My mom's a liar and I hate my heart

I feel whenever someone in a movie grows up, they always leave their parents to be independent, and most of the time, they leave their old parents in senior homes because they hate them for being senile. I may not be an adult nor is my mother senile, but she's sure as hell probably a liar! Mom only did this because she noticed I was lonely in and out of school. You know what she could've done to make me for tougher? She shouldn't have been my friend, she should've left me there in my own thoughts so I can finally be independent. It's how dad survived school! He failed, he learnt it the hard way, and he's fine! She should fuck herself for even thinking that! Nobody's friends with their moms, they all hate their moms! It's what movies say. Plus, mom may not smother me with love by hugging and kissing me a lot, she may not over-compliment me, nor would she come to school with me, but she will soon. She will soon! Movies say it'll happen! Her listening more to me because I'm alone with no friends? Please, she should match my kind of honesty, she should tell me how friendless I am and how stupid I am for even caring about them, like every good parent on movies. Isn't it how military men get sturdier? I should've sent her the message, "Moomy, stop calling yourself my friend. It embarrasses me and I need you to be my parent, not my buddy. I’m not negotiating this. Respect the boundary. For you to be my parent, keep distance from me, like dad. Dad doesn’t see me as powerful, so you shouldn’t feel the same way either." What I said is normal. Movies say it, people online say it, successful people say it, they leave their family behind. It's all normal. Plus, it'll benefit me a lot. I heard it will! It'll make me more independent and brave! Everyone leave their parents, right? f I tell her she's horrid, simply because the movies say so, I'll be fine, according to the movies! Who has their mom as their best friend? Only toddlers do! Nowadays I see all girls my age go on their own out to malls with their friends. Meanwhile I hang out with my family like an idiot and I'm usually with my brother and mom! What if one of my classmates see me while they hang out with their friends in some mall in the future, because I lack friends? They'll think I'm weird, right? I should be independent, not parent-relied! I should be asking them for money so I can buy things on my own, not with mom and my brother! They said friends are good to have. So, if that's the case, the longer I'm alone and with mom, I'll be depressed, get a heart attack and die! Meanwhile all my classmates have groups and so does my grade, I'm one of the odd ones out with no one! And guess what, I'll die at 30 for that reason, again, like movies! All movies from 2000s show that when you hit 30 and still haven't achieved the list of being pretty, not fat (I'm 5'4", so I should REMAIN 45kg, from 13-30), you aren't dating anyone and you don't have friends, and you work in a lame job like engineering, you're gonna either die of depression or die from obesity from being 56kg! That's fat! Point is, mom's a fucking liar. I know she's been in many hardships, her parents divorced, financial issues, she couldn't have her dream job of being a doctor (she's an engineer now), yet she's never vented, because she's always been positive? That's some anime BS where the main guy says that! BS! I'm not digging a hole, am I? I'm telling the truth. Cynicism and hopelessness works because I'm not chasing fake happiness, I'm seeking the real truth. Again, it's embarrassing I'm having a "friendship" with my Moomy and not another person from class! Who even does that now? I don't even know anyone online! She's lying! My mom, being the idiotic bitch she is, even said, "You can be happy, without friends! Look at me!" You married dad, wasn't he your friend earlier?! He may have been in one of the longest situation-ships I've ever seen (seriously, they lived in different countries for a while before meeting more and finally agreeing somehow to fall in love and they somehow didn't break up after 16 years). She may not have office-friends that she meets all the time, but she sometimes chats with them. Fuck that ugly bitch of a woman. She's a lying whore! Always lies about life! Guess what, good thing I have plans to get myself an arranged marriage at 20, it's more stable. I even hate it when people say "Hatred kills the owner, not the person the owner hates". Again, that's nonsense! I can use my anger and channel it into a life plan. When I turn 20, I'll ask my parents to arrange a marriage with some random guy, then I can do plastic surgery to look cuter, I will do brain surgery to stop having that gut feeling of thinking mom's trying really hard and I love her, because logic ALWAYS outweighs emotion, and me and my husband will take photos of us only happy together and post it on Instagram to look cute and cuddly! Doesn't every child torch the bond with their parents? Don't they all leave their old parents to die alone in an old shelter because they hate taking care of them. They're normal. Right? So, for me to set boundaries, I have to leave her behind and hate her forever. That's maturity and independence, right? I heard doing all those things are good for the child, hating and leaving your parent, because you learn to be independent and amazing. My brain telling me, "This is the same feeling girls get over their exes, it'll be fine, sugar. Stop loving your mom, she's clearly not for you. In fact, hate her." Like it's an old lady with a Jersey accent. Even if my heart deep down feels like this is more accurate and that she loves me, and she tries very hard to be a good lady and she has helped sometimes, my brain tells me it's false and a farce. Maybe my brain is correct. Isn't everyone's brain the most logical organ? Why should I care if my heart cries whenever I deny that she's trying really hard and she makes me happy because she's my mom who listens and says it's at least a good idea to tell her, because she didn't beat me or treat me worse afterwards? Who cares? My brain should be the leader. Why does my heart keep telling me mom is a great lady instead? Why does it say, "You're sounding so mean, she actually loves you so much. Please, she also tries, and you actually enjoy being with her." My brain should be the one to tell me the truth. My heart's a liar and a cheat. Even if I do something I love because my heart asks for it, and even speak to mom, I should only listen to my head. Just why? Why is my other part telling me that? To care for Moomy, because in the end, she'll never leave you like a toy on the road. It's all fucking crazy! She's a liar and my love for her needs to be removed!

Stories in the same category