The Weird Divide
The story
It's strange, my family. I don't mean just because of the crazy shit either. Remove the gang shit, the drugs, the main plate- and I'm kind of a stranger to them. Weirdest thing.
Recap:
After it all blew over- or up, depending- and my siblings scattered too. Ended up on my own at 14.
Did what I could, when, and how. Time passes. I struggle, yeah. But I'm here. So:
About more than a decade later, very select members of my fam- mostly the distant rels- try to talk, or get in my life a bit. Here's the thing though: Even before, yk, the gang stuff- when we were a sorta normal fam- They treated me and my sister like mistakes. Not just beatings, but like, just rotten behavior. The rest? Watched.
So, naturally, we don't really speak to anyone. At all. My dad, for instance, feels guilty for leaving me in that environment. Took me a while to give him an inch, but I did. And it's been up and down. Same with grandparents: Guilt. But it's not just their conscience here, it's mine.
They come into my life, and yk, they know what they saw back then. But they seem to think they know it all. There are times I've shared some.. yk, fucked up shit. Real dark, things I seen or yk. And they look at me like they've seen a ghost. They say things like, not that they don't believe, but almost as a "Surely I'd have known about that" and its like BRO yall fuckin ran and left us behind. Maybe you SHOULD have known, but ya don't. Y'dig?
But it's not just that. Sometimes they get so..idk. Ig maybe them running off to live normal lives while me and sis got our shit rocked 24/7 sometimes prevents them from understanding that we are self made, self rescued. We didn't have help- and we didn't need it, yk, mostly, turns out.
So they come back into our lives, ask tough questions and when the answer is, circumstantially, horrific- they seem to know it all. They tell me "Ah you can't let that get you down.' Yes, good advice. Only I just told you I saw a man burn to death over 1000 dollars debt. Thats.. like wtf is that response? "Well that's unfortunate." UH??? WHA?
YOU asked ME!
If it ain't that, it's this weird misunderstanding that my struggles are trivial- idk if it's bc I'm young, and like some really stupid folk, they assume age limits your experiences- but they literally cannot understand how I'm traumatized. What's more, they're smothering me- or try to. They give off the "oh shit we really fucked him up, kinda failed, please please forgive us" but laced with a "let's try to make him who we want". And well, I don't take kindly to that. Ain't no one making me anything. Idk, does any of this make any sense?
Another thing I hate, is when they actually want to ask questions or.. talk about bad stuff, especially failures or things they did wrong, they sugar coat it, and I just.. nah. Nah bro. They treat me like this odd thing, a curious thing to look at and wonder about, and then ignore. Strangest thing really. Family is such a foreign concept to me, disgusting almost, I know that's my own experience but fuck, man. I think what's going to happen is imma make my peace and dip. They want control, they want to be nosey so they can judge. They want to ask questions and pick them apart, but shrink when the answer is given. That's like asking a vet if he's killed a man, or a paramedic if they've seen a man die, and getting disturbed when they say yes.
Idk. I guess I just didn't expect my entire bloodline to be a punch of spineless cowards.
Or, if it's not that,
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Man, that's rough, sounds like you're navigating some real twisted family dynamics right now.
man i totally get ya. my fam was the same, actin all nice now after pretty much abandoning me back then. makes no sense bro! they think they can just waltz back like nothing happened.
same here dude! it's like they forget the past or just choose to.
it's fascinating how family dynamics can vary so widely. your story reminds me of when my cousin tried to reconnect with our family after years apart due to some intense situations. he felt like an outsider at gatherings, much like you're describing, but over time, we all had to learn his narrative didn't match ours. i wonder if it would help to hold firm boundaries while considering whether any relationships could eventually offer genuine support or understanding? have you found any surprising allies within those distant relatives?
it's like they wanna rewrite history where they're the heroes, but reality doesn't work that way; feels like they're trying to use you as a bandaid for their guilt while not actually dealing with what went down.
It's like they're trying to write a different story than the one you lived, pretending they can just waltz back in and make everything neat and tidy; too bad life doesn't work like that, especially when it sounds like they've never taken the time to actually understand the reality of what you've been through.
dude, why do they always act like they've got amnesia about all the crazy shit that went down??? like, sure, you can have regrets but it doesn't erase what they did or didn't do! they're probably just playing this "we care" game to feel better about themselves while still ignoring the reality of your experiences. it's wild how people can just dodge accountability and pretend everything's fine when it clearly ain't; reminds me of when my so-called "supportive" friends acted like strangers after i went through some heavy stuff. sometimes you're better off without 'em, honestly...
It sounds like your family has a hard time owning up to their past actions, and it must be infuriating when they try to come back into your life as if nothing ever happened. Have you considered having a conversation where boundaries are clearly defined? It might help establish how you want them in your life, if at all. They might still not get it, but at least you'd have laid down what you need from them (or don't). Family relationships can be such a mind-bender. Why do people assume age equals ignorance about real struggles?
yo, your story really hit home in a way. it's like sometimes family just doesn't get that their version of reality isn't the only one out there, right? like they're in denial about how much you and your sister had to endure while they were off living their lives. I can't even imagine how frustrating it must be for you when they try to wade back into your life acting like they've got all the answers but haven't been through half of what you have. honestly, do you think there's any chance that some honest conversations could change things with them? or is it more like they've set themselves in their ways and there's no moving past it until they recognize what's actually gone down?
dude, the way families try to sweep stuff under the rug is mind-boggling. like, they legit think slapping on a fake smile and acting like everything's hunky-dory will magically erase all the bullcrap that went down; it's just wild. you gotta wonder if they even realize how deep those scars go or if their guilt blinds them to your reality. ever feel like you're living in an alternate universe? one where you're forced to play along for everyone's convenience while your truth gets buried under layers of denial???
what really grinds my gears is when they pretend they're doing it out of love but really, they're covering their own asses; trying to live with themselves by rewriting history instead of facing it head-on. sounds like you've got more strength in your pinky finger than some folks have in their whole being. maybe finding a way to filter out the noise and keep what's real might save you a ton of energy, man; decisions like that are tricky as hell but sometimes necessary!
sounds like your family's trying to slap a happy-family sticker over a mess of broken glass and it's insane how they think they can just parachute in and fix things without acknowledging the scars they left you with; that kind of denial is not only frustrating, it's incredibly insulting to all you've survived.
I understand where you're coming from, but sometimes people do change over time.
I guess it's understandable wanting closure or reconnecting for them, but their approach seems seriously flawed if they can't even grasp the gravity of what you are sharing!