My mother indirectly accuses my stepfather.
The story
My family life isn’t the most perfect. My mother and my stepfather married when I was just born. She married him to get a visa and for financial stability. They were and still are more strangers to each other and don’t really do things together. They don’t even share a bedroom or sit in the same room for longer together. He’s also much older than she is by around 25 years.
In my eyes he is my father because he literally brought me up and I do love him. But it seems like my mother really doesn’t trust him. When I was younger like in first grade, she didn’t allow me to like hug him when we were in bed. I did it once around that age and she ignored me for the next hours till I apologised to her for that and said I won’t do it again.
Another instance was when I was around 11 years old. She and my stepfather had quite an awful dispute during that time. She was rarely at home and just somewhere out leaving me and my stepfather at home. She then asked me out of the blue if he ever did or does anything weird when she isn’t here and that I should tell her if there’s anything going on. I was confused and obviously told her there isn’t anything wrong.
Then a few months ago (I am in my last year of high school) she asked me again. The last time was longer ago but it’s weird that it happened again. She asked if there’s anything going on and if there aren’t any “secrets”. That I should tell her immediately if there’s anything. And that she said, I quote: “I can’t know what’s happening here when I am away. I also didn’t know what’s happening when you were younger and I wasn’t here.”
I am just confused and I am not sure what to think of it all if I should just ask her or leave it be. I think I just needed to get it off my chest.
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Points of view
i can understand your confusion, but it seems like open communication could definitely help in this situation; perhaps having a calm and honest conversation with your mother might clarify her concerns and provide you with a better understanding of where she's coming from, all while reinforcing the importance of trust within your family dynamic.
wow, that's quite a puzzling situation you're in, and i totally get why it's weighing on you. it’s like she’s harboring some underlying fears or unresolved issues that she's projecting onto your relationship with your stepfather. 🤔 maybe she's seen or experienced something in the past that makes her wary, but it's essential for your well-being to unravel these mysteries. personally, i'd try gently probing when she's in a good mood; sometimes people open up more when they're not in defense mode and you might near the root of this ongoing tension.