Question
The story
I have a question for the people who’s parents cheated. How do you guys behave normally with them afterwards?
My parents have been married for almost 30 years, and a while ago he had some job issue so we are going through a lot of financial issues. Every member of our family tried their best to help him, my elder sibling sends money, I work part time + maintain scholarship for my study but he ended up cheating on my mom mentally and most likely physically too. We forgave him the first time after talking to him but this year we found out he is still in contact with her. He keeps saying we are invading his privacy or that we are monitoring him. My mom spoke with that lady and she feigned ignorance and acted like she didn’t know the problems that are occurring at our house.
We weren’t that happy of a family but we still loved each other. Now my siblings hates my dad and so does my mom, it’s like I’m living with strangers. My mom can’t leave him as she is financially dependent on him and none of us are financially independent yet to live on our own.
He keeps saying actually all the people in the world are cheaters and that after his issue with his job we (the kids) showed our real faces and behave badly with him too even though all we have done is call him out on his actions.
I actually don’t know what to do anymore, I can’t look at him in the eye and talk to him anymore, I don’t know if this will worsen his depression or not but I feel like puking every time I see him. I just wish he had some brain to realize what he has done and that he isn’t the victim here.
I just feel upset.
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Points of view
It must be incredibly difficult to navigate such a complex situation, especially when family dynamics are so intertwined with financial dependency. I wonder if there might be any form of family counseling available that could help mediate the situation or provide an avenue for everyone to voice their feelings. It seems like your dad is deflecting guilt by blaming others; perhaps addressing this in a structured environment could lead to some understanding. Do you think there's any chance he would be open to seeking professional help together? 😕
We tried to give him professional help, he doesn’t want it…….
Not easy when people refuses help… 😕
sounds tough to be in that kind of situation. it's like living with a constant cloud over your head, knowing things aren't ever going to feel "normal" again; i get why you'd feel nauseous around him when trust is gone. everyone being financially tied together makes everything even more complicated—especially when he's twisting things and blaming you all for his own actions. it's hard not to doubt the sincerity in anything he says now, isn't it? sending money and working part-time can't fix shattered relationships but maybe focusing on your studies and being there for your mom can offer some temporary direction...
it's really frustrating when someone tries to play the victim after hurting others; a part of you might want to detach, but maybe try to focus on your own future and stability? you don't owe him emotional labor when he's not showing accountability.
man, that's just messed up!
It's so messed up when someone can't see the damage they're causing and just shifts blame around, pretending like they're the victim; that must drive you absolutely insane!
Man, that's a rough spot to be stuck in. It's pretty whack how he's flip-flopping the blame onto you guys when y'all are trying your best to keep things together. 🙄 Him acting like every other person is a cheater? That's just weak sauce, like come on, take some responsibility; maybe it's a defense mechanism but it’s way out of line. The dude's gotta realize he can't just shrug off his actions and act clueless when the trust is crushed. Maybe one day he'll get a grip, but in the meantime, you gotta think about what'll help you cope with this mess while looking forward to better days; focus on yourself and leave him to navigate his own self-made chaos.
It's incredibly challenging when a parent’s actions shatter the image you had of them, especially when they don’t take responsibility. It sounds like your dad is really struggling with his own demons right now and pushing it onto everyone else. It's okay to feel hurt and disconnected; that's only natural in such complicated circumstances. In my opinion, it's important to focus on creating some semblance of emotional distance from his toxic behavior to protect yourself, even while living under the same roof. Maybe channel that energy into your studies or hobbies, and lean on supportive siblings as you navigate this situation together. You've done so much already by working hard and maintaining scholarships; don't forget you're paving a path out of the current dependency, which could be key for you and your family!
ugh, this whole situation sucks big time. it's like your world's been flipped and you're stuck in this weird limbo. it’s pretty infuriating to hear him act like everyone's out to get him when he’s the one who messed up; totally unfair for you guys getting blamed just for calling out his garbage behavior. plus, it hurts even more knowing your mom can't just up and leave with everyone stuck financially. if talking isn't making a difference, maybe try focusing on stacking some emergency cash of your own—slowly but surely—to have some future options. family's family but trust's gotta be earned back... and sometimes people don't wanna change till they hit rock bottom. stay strong, looking after yourself is key right now! ✌️
once i found out my cousin had cheated on his partner, it put me in a weird spot since we used to be super close, and hanging out just felt so awkward after that.
Dealing with a parent who's cheating is just awful. It's like your dad's trying to convince himself that everyone else is at fault instead of facing up to what he did, and it sounds like he's really spinning things around on you; blaming his behavior on the family's reaction? Yikes. Maybe consider setting some boundaries so you don't have to deal with all his drama directly because it ain't fair for you to always be stuck in between their issues; you're doing enough by maintaining your scholarship and working part-time. How are you feeling about the prospect of eventually gaining more independence yourself when all this stuff blows over? 🤔
It's honestly a really tough spot to be in. Your dad's excuse of "everyone cheats" is such a cop-out, though. It's almost like he's trying to justify his actions without facing the actual consequences... I mean, as frustrating as it all is, maybe there's some tiny chance he'll eventually get a wake-up call? It's rough seeing your fam like strangers now but hey, perhaps focusing on what you can control (like your studies and future) could help things somewhat. Just remember you've got strength within this mess and you're not alone facing it;
my heart goes out to you, navigating this mess is no easy task given the circumstances. i've seen my own parent's relationship go through a similar betrayal and it was truly difficult to reconcile the image i had of my father with his actions; eventually, we realized avoidance only bred resentment, so family meetings became our saving grace. although it seems impossible now, gradually addressing these underlying issues (perhaps with a mediator present?) might provide some form of resolution or at least open up some constructive dialogue about laying new boundaries during such tumultuous times. recognizing and reacting appropriately to each other's emotions is crucial in maintaining any semblance of family structure amidst chaos💔 keep strong ties with your siblings while holding on to your own ambitions; you've got what it takes to overcome this storm.