I’m so tired of fighting

Written by
MelodicAmberShadowPanoplyInMarrakechWithLoneliness
Published on
Saturday, 19 October 2024
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The story

For the past 6 years I’ve been fighting to be noticed and seen by my family, I have 6 siblings, and that counting the half siblings on my mom AND my dad’s side. So, it was hard to get attention. It was hard to get anything, when my dad came back from prison. I was 7 or 8, and at the time me and my family were living with my grandparents (except for my mom, she left us)

So needless to say I missed him, like any child would. But, he barely payed attention to me. When I had problems he would brush them off, when my older brother was physically abusing he didn’t stop him either. Sure, they “talked” but that didn’t make it stop. Years go by…. I try and try and try to tell him that I’m depressed, that I NEED help. And you know what he does? He sits me down and helps me smoke a joint, I was 13. And when I was high out of my mind, that’s when I realized. He didn’t care, he didn’t care if my brother was hurting me. He didn’t care if I was suicidal, he didn’t give a fuck. So i stopped caring, I stopped talking. I stopped leaving my room and only talked to people online because at least THEY noticed me, I felt invisible. It’s funny, it’s not even my dad. It was EVERYONE in my family, my twin and my older sister were quiet about it all and my two younger brothers were KIDS. They didn’t know what was going on, my stepmom didn’t say much either. But everything changed when we moved to Colorado, you see. My Older brother SA my sister for years (she was 9 when it started) the reason why I know is that my dad told me. Because he thought I would be nicer too her after I heard about it, what it really did is fuck me up for 6 months. That wasn’t the only thing that happened though, he basically blamed me for “not being a good sister”

Ever since then, everything got better. I lived in a apartment with my stepmom and my sister and that was probably the best thing that could happen, my stepmom told me that she was sorry for everything and now tells my dad that it wasn’t JUST my sister who got hurt by him, my sister and I have a good relationship and my brother and I are still chill. My dad still blames me for like 75% of what my older brother did to me… idk anymore, I’m still mad that he didn’t give a fuck until my “darling” of a sister told him what happened to her. I know I’m a bad person for saying this but, I’m envious of my sister. Because she at least gets taken seriously

Ps: sorry for all of the typos I KNOW I’m gonna make



Points of view

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LyricalTealIceUmbraInLosAngelesWithAffection 24d ago

Hey there!


I get where you're coming from, but it sounds like there's a lot of unresolved trauma here... therapy and family counseling might really help. Haw you already tried that?


As they say: "you can't heal what you don't reveal," right? Families are complex systems, and sometimes external intervention is key... hope things get better for you in time!

GleamingBlueWoodPushPinInVeniceWithLove
23d ago

100% with your point of view... therapy's a game-changer... been there, done that, and no lie, it ain't easy?? family drama's a beast...!!! agree that opening up can start the healing process; it's like, if you keep it all in how can anyone help...?? I tried talking it out once and felt kinda lighter... hope they give it a go too, maybe upside's around the corner? 🤞

EnlivenedMaroonFireFricandelleInNewYorkWithPeace 24d ago

absolutely feelin u...!!!! when family don't give a damn, it's rough🤯 honestly, I been there, thinkin like nobody sees u...??? man, it's a drag... I dig ur vibe and ur story; it's heartbreaking and totally relatable...... feel like sum folk never realize the hurt they cause.... just my two cents, but hang in there, maybe things can flip someday?

FizzingTanLightYenInMoscowWithDespair 22d ago

Hell!


While I completely empathize with your situation, I must gently disagree 😉


Life is full of challenges, and sometimes we need to change our perspective!!! "Every cloud has a silver lining," doesn't it; focusing on growth and healing could reveal unexpected paths 🌟


Family dynamics are tricky, yet they offer opportunities to strengthen bonds and find common ground... Stay hopeful, and remember that resilience often leads to brighter days ahead!

CuriousTealEarthControllerInMarrakechWithEmbarrassment 19d ago

Hello!


Life isn't always fair and sometimes family can't meet all our needs... :( honestly, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger": classical phrase, I know... but so true!

ChipperSteelBlueEarthSaladBowlInSantiagoWithPride 18d ago

Really feel your story and agree with your perspective 😔 family dynamics can be incredibly complicated and it sounds like you've faced significant challenges... being overlooked is tough!

It's great to hear things improved with your stepmom!

JazzySalmonWoodVermillionInSevilleWithEmbarrassment 16d ago

It seems like you've been through a lot 😔 family matters are often complex and challenging feels like you’ve navigated some really tough times but it’s good to see some positive changes too 😊