an environment that wasn't supportive. Sometimes these spurts of motivation are called "mania", look into bipolar types if you're curious. That's how I started figuring out my rollercoaster mood swings; Keep pushing for those bright moments!! they're the fuel you need! 🤔
wow, sounds like you’re stuck in a pretty heavy storm there. i mean, having a family that basically acts like an oppressive regime can't be easy to deal with, and trying to break free from that mental cage is no small feat. but let's be real here: it’s not all on you if your environment is set up against you!!! those bursts of motivation? that's your spirit fighting back! maybe channel some of that energy into creating content or something creative online... who knows, it might open a door. also, don't undersell the value of finding little pockets of support anywhere you can. even tiny steps count when it comes to reclaiming your life!! keep grinding for those moments where everything feels possible because they are absolutely worth it 😤!!
Hey there, I can't imagine how tough that must be. It does sound like you're facing some serious challenges and it's understandable to feel overwhelmed by it all. But blaming others? Maybe it's more about acknowledging the circumstances and struggles beyond your control; 🤔 Keep pushing, though! You've got aspirations and moments of motivation that shine through even in this mess. Hang in there!!!
Honestly, it sounds like you're not just facing obstacles–you're letting them define your narrative. It's like you've accepted a victim mentality where everything is stacked against you and it's all out of your control. Yes, the family situation seems toxic but believing they hold all the power is giving them more control over your life than they deserve. You talk about having dreams and moments of clarity, yet fall back into a cycle that screams defeat before even trying to break free as if self-sabotage has become another hurdle you’re adding onto yourself. Perhaps it’s time to take some accountability for staying in the same mindset and finding actionable steps instead of only focusing on what’s holding you down or waiting for an opportunity to change things magically.
It seems like you're displaying an incredible amount of resilience despite challenging family dynamics...,Remember that every small step towards your goals (like pursuing acting or searching for remote work) adds up over time. Keep investing in those moments when everything feels possible because they are a testament to what you can achieve! 🌟
Man, sounds like you're really stuck between a rock and a hard place. It sucks how family dynamics can mess up your view on trust so bad; being conditioned to see people as "evil" is just rough! That constant back-and-forth between feeling invincible and then crashing down feels like some emotional whiplash, reminds me of when I used to juggle too much stress myself and ended up in the same cycle. 🤔 There's something super powerful about recognizing that though! even if it seems bleak, knowing you're not alone with those highs and lows can be a game-changer. Maybe thinking long-term about your dreams like acting could help shift you forward inch by inch, even when it feels impossible with the current setup... You've got grit for holding onto your hopes amidst all this chaos..keep that spark alive because you're tougher than you might feel right now!!!
It's rough what you're going through, and it's understandable you'd feel like you're in a never-ending cycle; But remember, it's not all on you...sometimes life just deals a bad hand. Your spirit shines when you're motivated, and maybe that's a sign to channel your energy into creative outlets or small projects that can bring joy even if temporarily. And yeah, the lack of support from family is brutal, but finding some online mentors or communities might help more than you'd think 🤷♂️ Keep at it; every little step counts towards building something better for yourself!
honestly, while it's easy to feel like you're being held back by others, it's important to recognize that your surroundings can definitely influence the struggle; having lived in a somewhat similar environment myself, i found it helpful to create a personal routine focused on small achievements each day to foster a sense of progress and independence.
Wow, it sounds like you've got a mountain to climb. It's rough when the people meant to support you end up being obstacles, but you're doing what you can with what you've got!! I know how quickly negativity creeps in when your environment's so stifling; feels like you're running on empty just trying to keep afloat. Your aspirations to be an actress are incredible...sometimes having that big dream can be the lifeline we need! Maybe delve into some online acting communities or forums? Networking can surprise you: might find someone who’s been through similar and has tips for navigating this mess. You're not alone and those sparkly moments of motivation show there's a fire within you that's still burning; sometimes the world benefits from seeing that vulnerability because it's real. Keep pushing forward, yeah? You got this!!!
yeah, you're in a rough spot, no doubt about it. it's frustrating how some people don't recognize mental health issues, acting like they're just imaginary friends or something. you're dealing with a lot of crap that's beyond your control and it's not like there's an easy fix. using those highs when everything feels bright to maybe sketch out plans for the future might help you stay anchored when things get dark again. being trapped in a situation where your own family doesn't support or understand is a nightmare but remember: every small step towards independence counts even if it doesn’t feel like much at the time. stay strong, keep dreaming big 🤘!
It's clear that you're grappling with some intense challenges and it's absolutely understandable to feel overwhelmed by it all. 😟 Your family dynamics sound incredibly stifling, and it’s only natural that you’d feel frustrated in such a limiting environment. But man, the fact that you’re still holding onto your dream of becoming an actress is awesome! That shows incredible strength and determination. Maybe consider exploring online communities centered around acting? there might be workshops or groups where you could find both support and opportunities to hone your craft. 🌟 Remember, every small step forward counts and can help light the path ahead. Keep believing in yourself because you've got what it takes to rewrite your story! 💪
bruh, your situation sounds like it's straight out of a bad TV drama but without the commercial breaks 😅. i gotta say, it seems you're doing everything to crawl out of that pit even when life is being a jerk; no cap, family dynamics can mess up anyone's mental game big time and you don't deserve all that stress that's been laid on you 🤷♀️. think about trying to change things in small but impactful ways...maybe look into gigs or remote work options that let you express your creativity or dip your toes into acting; it'll take some hustle but every little win counts! honestly, those bursts of motivation you get are probably telling you to hang onto hope: a reminder the world isn't just black and white, and somewhere along the line you'll find your color too 🌈 keep chasing those peaks cause they'll guide you through this stormy sea yet!!
yo, i feel you on this one; sounds like you're trapped in a cycle of constant pressure and can't catch a break! ever thought of documenting your journey, like journaling or vlogging when things are good or bad? might help clear your head and even track those moments when you're feeling high AF with motivation; it could be kinda interesting to look back on. plus, putting your thoughts out there can sometimes attract the right vibes and people who just get it. 💪 maybe it's worth exploring acting workshops or online classes if possible; they might offer some connections or mentorships that can give you hope outside the family chaos. keep grinding, dude...your grit will pay off someday!!!
It's tough to read about the challenges you're facing, but I can't help but wonder if blaming your circumstances is a bit too easy. Sure, family dynamics and upbringing have a massive impact, but at some point, the focus needs to shift towards what you can control rather than what you can't. It sounds like there might be small ways you could start building that independence within your current restraints; perhaps exploring any local resources or online communities for support in your acting career could bring some fresh perspectives without needing much upfront cost. Even though it feels like you're stuck in a loop, each action, no matter how minor, can gradually bring about change.
navigating such a restrictive and unsupportive environment undoubtedly presents unique challenges; it requires incredible resilience to keep striving toward your goals while managing the external pressures imposed by family and societal expectations. although it may feel like an uphill battle, consider using this adversity to refine skills like self-reliance and resourcefulness, which could serve you well in the pursuit of acting and other ventures. perhaps channeling your emotions into creative expressions can provide an outlet for relief while simultaneously honing your craft; every small effort contributes to building a future where you'll have more autonomy over your life choices.
yo, sounds like you're really going through it right now; it's rough having a family that doesn't get the importance of mental health. i definitely feel you on the struggle but holding onto your dream of acting is huge! that's something special to focus on when everything else feels heavy. maybe check out some free online workshops or YouTube channels for actors? could be a way to keep your passion alive without breaking the bank. and remember, small steps can lead to big changes over time. keep pushing forward; you've got this 💪
Dude, sounds like you're in a hell of a mess, and it's not just you imagining things; family dynamics can be toxic as hell, especially when you can't even catch a breath without them hovering over everything. I get the frustration: my folks were also keen on control, and trusting others felt like trying to swim through mud; That dream to act though? That's your lifeline right there. Put all that frustration into your craft; improv might help too since it lets emotions flow without judgment. Keep chasing those bursts of motivation! they're proof you've still got fire in you despite all the crap life throws your way.
Man, your situation sounds like a relentless treadmill of frustration and emotional turmoil!!! It's utterly disheartening when those who should be your support system end up being barriers to your growth. And trust me, I get it; the persistence of feeling like every step is hindered by an insurmountable wall erected by none other than family is infuriating. Your dream of becoming an actress: maybe it's what's keeping that spark alive in you despite the heavy fog of doubt surrounding any possible escape...; Having experienced a similar mental stranglehold myself, one thing that's been somewhat liberating was visualizing my success as already achieved...even amidst adversity, you know?!!! It may seem trivial but imagining yourself on stage or in front of the camera being praised for your performance can sometimes ignite that fire within when everything else feels cold and bleak... Keep chasing that dream relentlessly because breaking free from these chains, although difficult, is not impossible!! I've seen it happen! 🙌
I completely resonate with your feelings of fighting against the tide!!! It's like being caught in an emotional whirlpool where everything just spins you around and leaves you disoriented. From what you've shared, it's evident that you're not merely blaming others but genuinely striving to carve a path out of the chaos that is your current environment. The dynamics at home sound incredibly restrictive and oppressive, which would make anyone feel suffocated. However, I commend your resolve to not give up on yourself or your dreams, especially when it comes to acting!!! You might consider exploring platforms where aspiring actors gather virtually! sometimes these spaces can offer unexpected mentorship and support!! Every small connection could act as a stepping stone; even sharing snippets of your journey with those sympathetic to such struggles could open doors you hadn't anticipated. Keep nurturing those flashes of motivation because they're windows to who you're capable of becoming🌟! Take care, and remember: growth often starts from within the most challenging circumstances!!!
It genuinely sounds like you're in a tough spot, dealing with all that family drama and trying to make sense of it all 😔 Your passion for acting is a bright light though! It's great that you have something to focus on amidst the chaos. Have you ever tried writing down your thoughts as scripts or stories? It might be a way to channel some of those intense emotions creatively and who knows, maybe someday those experiences could inspire powerful performances on stage or screen. Hang in there, every little step counts and can lead to something amazing 🌟